I am currently suffering from an acute bout of insomnia and that might explain what I am about to write; bear with me! The lack of sleep comes and goes and is highly frustrating. The brain wants to remain active despite the body's protestations at craving some rest.
I went on another date last night, it went well. He was a really nice bloke and we had a giggle (at my expense) as I teetered around on wet, cobbled streets in my crazy work heels. He must have thought I am a bit of a loony but we finally managed to find a cool little pub with some good food despite walking around for 40 minutes in a gale.
During our conversation we touched upon Buddhism and inner peace. Good first date conversation centre piece? It really was quite enlightening. It put me in mind of a book I read a few months back called 'The Power Of Now' by German author Eckhart Tolle. The upshot of it is that we have no control on what has happened and cannot fully predict the future so the premise is 'live for now.' My own interpretation of the book was that we don't spend enough time just 'being.' Our minds can be our worst enemy and it is too easy to get caught up in the trappings of everyday life, caught up in a sea of complicated emotions and feelings that need to be stripped back once in a while.
I guess it has some tantric elements to it but I did attempt the exercises the author so eloquently outlined. Essentially I would class these as meditation but sitting quietly, clearing your mind of thought and focusing on the living organism that you are really is liberating. It does take some practice and requires an environment with no stimuli so you can fully focus.
There are so many beautiful things that surround us; burning red sunsets, wispy, candy floss like cloud. I feel we ignore these aspects of life as they can get submerged in the quagmire of day to day living. By losing touch with ourselves we have lost the inherent ability to simply exist and be aware of our connection with this planet and all those species we share it with. Whimsical ? Perhaps but it really has hit a nerve with me.
I would not say I am spiritual in the traditional sense but I have a passion for all things natural. Weather, geology and astronomy knit very closely in my world. Paganism has some meaning to me although I remain largely agnostic.
Anyhow I won't get too bogged down with this but I highly recommend allowing yourself some time to relax, clear your head and enjoy just 'being.'
It is liberating, cathartic and we all deserve a break from our minds once in a while. The mind can be the most destructive element to our lives, torture can be borne out of intellect and something so powerful needs to have constraints.
Rainy xxx
Tuesday 13 December 2011
Friday 9 December 2011
The disparity between physical and mental
Hello! The end of another week and we are inching ever closer to that time of year. Get ready to be immersed in the frivolity of it all.
Due to the anaemic phase I am currently going through, I have been feeling rather morose at times. It is part and parcel of the sheer exhaustion I feel day to day at the moment. I still notice that when I feel down and sad, the old body woes haunt me. I see myself in a different, more negative light. Odd right? Not really. It is getting better but the road to recovery is long and winding and I have
not finished the journey just yet. Physically, I look the same as I have the past 4 years but mentally, the mind has some serious ground to make
up.
Off of the back of that, I wanted to pose a question to people reading this. We can get so caught up in the negative that we totally neglect the positive.
Please list your 5 favourite physical features about you. You can answer anonymously if you wish.
I will kick this off. To throw a spin on
it, I am going to cast my mind back
to when I was obese and base my 5 as if I were obese now (I used to play this game with a friend.)
1. Hands
2. Back
3. Skin
4. Long legs
5. Eyes
I pass the floor to you :)
L xx
Due to the anaemic phase I am currently going through, I have been feeling rather morose at times. It is part and parcel of the sheer exhaustion I feel day to day at the moment. I still notice that when I feel down and sad, the old body woes haunt me. I see myself in a different, more negative light. Odd right? Not really. It is getting better but the road to recovery is long and winding and I have
not finished the journey just yet. Physically, I look the same as I have the past 4 years but mentally, the mind has some serious ground to make
up.
Off of the back of that, I wanted to pose a question to people reading this. We can get so caught up in the negative that we totally neglect the positive.
Please list your 5 favourite physical features about you. You can answer anonymously if you wish.
I will kick this off. To throw a spin on
it, I am going to cast my mind back
to when I was obese and base my 5 as if I were obese now (I used to play this game with a friend.)
1. Hands
2. Back
3. Skin
4. Long legs
5. Eyes
I pass the floor to you :)
L xx
Sunday 4 December 2011
My top weight loss tips - EXERCISE
Our bodies are machines. They need to be fuelled, well oiled and maintained to operate efficiently. They are designed to move and be active so it is very important that we use them as they were intended.
From my own experience, exercise has been the main contributing factor which has enabled me to get to where I am today. The nutritional side of it is important but you can only achieve so much with calorie control alone.
When I committed to losing the weight, I knew that I had to commit to exercise too. Little did I know just how much I would grow to love it and how it would play such an important and enjoyable role in my everyday routine.
EXERCISE
Lay the foundations first - when you start, don't push it too hard. If your body is not accustomed to exercise, give it a gentle introduction and make sure you ease yourself in gradually. If you make things hard for yourself too soon, you are more likely to not enjoy it and give up. You are also more prone to injury, especially if you are carrying lots of extra weight as this puts pressure on your ligaments and joints. Your muscles, cardiorespiratory system and mind set need to adjust permanently, give them a chance. I started by gentle gym work, cycling and walking.
Walking: the most natural thing a bipedal does - walking is highly underrated. I lost around 130 pounds of my main bulk by walking. It is free to do, easier on your body, it builds fitness gradually and is fantastic for conditioning. Incorporate hills into your routine. Hill walking is excellent for strengthening your legs and pushing you into the cardio fat burning zone.
Core exercising - As I have mentioned in previous posts, a strong core is integral to not only improving posture but aiding your work out sessions. The core incorporates all muscle groups around the trunk of your body so your tummy, sides and lower back. Doing sets of crunches whilst watching TV gets you off the sofa, burns calories and will pay dividends eventually.
Variety is the spice of life - keep things varied and interesting, don't stick with one type of training but vary your activities. By varying what you do, you
keep things interesting and you are less likely to tire or bore of your regime. Badminton, tennis and squash are all sports I played at least once a week, alongside my other activities.
Patience is a virtue - Rome was not built in a day. It took a few months before I saw a real difference in my shape but, when the changes do start happening, they happen fast. Remember that those muscles nestled under and excess fat are being worked and will respond. You will see the benefits, you need to stick with it and bide your time.
The day or rest - you must take at least one day off a week (ideally more to begin with) to allow your body some rest and healing time. Rest is important for muscle repair. If you over train, you will burn out or injury yourself.
Never exercise within one hour of eating - if you eat a meal and then train within an hour of that meal, indigestion and stitch will become you constant companions. Let your food digest before you start training.
Eating protein after a work out session will aid in muscle repair so get those cans of tuna at the ready!
Stay hydrated - Our bodies lose a lot of water whilst we are training. Dehydration leads to poor performance and electrolyte depletion during exercise so keep a bottle of water handy at all times. Energy drinks do contain some of the electrolytes we need so it is ok to have one of these after a session.
Monitor your heart rate - one of the most useful gadgets I use is a heart rate monitor. There are many on the market now that are affordable and it is important to know which training zone your heart is in.
To read more about cardio training zones, see below:-
http://www.heart.com/heart-rate-chart.html
Resistance work - weight training is crucial to overall conditioning and strength. Weight training can sound like a daunting prospect but, for the purposes of weight loss, low weighted dumbbells and high repetitions are the way to go. Please see my November post entitled 'weight circuit training plan' for more information.
Set yourself a challenge - fitness serves as a benefit in all our lives but setting yourself a goal enables you to stay focused and stick with it. Whether it be a timed walking challenged, a long distance bike ride, 5k running race or mountain climb, goals provide something tangible to work towards.
Schedule your workouts into your day - we lead busy lives and it is not always easy to find time. Pre plan what you are going to do through the week, have your kit to hand before work so you haven excuses not to go out and do a session when you get home.
I hope these tips have been useful. I hope that anyone reading this realises just how beneficial regular exercise is not only for body, but mind too.
R xx
From my own experience, exercise has been the main contributing factor which has enabled me to get to where I am today. The nutritional side of it is important but you can only achieve so much with calorie control alone.
When I committed to losing the weight, I knew that I had to commit to exercise too. Little did I know just how much I would grow to love it and how it would play such an important and enjoyable role in my everyday routine.
EXERCISE
Lay the foundations first - when you start, don't push it too hard. If your body is not accustomed to exercise, give it a gentle introduction and make sure you ease yourself in gradually. If you make things hard for yourself too soon, you are more likely to not enjoy it and give up. You are also more prone to injury, especially if you are carrying lots of extra weight as this puts pressure on your ligaments and joints. Your muscles, cardiorespiratory system and mind set need to adjust permanently, give them a chance. I started by gentle gym work, cycling and walking.
Walking: the most natural thing a bipedal does - walking is highly underrated. I lost around 130 pounds of my main bulk by walking. It is free to do, easier on your body, it builds fitness gradually and is fantastic for conditioning. Incorporate hills into your routine. Hill walking is excellent for strengthening your legs and pushing you into the cardio fat burning zone.
Core exercising - As I have mentioned in previous posts, a strong core is integral to not only improving posture but aiding your work out sessions. The core incorporates all muscle groups around the trunk of your body so your tummy, sides and lower back. Doing sets of crunches whilst watching TV gets you off the sofa, burns calories and will pay dividends eventually.
Variety is the spice of life - keep things varied and interesting, don't stick with one type of training but vary your activities. By varying what you do, you
keep things interesting and you are less likely to tire or bore of your regime. Badminton, tennis and squash are all sports I played at least once a week, alongside my other activities.
Patience is a virtue - Rome was not built in a day. It took a few months before I saw a real difference in my shape but, when the changes do start happening, they happen fast. Remember that those muscles nestled under and excess fat are being worked and will respond. You will see the benefits, you need to stick with it and bide your time.
The day or rest - you must take at least one day off a week (ideally more to begin with) to allow your body some rest and healing time. Rest is important for muscle repair. If you over train, you will burn out or injury yourself.
Never exercise within one hour of eating - if you eat a meal and then train within an hour of that meal, indigestion and stitch will become you constant companions. Let your food digest before you start training.
Eating protein after a work out session will aid in muscle repair so get those cans of tuna at the ready!
Stay hydrated - Our bodies lose a lot of water whilst we are training. Dehydration leads to poor performance and electrolyte depletion during exercise so keep a bottle of water handy at all times. Energy drinks do contain some of the electrolytes we need so it is ok to have one of these after a session.
Monitor your heart rate - one of the most useful gadgets I use is a heart rate monitor. There are many on the market now that are affordable and it is important to know which training zone your heart is in.
To read more about cardio training zones, see below:-
http://www.heart.com/heart-rate-chart.html
Resistance work - weight training is crucial to overall conditioning and strength. Weight training can sound like a daunting prospect but, for the purposes of weight loss, low weighted dumbbells and high repetitions are the way to go. Please see my November post entitled 'weight circuit training plan' for more information.
Set yourself a challenge - fitness serves as a benefit in all our lives but setting yourself a goal enables you to stay focused and stick with it. Whether it be a timed walking challenged, a long distance bike ride, 5k running race or mountain climb, goals provide something tangible to work towards.
Schedule your workouts into your day - we lead busy lives and it is not always easy to find time. Pre plan what you are going to do through the week, have your kit to hand before work so you haven excuses not to go out and do a session when you get home.
I hope these tips have been useful. I hope that anyone reading this realises just how beneficial regular exercise is not only for body, but mind too.
R xx
Saturday 3 December 2011
My top weight loss tips - FOOD
Having tried and tested many things myself, I wanted to offer up some of my top weight loss tips. We are all different, such is the variety of life and what might work for one might not work for another. There has been a lot of trial and error for me but I think these tips really have worked and, more importantly, have remained a consistent part of my lifestyle to this day.
So with no further ado...
Food
NEVER under eat - There are many negatives as a result of constricting your calories too severely. You are more likely to end up bingeing, your blood sugar levels will be unstable, your body will generally not respond well long term. We have all heard about starvation mode. Restricted calories can induce a state of shock and subsequent defence of your body to preserve it's fat/energy reserves. Another negative element to this is you won't have the energy to exercise; a vital component to successful and long term weightloss.
Under eating WILL catch up with you eventually.
Crazy diets - the word 'diet' can be construed in many ways. To me, diet has negative connotations as I tend to associate it with unnatural forms of food choice. The Atkins diet, the cabbage soup diet, slim fast, celebrity slimmer, they are all doomed to fail. Long term eating habit changes require a sensible, moderated view on what you are putting in your mouth. Our bodies need carbs, protein, fat, minerals and vitamins to remain healthy. By cutting out any of these elements from your consumption, you are playing a potentially dangerous game with your health.
Try to eat little and often - By dividing your 3 main meals up into smaller, more frequent meals you keep your blood sugar levels more stable, thus minimising the risk of snacking on the unhealthy options. This will also negate the risk of you piling your plate high with food and over eating when you do have a meal.
Breakfast really is the most important meal of the day - This is so true, by eating breakfast you are fuelling your body far more efficiently. Breakfast kick starts the metabolism and you are less likely to snack later on.
Increase those complex carbohydrates - complex carbs provide a slow releasing energy source that your body finds far easier to manage. Brown rice, brown pasta, root vegetables and wholegrain are all complex. Simple carbohydrates (biscuits, sweets, refined sugar) serves a purpose but should not form your main intake of carbs as they can disrupt your blood sugar levels, making them more unstable. This can lead to energy depletion and proneness to snacking.
More information can be found below
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/focus/nutrition/facts/lifestylemanagement/carbohydrates.htm
Fizzy mineral water - Fizzy, sugar laden drinks such as Coke are loaded with calories. At one point I was getting through 2 litres of Coke a day when I was obese. If you want to wean yourself off these drinks, replace with a flavoured, fizzy mineral water. Despite them still being carbonated, they are low in calories but give you that fizzy fix.
Healthy takeaway options - total deprivation whilst dieting is more likely to lead to bingeing. Some studies suggest that over 90% of dieters will regain weight within 5 years.
Don't deprive yourself completely.
When I was half way through my weight loss, I treated myself to a takeaway every Friday. There are healthier options on the menu and it is up to you to make that healthy choice.
Lets use Chinese as an example. Instead of egg fried rice, get boiled rice. Instead of dishes where the meat is fried in batter, select one where the meat comes as is such as lemon chicken (one of my favourites!) Kebabs - instead of a greasy doner, why not have a shish where the meat is grilled.
Healthy snacks - I know better than anybody how addictive sugar is. I worked my way through so much candy, I am surprised I have any teeth left. When you are losing weight, there are going to be those inevitable times where you crave chocolate, biscuits and sweets. Grapes, raisins and dried fruit provide enough fructose to satisfy your sugary cravings.
Dreaded desserts - thankfully I am not that big on dessert and never have been but there are healthier options. Why not replace ice cream with sorbet? Sorbet does contain a fair bit of sugar but, in moderation, it is a suitable replacement should you feel the desire to cleanse that pallette!
Eat when you are hungry - Something many people do not do is listen to is their body. I feel, as an overall society, that we are totally out of touch with what is most organic; our physical selves. I have learnt to identify when I am hungry. it has taken many years to recognise the feeling but it is distinctive when you learn how to listen.
Make sure your are drinking enough liquid. Hunger can often be confused with thirst. Many people are dehydrated and do not even know it. Caffeine acts as a diarrhetic and so if your are a regular coffee or tea drinker especially, make sure you are getting enough water.
I hope some of these tips have been useful, many are well known and are so for a reason - they work.
Next time I will provide my top tips for exercising - a crucial elements to successful and sustained weight loss.
R xx
So with no further ado...
Food
NEVER under eat - There are many negatives as a result of constricting your calories too severely. You are more likely to end up bingeing, your blood sugar levels will be unstable, your body will generally not respond well long term. We have all heard about starvation mode. Restricted calories can induce a state of shock and subsequent defence of your body to preserve it's fat/energy reserves. Another negative element to this is you won't have the energy to exercise; a vital component to successful and long term weightloss.
Under eating WILL catch up with you eventually.
Crazy diets - the word 'diet' can be construed in many ways. To me, diet has negative connotations as I tend to associate it with unnatural forms of food choice. The Atkins diet, the cabbage soup diet, slim fast, celebrity slimmer, they are all doomed to fail. Long term eating habit changes require a sensible, moderated view on what you are putting in your mouth. Our bodies need carbs, protein, fat, minerals and vitamins to remain healthy. By cutting out any of these elements from your consumption, you are playing a potentially dangerous game with your health.
Try to eat little and often - By dividing your 3 main meals up into smaller, more frequent meals you keep your blood sugar levels more stable, thus minimising the risk of snacking on the unhealthy options. This will also negate the risk of you piling your plate high with food and over eating when you do have a meal.
Breakfast really is the most important meal of the day - This is so true, by eating breakfast you are fuelling your body far more efficiently. Breakfast kick starts the metabolism and you are less likely to snack later on.
Increase those complex carbohydrates - complex carbs provide a slow releasing energy source that your body finds far easier to manage. Brown rice, brown pasta, root vegetables and wholegrain are all complex. Simple carbohydrates (biscuits, sweets, refined sugar) serves a purpose but should not form your main intake of carbs as they can disrupt your blood sugar levels, making them more unstable. This can lead to energy depletion and proneness to snacking.
More information can be found below
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/focus/nutrition/facts/lifestylemanagement/carbohydrates.htm
Fizzy mineral water - Fizzy, sugar laden drinks such as Coke are loaded with calories. At one point I was getting through 2 litres of Coke a day when I was obese. If you want to wean yourself off these drinks, replace with a flavoured, fizzy mineral water. Despite them still being carbonated, they are low in calories but give you that fizzy fix.
Healthy takeaway options - total deprivation whilst dieting is more likely to lead to bingeing. Some studies suggest that over 90% of dieters will regain weight within 5 years.
Don't deprive yourself completely.
When I was half way through my weight loss, I treated myself to a takeaway every Friday. There are healthier options on the menu and it is up to you to make that healthy choice.
Lets use Chinese as an example. Instead of egg fried rice, get boiled rice. Instead of dishes where the meat is fried in batter, select one where the meat comes as is such as lemon chicken (one of my favourites!) Kebabs - instead of a greasy doner, why not have a shish where the meat is grilled.
Healthy snacks - I know better than anybody how addictive sugar is. I worked my way through so much candy, I am surprised I have any teeth left. When you are losing weight, there are going to be those inevitable times where you crave chocolate, biscuits and sweets. Grapes, raisins and dried fruit provide enough fructose to satisfy your sugary cravings.
Dreaded desserts - thankfully I am not that big on dessert and never have been but there are healthier options. Why not replace ice cream with sorbet? Sorbet does contain a fair bit of sugar but, in moderation, it is a suitable replacement should you feel the desire to cleanse that pallette!
Eat when you are hungry - Something many people do not do is listen to is their body. I feel, as an overall society, that we are totally out of touch with what is most organic; our physical selves. I have learnt to identify when I am hungry. it has taken many years to recognise the feeling but it is distinctive when you learn how to listen.
Make sure your are drinking enough liquid. Hunger can often be confused with thirst. Many people are dehydrated and do not even know it. Caffeine acts as a diarrhetic and so if your are a regular coffee or tea drinker especially, make sure you are getting enough water.
I hope some of these tips have been useful, many are well known and are so for a reason - they work.
Next time I will provide my top tips for exercising - a crucial elements to successful and sustained weight loss.
R xx
Oxygen deficiency
I have been thinking today about how my life has changed over the past 7 years. I say 7 because that incorporates the time when I was at my biggest and most unhappy.
Existing took effort back then, now I can move around, go up and downstairs and not even notice it but I could not do that before. I had to build up the motivation to go to the kitchen, go take a bath, go fix dinner. Everything took a huge amount of effort.
Unfortunately I have started to experience those unmotivational feelings again but, this time, there is a different reason. Since I lost the weight, I have developed iron deficient anaemia. My doctor is not too certain what is causing it but my energy levels have been non existent over the past 6 weeks. My ferrous levels fluctuate, sometimes I can go for several months with no ill effect but others, I am wiped out. The doctor has questioned whether it could be diet related but, overall, my diet is ok.
I had a blood test 2 weeks ago and it came back confirming that my anaemia is as bad as it has ever been. I sleep at any given opportunity and could quite happily stay in bed all day. My head is fuzzy, my attention span compromised frequently and I have a tendency to get quite low. I am still exercising but the sessions are fraught with frustration as my muscles ache quickly and my overall performance is a shadow of it's former glory. These symptoms are all part and parcel of the condition. I can't help but question whether I have been anaemic for longer than I realise. I demand a lot from my body physically. As a result, I think the lack lustre tiredness is more acute. Before, I put my constant tiredness down to my weight.
Anaemia is a horrible condition, essentially your oxygen carrying red blood cells are unable to transport the oxygen needed to keep you fully alert and energised. I am on high dose iron tablets for 3 months and have adopted a wheat free diet as wheat can inhibit the bodies ability to absorb nutrients.
All in all, I am shattered at the moment. I think this highlights how important it is to look after yourself. Weight loss is not just about dropping fat, it is about improving your overall health. A balanced, nutrient rich diet can work wonders.
R xx
Existing took effort back then, now I can move around, go up and downstairs and not even notice it but I could not do that before. I had to build up the motivation to go to the kitchen, go take a bath, go fix dinner. Everything took a huge amount of effort.
Unfortunately I have started to experience those unmotivational feelings again but, this time, there is a different reason. Since I lost the weight, I have developed iron deficient anaemia. My doctor is not too certain what is causing it but my energy levels have been non existent over the past 6 weeks. My ferrous levels fluctuate, sometimes I can go for several months with no ill effect but others, I am wiped out. The doctor has questioned whether it could be diet related but, overall, my diet is ok.
I had a blood test 2 weeks ago and it came back confirming that my anaemia is as bad as it has ever been. I sleep at any given opportunity and could quite happily stay in bed all day. My head is fuzzy, my attention span compromised frequently and I have a tendency to get quite low. I am still exercising but the sessions are fraught with frustration as my muscles ache quickly and my overall performance is a shadow of it's former glory. These symptoms are all part and parcel of the condition. I can't help but question whether I have been anaemic for longer than I realise. I demand a lot from my body physically. As a result, I think the lack lustre tiredness is more acute. Before, I put my constant tiredness down to my weight.
Anaemia is a horrible condition, essentially your oxygen carrying red blood cells are unable to transport the oxygen needed to keep you fully alert and energised. I am on high dose iron tablets for 3 months and have adopted a wheat free diet as wheat can inhibit the bodies ability to absorb nutrients.
All in all, I am shattered at the moment. I think this highlights how important it is to look after yourself. Weight loss is not just about dropping fat, it is about improving your overall health. A balanced, nutrient rich diet can work wonders.
R xx
Seasonal metabolic affectedness disorder
Just a short one this am.
How is everyone this Saturday morning? I treated myself to some relaxed TV viewing last night and was appalled at how THAT time of year is being rammed down our throats via every medium known to man. It is 3 weeks away still advertisers, sort it out! Of course they won't, the sooner they start advertising, the more wonga they make. If I had my way, I would start thinking about Christmas on Christmas Eve, then forget about it by the 27th. I would sooner hibernate for 2 weeks and come around when it is all over. The true sentiment of Christmas has been lost, swallowed up in excessive drinking, spending, partying and eating.
The financial pressure families must feel at this time of year cannot be nice, especially in these turbulent economic times. I am sure there will be many a frugal Christmas this year; nuts and satsumas in stockings, pieces of coal under the tree!
So the festive season has put me in mind of the gastronomic challenges anyone losing weight faces at this time of year. Gym memberships will inevitably soar post New Years Eve 2011 but any time before that seems to give many people the licence to gorge on food. In all fairness, our discipline IS tested at this time of year. All that tempting food and booze laid out on the supermarket shelves, yearning you to buy it with it's alluring advertising. There is a veritable pressure to eat like a gannet and drink like a fish; friends parties, work Christmas dinners, catching up with friends and family. it's party season right? I think I shall coin a new term 'seasonal metabolic affectedness disorder' (SMAD for a nice acronym.) The definition can be, 'the general publics en masse, seasonal urge to consume copious amounts of calories during a 7 day period.'
The last couple of Christmases, I have relaxed my eating habits a bit. It is nice to enjoy a gut busting Christmas dinner and partake in the yummy desserts and tasty snacks that are shunted around. I think it is all to easy to fall off the weight loss wagon after Christmas, for some it is very hard to clamber back on in the New Year.
Nevertheless it is important to enjoy ourselves, especially if those around us are! We can still be mindful of what we are eating but loosening the reins a little bit won't matter too much
R xx
How is everyone this Saturday morning? I treated myself to some relaxed TV viewing last night and was appalled at how THAT time of year is being rammed down our throats via every medium known to man. It is 3 weeks away still advertisers, sort it out! Of course they won't, the sooner they start advertising, the more wonga they make. If I had my way, I would start thinking about Christmas on Christmas Eve, then forget about it by the 27th. I would sooner hibernate for 2 weeks and come around when it is all over. The true sentiment of Christmas has been lost, swallowed up in excessive drinking, spending, partying and eating.
The financial pressure families must feel at this time of year cannot be nice, especially in these turbulent economic times. I am sure there will be many a frugal Christmas this year; nuts and satsumas in stockings, pieces of coal under the tree!
So the festive season has put me in mind of the gastronomic challenges anyone losing weight faces at this time of year. Gym memberships will inevitably soar post New Years Eve 2011 but any time before that seems to give many people the licence to gorge on food. In all fairness, our discipline IS tested at this time of year. All that tempting food and booze laid out on the supermarket shelves, yearning you to buy it with it's alluring advertising. There is a veritable pressure to eat like a gannet and drink like a fish; friends parties, work Christmas dinners, catching up with friends and family. it's party season right? I think I shall coin a new term 'seasonal metabolic affectedness disorder' (SMAD for a nice acronym.) The definition can be, 'the general publics en masse, seasonal urge to consume copious amounts of calories during a 7 day period.'
The last couple of Christmases, I have relaxed my eating habits a bit. It is nice to enjoy a gut busting Christmas dinner and partake in the yummy desserts and tasty snacks that are shunted around. I think it is all to easy to fall off the weight loss wagon after Christmas, for some it is very hard to clamber back on in the New Year.
Nevertheless it is important to enjoy ourselves, especially if those around us are! We can still be mindful of what we are eating but loosening the reins a little bit won't matter too much
R xx
Tuesday 22 November 2011
Dating; an unnatural but necessary function
Following on from my rather serious yet frank last post , I happened across a spontaneous date last night. This chap is from my online pursuit, internet dating is alive and well. We have been in contact for a couple of weeks now and randomly suggested meeting. Cool! I don't do planning so, already, brownie points totting up with a 'ding ding!'
He has proven himself by writing some well constructed, interesting sentences so I was more than happy to meet up. Considering that 99.9% of the messages I receive on there contain 2 or 3 words of a non extensive repertoire such as , 'hi gorgeous' or 'how are you?' , the boy did good.
Interestingly, he referred to me as brave for meeting him in the pub. I found this statement insightful and pointed out to him that I did not see it as brave. I suppose, on reflection, he was probably insinuating that he could be any type of lunatic, which is fair point but then I also pointed out that I had a machete in the boot and pepper spray in my pocket!!!!
Dating is rather fascinating to me, we decided willingly to meet a complete stranger at a neutral location, with the sole purpose of scoping them out for potential partnerdom. An interesting social experiment don't you think? It invariably follows a similar path, each date plays out similarly in
many ways. You harbour a certain amount of nerves leading up to the date itself, a multitude of questions darting around your head, 'will I fancy them?', 'will they bore the crap out of me?', 'How do I get out of it if I decide not to stay?'
Normally it is good to have a friend on stand by, just in case they are required to make an urgent phone call to you. I also have an application on my phone that rings it, an auto generated voice will then sound out , pregnant pauses available for me to interject as if I am holding a conversation with someone. Only flaw with that one is that it is an American app and so a) sounds cheesy b)fake c) it sounds like a scape goat app on my phone!!
Luckily last night, there was no requirement for any get out clause. Phew! We had a nice chat after any initial awkwardness which is inevitable.
There was a couple sitting near us, being all smoochy and I was mindful of the fact that it was fairly plain to see that this chap and I had never met before. I bet they twigged that we had met in cyber space, funny :)
So just a short one but my Monday evening was certainly more varied than normal.
Just for the record, I will be seeing aforementioned date again :)
R xx
He has proven himself by writing some well constructed, interesting sentences so I was more than happy to meet up. Considering that 99.9% of the messages I receive on there contain 2 or 3 words of a non extensive repertoire such as , 'hi gorgeous' or 'how are you?' , the boy did good.
Interestingly, he referred to me as brave for meeting him in the pub. I found this statement insightful and pointed out to him that I did not see it as brave. I suppose, on reflection, he was probably insinuating that he could be any type of lunatic, which is fair point but then I also pointed out that I had a machete in the boot and pepper spray in my pocket!!!!
Dating is rather fascinating to me, we decided willingly to meet a complete stranger at a neutral location, with the sole purpose of scoping them out for potential partnerdom. An interesting social experiment don't you think? It invariably follows a similar path, each date plays out similarly in
many ways. You harbour a certain amount of nerves leading up to the date itself, a multitude of questions darting around your head, 'will I fancy them?', 'will they bore the crap out of me?', 'How do I get out of it if I decide not to stay?'
Normally it is good to have a friend on stand by, just in case they are required to make an urgent phone call to you. I also have an application on my phone that rings it, an auto generated voice will then sound out , pregnant pauses available for me to interject as if I am holding a conversation with someone. Only flaw with that one is that it is an American app and so a) sounds cheesy b)fake c) it sounds like a scape goat app on my phone!!
Luckily last night, there was no requirement for any get out clause. Phew! We had a nice chat after any initial awkwardness which is inevitable.
There was a couple sitting near us, being all smoochy and I was mindful of the fact that it was fairly plain to see that this chap and I had never met before. I bet they twigged that we had met in cyber space, funny :)
So just a short one but my Monday evening was certainly more varied than normal.
Just for the record, I will be seeing aforementioned date again :)
R xx
Monday 21 November 2011
What's love got to do with it?
In the words of Miss Turner herself, I pose this question. Tonight I want to....correction, NEED to write. It is a fantastic outlet when you have to get something off your chest and I have always used it as a useful coping mechanism historically. I do apologise if this comes across as mildly narcissistic but I thought , 'well I want to write and I need to vent, so why not use my blog and a public arena to do it!'
The majority of posts on here relate to weight loss, which consolidates the title of my blog but a break from the norm is required. I wanted to talk about the subject of love, amore; that universal language that represents peace and unity, unconditional care and affection for another human being.
Romantic love has always evaded me up until recently, an unknown emotion that others seem to have experience with, I am merely a beginner. The word love means different things to different people; perhaps the way a person hair falls over their eyes, the way a partner laughs uncontrollably at witty things you say. It also has the potential to be the most potent and intoxicating emotion we can experience. A deep, understood connection that two people share. It can be both nurturing or destructive, euphoric or despairing.
Argh? This is far removed from any
other post thus far but something I have been mulling just recently.
Background (and keeping an epic long story short) I started seeing a man last year and someone I had known for a long time previously, although not well. It was hardly love at first sight, although does that exist? Physically I could not ignore him. We got on and stayed in contact via email as he moved around quite a bit. An opportunity arose for us to hang out one long weekend and we had one of the most memorable times I have ever had. Something just clicked. I cannot even begin to describe it, he certainly managed to infiltrate a part of my heart that had been vacant previously. Circumstance s being as they were, we could not be together but I got home and had this heady, glorious feeling inside of me. Butterflies in the tummy, a warm glow radiated from me and it was all down to him. The feeling was fantastic, a runaway stream of happiness.
So 18 months on and we have not seen one another since. We remain
in contact at times but it is fleeting and superficial. As this is a public arena I do not want to bog this post down with detail but, essentially, my feelings are not reciprocated; a dagger rips through my heart every time he contacts me. Despite the fact said man and I have not spent much time together, I can categorically say that I am in love with him, there is no melodrama involved here. Head over heels, Truly, madly, deeply. Ordinarily I am adept at keeping my emotions in check and can even appear as a little cold. Control! Up until the age 31 I don't think I had ever experienced what being in love felt like.
For me, it has caused distress, turmoil and perplexity for the most part although embers of that initial fire between us smoulder
on occasionally. Those first few days of euphoria have been replaced by the reality that he simply does not want me anymore. I think about him everyday, as some point or another and wish things could be different. I know I am flogging a dead horse but there is that small part of you that holds out hope. A tenuous, unrealised hope that will ultimately lead me back to the same road, a road without him.
How do you conquer your feelings? It is not so easy. Try as you might, love will constantly pull you back to when
things were good. You remain deluded by your own misconceptions. I know I cannot have this chap, I realise he is unattainable but I still cling on almost; little Miss poker face has finally
been breached !
Is it a chemical reaction to another person we tap into? Some invisible force that coaxes two people together? I wish I truly knew what chemistry really means but I do know one thing; when it's good, it's really really good. When it is bad it is rubbish!
Either way, I am going to stop writing about the L word. Perhaps you have experienced the same? Either been on the receiving end of the unrequited variety or been the object of someones affection? It can be mighty painful!
Rainy xx
The majority of posts on here relate to weight loss, which consolidates the title of my blog but a break from the norm is required. I wanted to talk about the subject of love, amore; that universal language that represents peace and unity, unconditional care and affection for another human being.
Romantic love has always evaded me up until recently, an unknown emotion that others seem to have experience with, I am merely a beginner. The word love means different things to different people; perhaps the way a person hair falls over their eyes, the way a partner laughs uncontrollably at witty things you say. It also has the potential to be the most potent and intoxicating emotion we can experience. A deep, understood connection that two people share. It can be both nurturing or destructive, euphoric or despairing.
Argh? This is far removed from any
other post thus far but something I have been mulling just recently.
Background (and keeping an epic long story short) I started seeing a man last year and someone I had known for a long time previously, although not well. It was hardly love at first sight, although does that exist? Physically I could not ignore him. We got on and stayed in contact via email as he moved around quite a bit. An opportunity arose for us to hang out one long weekend and we had one of the most memorable times I have ever had. Something just clicked. I cannot even begin to describe it, he certainly managed to infiltrate a part of my heart that had been vacant previously. Circumstance s being as they were, we could not be together but I got home and had this heady, glorious feeling inside of me. Butterflies in the tummy, a warm glow radiated from me and it was all down to him. The feeling was fantastic, a runaway stream of happiness.
So 18 months on and we have not seen one another since. We remain
in contact at times but it is fleeting and superficial. As this is a public arena I do not want to bog this post down with detail but, essentially, my feelings are not reciprocated; a dagger rips through my heart every time he contacts me. Despite the fact said man and I have not spent much time together, I can categorically say that I am in love with him, there is no melodrama involved here. Head over heels, Truly, madly, deeply. Ordinarily I am adept at keeping my emotions in check and can even appear as a little cold. Control! Up until the age 31 I don't think I had ever experienced what being in love felt like.
For me, it has caused distress, turmoil and perplexity for the most part although embers of that initial fire between us smoulder
on occasionally. Those first few days of euphoria have been replaced by the reality that he simply does not want me anymore. I think about him everyday, as some point or another and wish things could be different. I know I am flogging a dead horse but there is that small part of you that holds out hope. A tenuous, unrealised hope that will ultimately lead me back to the same road, a road without him.
How do you conquer your feelings? It is not so easy. Try as you might, love will constantly pull you back to when
things were good. You remain deluded by your own misconceptions. I know I cannot have this chap, I realise he is unattainable but I still cling on almost; little Miss poker face has finally
been breached !
Is it a chemical reaction to another person we tap into? Some invisible force that coaxes two people together? I wish I truly knew what chemistry really means but I do know one thing; when it's good, it's really really good. When it is bad it is rubbish!
Either way, I am going to stop writing about the L word. Perhaps you have experienced the same? Either been on the receiving end of the unrequited variety or been the object of someones affection? It can be mighty painful!
Rainy xx
Tuesday 15 November 2011
Are you looking at me?
When I was fat, I was deemed unacceptable in societies distorted view of what is considered 'normal.' Fat people ARE stared at, whether it is right or wrong is beside the point. It almost seems like a disfigurement to some, the large bodies some of us carry around are viewed as a physical flaw.
This makes me angry for 2 reasons. One there is such a thing called free will. Most of us live in a free society and so the way we choose to dress or look should be encompassed within that. My second reason is that no one has the right to belittle or demean another. Should we choose to ask someones opinion then we will but offering up comments and observations that are guaranteed to hurt and offend is unacceptable and cruel.
Being noticed but wanting to fade into the background
Despite the fact I am now the size I am, I still get angry when people acknowledge the way I look. I do get compliments but these people may as well be saying 'oh you look so much better now'; is an inadvertent slap in the face for the old me. Great, so now I look much better and have a figure so, all of a sudden, I am more of an attractive prospect and worthy of attention? I can 100% guarantee that these men who comment now would not have given me a second glance this time 5 years ago. It makes me angry! I hope I am not coming across as bitter as I am not really, this post was spurned by reading an article about a chap who is now the most 'in demand' Brad Pitt look a like. A few years ago he was morbidly obese and unhealthy. He decided, as I did, that it was make or break. He went with make.
During the interview he pertains to what I have already tried to relate, saying "I felt angry that people were focusing so much on my looks, rather than the person I was inside. I've been the fat guy who nobody wanted to talk to. I used to walk into a room and everyone stopped and stared....I felt angry at society for being so shallow when I lost the weight. Even now, when I look in the mirror I still see the fat guy I once was. I think in my mind I'll always be that guy."
This paragraph is so poignant to me, he encapsulated the matter at hand very succinctly. Society is vain. He is still the same person, it's just the packaging has changed. Going from being snubbed by society to have it embrace you is a hard transition and one that has posed the most trouble in my mind. How dare people pick and choose how to treat me, based solely on the way I look. But it is part of the human condition, we are naturally programmed to accept slim as attractive. On a very primal but superficial level it denotes a person has virility, health and self respect.
I have been privvy to weight related bullying just recently, ordinarily I try to avoid conflict but I have absolutely no qualms in confronting it if I feel someone around me is being scrutinised about their weight. It really does stab me through the heart when I see or hear it happen, the empathy and understanding I have is deep seeded
Are they really that shallow?
There is certainly no danger of me getting a big head. Any time someone comments or shows some attention, I am thrust back into the bigger me. Oh how those comments would have been different had we been in the same situation 5 years ago. I still find myself shy away and avoid eye contact, compliments can be hard to take on board when you have spent so many years giving yourself a hard time and hating what you had become. Perhaps I should embrace it more? Perhaps I have a chip on my shoulder (and not an edible one) that is preventing me from meeting someone? I do know I question mens intentions with me now and the type of man I have attracted post weight loss has not done me any justice.
My mum said something interesting the other week. We were watching yet another weight loss based programme on TV and the conversation, invariably, harps back to my own experiences. She outlined that, had I not lost the weight, she thinks I would probably be settled and happy now. I found this both an insightful and jarring comment.
Massive weight loss does change you in some ways, not so much your personality but your view and perspective on the bigger picture. I think my experiences post weight loss have opened my eyes to a rather disappointing and vain world. The number of married men who have hit on me is into double figures. I know there are committed and faithful fellas out there but their compadres leave a lot to be desired. I am a single, thirty something female who, on the face of it, never had a weight issue and has always looked the way I do now. Wrong! I am thankful for the bumpy journey I have had, I feel it has made me a more rounded individual.
This post is proving to be quite negative but I want to convey how it is in my mind.
Anyone reading this who is either starting their own journey, in the midst of losing weight or nearing their goal remember one thing. Do it for yourself, no body else. Society will always judge us but this whole journey is about YOU. Bettering your health, your confidence and your self perception is the name of the game. If you keep those things in mind, you will most definitely succeed.
Rainy xx
.
This makes me angry for 2 reasons. One there is such a thing called free will. Most of us live in a free society and so the way we choose to dress or look should be encompassed within that. My second reason is that no one has the right to belittle or demean another. Should we choose to ask someones opinion then we will but offering up comments and observations that are guaranteed to hurt and offend is unacceptable and cruel.
Being noticed but wanting to fade into the background
Despite the fact I am now the size I am, I still get angry when people acknowledge the way I look. I do get compliments but these people may as well be saying 'oh you look so much better now'; is an inadvertent slap in the face for the old me. Great, so now I look much better and have a figure so, all of a sudden, I am more of an attractive prospect and worthy of attention? I can 100% guarantee that these men who comment now would not have given me a second glance this time 5 years ago. It makes me angry! I hope I am not coming across as bitter as I am not really, this post was spurned by reading an article about a chap who is now the most 'in demand' Brad Pitt look a like. A few years ago he was morbidly obese and unhealthy. He decided, as I did, that it was make or break. He went with make.
During the interview he pertains to what I have already tried to relate, saying "I felt angry that people were focusing so much on my looks, rather than the person I was inside. I've been the fat guy who nobody wanted to talk to. I used to walk into a room and everyone stopped and stared....I felt angry at society for being so shallow when I lost the weight. Even now, when I look in the mirror I still see the fat guy I once was. I think in my mind I'll always be that guy."
This paragraph is so poignant to me, he encapsulated the matter at hand very succinctly. Society is vain. He is still the same person, it's just the packaging has changed. Going from being snubbed by society to have it embrace you is a hard transition and one that has posed the most trouble in my mind. How dare people pick and choose how to treat me, based solely on the way I look. But it is part of the human condition, we are naturally programmed to accept slim as attractive. On a very primal but superficial level it denotes a person has virility, health and self respect.
I have been privvy to weight related bullying just recently, ordinarily I try to avoid conflict but I have absolutely no qualms in confronting it if I feel someone around me is being scrutinised about their weight. It really does stab me through the heart when I see or hear it happen, the empathy and understanding I have is deep seeded
Are they really that shallow?
There is certainly no danger of me getting a big head. Any time someone comments or shows some attention, I am thrust back into the bigger me. Oh how those comments would have been different had we been in the same situation 5 years ago. I still find myself shy away and avoid eye contact, compliments can be hard to take on board when you have spent so many years giving yourself a hard time and hating what you had become. Perhaps I should embrace it more? Perhaps I have a chip on my shoulder (and not an edible one) that is preventing me from meeting someone? I do know I question mens intentions with me now and the type of man I have attracted post weight loss has not done me any justice.
My mum said something interesting the other week. We were watching yet another weight loss based programme on TV and the conversation, invariably, harps back to my own experiences. She outlined that, had I not lost the weight, she thinks I would probably be settled and happy now. I found this both an insightful and jarring comment.
Massive weight loss does change you in some ways, not so much your personality but your view and perspective on the bigger picture. I think my experiences post weight loss have opened my eyes to a rather disappointing and vain world. The number of married men who have hit on me is into double figures. I know there are committed and faithful fellas out there but their compadres leave a lot to be desired. I am a single, thirty something female who, on the face of it, never had a weight issue and has always looked the way I do now. Wrong! I am thankful for the bumpy journey I have had, I feel it has made me a more rounded individual.
This post is proving to be quite negative but I want to convey how it is in my mind.
Anyone reading this who is either starting their own journey, in the midst of losing weight or nearing their goal remember one thing. Do it for yourself, no body else. Society will always judge us but this whole journey is about YOU. Bettering your health, your confidence and your self perception is the name of the game. If you keep those things in mind, you will most definitely succeed.
Rainy xx
.
Monday 14 November 2011
Core strength - highly underrated
I am a big advocate for keeping the core strong. The core incorporates not only you abdominal muscles in your tummy (upper and lower) but also your obliques (muscles at the sides) and your lower back muscle groups.
I have worked on my core throughout my weight loss, even when I started out at 300 pounds as I realised how crucial it would be to obtaining the shape I wanted.
My waist measurement started at around the 40" mark (give or take an inch here or there) and, dare I say it, I have always had a 'smaller' waist. When you compare that to my hip width at my biggest, which was around 55", I guess you can see what I mean in terms of the ratios! Now my waist sits at 25" and I put that 14" reduction completely down to the core training I have implemented over the last few years (assisted with the 25% reduction in body fat!)
Admittedly, the results are not immediate and you will likely have to train your core a little while before you see any visual effects but stick with it.
A strong core not only improves your overall posture but it shrinks your waist and enables you to exercise more efficiently. In most cases and with people who do not regularly exercise their core, there is often an imbalance between lower back and abdominal strength. The core muscles are a notoriously hard group of muscles to target but here, I want to share with you how I have done it.
I do a minimum of 100 full sit ups a day, does that sound a lot? Not really, especially since it only takes 1 minute to do a set of 50. That is 2 minutes out of my day and it is perfect timing when you are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Why not continue to watch but get down on the floor and do a set? You could soon tot up a few hundred a week.
I also do core work whilst I train on any circuit session (which I outlined in a previous post.)
There is no quick fix when it comes to exercising and toning your core. I see adverts for machines that are supposed to send an electrical pulse to your core muscles through a belt you wear around your waist. The small and frequent electrical transmissions are purported to stimulate the muscles, fooling them into thinking that your are exercising them. I don't doubt there are benefits to doing this but it cannot replicate the results you get from honest, gutsy training.
Full sit ups aren't for everyone and need to be done properly, otherwise you run the risk of damaging your back and neck. I do the full set as I trained as a kick boxer for 18 months and my Sensai was very keen on core work. After a 2 hour, gruelling training session we would warm down with 1000 core exercises. That is extreme and part and parcel of the training but my short time as a kick boxer assisted me with habits I have kept going.
Crunches are just as effective and there are a whole range you can do that target the upper and lower abdominal muscle groups and obliques. I wanted to share this link with you
http://sportsmedicine.about.com/od/abdominalcorestrength1/a/NewCore.htm
This contains some brilliant information pertaining to what I have touched on in this post, plus it outlines the variety of exercises you can try.
Why not test it?
One great test for core strength is 'the plank'. You may have heard of this and it is a popular yoga move.
Lie face down on the floor to start. Make sure you have some way of timing yourself prior to assuming the correct position.
When you are ready, raise your self up so your toes are supporting your lower body and you are resting on your fore arms, face down. Make sure your arms are in a comfortable position. Ensure your back is following as straight a line as possible in terms of your spine and don't allow your tummy to sink. You hold this position for as long as you can. It is widely accepted that anyone who can hold this for 2+ minutes can be considered to own an acceptably strong, supportive core.
As you hold 'the plank' position, you will notice that, as time passes, your core will start to tremble. Stick with it!
The plank is excellent strength training in itself and forms part of a group of exercises known as callisthenics. This essentially comprises movement where you are utilising your own body and weight to train.
So next time you are watching TV, consider the amount of time it would take (a few minutes at most) to get down and do some sets of crunches.
I promise, you will LOVE the results.
Rainy xx
I have worked on my core throughout my weight loss, even when I started out at 300 pounds as I realised how crucial it would be to obtaining the shape I wanted.
My waist measurement started at around the 40" mark (give or take an inch here or there) and, dare I say it, I have always had a 'smaller' waist. When you compare that to my hip width at my biggest, which was around 55", I guess you can see what I mean in terms of the ratios! Now my waist sits at 25" and I put that 14" reduction completely down to the core training I have implemented over the last few years (assisted with the 25% reduction in body fat!)
Admittedly, the results are not immediate and you will likely have to train your core a little while before you see any visual effects but stick with it.
A strong core not only improves your overall posture but it shrinks your waist and enables you to exercise more efficiently. In most cases and with people who do not regularly exercise their core, there is often an imbalance between lower back and abdominal strength. The core muscles are a notoriously hard group of muscles to target but here, I want to share with you how I have done it.
I do a minimum of 100 full sit ups a day, does that sound a lot? Not really, especially since it only takes 1 minute to do a set of 50. That is 2 minutes out of my day and it is perfect timing when you are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Why not continue to watch but get down on the floor and do a set? You could soon tot up a few hundred a week.
I also do core work whilst I train on any circuit session (which I outlined in a previous post.)
There is no quick fix when it comes to exercising and toning your core. I see adverts for machines that are supposed to send an electrical pulse to your core muscles through a belt you wear around your waist. The small and frequent electrical transmissions are purported to stimulate the muscles, fooling them into thinking that your are exercising them. I don't doubt there are benefits to doing this but it cannot replicate the results you get from honest, gutsy training.
Full sit ups aren't for everyone and need to be done properly, otherwise you run the risk of damaging your back and neck. I do the full set as I trained as a kick boxer for 18 months and my Sensai was very keen on core work. After a 2 hour, gruelling training session we would warm down with 1000 core exercises. That is extreme and part and parcel of the training but my short time as a kick boxer assisted me with habits I have kept going.
Crunches are just as effective and there are a whole range you can do that target the upper and lower abdominal muscle groups and obliques. I wanted to share this link with you
http://sportsmedicine.about.com/od/abdominalcorestrength1/a/NewCore.htm
This contains some brilliant information pertaining to what I have touched on in this post, plus it outlines the variety of exercises you can try.
Why not test it?
One great test for core strength is 'the plank'. You may have heard of this and it is a popular yoga move.
Lie face down on the floor to start. Make sure you have some way of timing yourself prior to assuming the correct position.
When you are ready, raise your self up so your toes are supporting your lower body and you are resting on your fore arms, face down. Make sure your arms are in a comfortable position. Ensure your back is following as straight a line as possible in terms of your spine and don't allow your tummy to sink. You hold this position for as long as you can. It is widely accepted that anyone who can hold this for 2+ minutes can be considered to own an acceptably strong, supportive core.
As you hold 'the plank' position, you will notice that, as time passes, your core will start to tremble. Stick with it!
The plank is excellent strength training in itself and forms part of a group of exercises known as callisthenics. This essentially comprises movement where you are utilising your own body and weight to train.
So next time you are watching TV, consider the amount of time it would take (a few minutes at most) to get down and do some sets of crunches.
I promise, you will LOVE the results.
Rainy xx
More post weight loss reflections
As I have mentioned before in posts, 4 years on and I am not immune to receiving the odd, stark reminder of who I used to be. Last night I stayed in and watched some TV. It's a much cheaper option for me at the moment, I am being somewhat of a hermit but stashing some cash is the name of the game.
Whilst flicking through the rubbish that was on ( and that is a whole load of rubbish considering I have a choice of 90+ channels) I stumbled across a UK show called 'Fat Families.' It does what it says on the tin and centres around families who lead unhealthy lifestyles, stuffing down take aways and convenience food like there is no tomorrow. The extent of their exercise is usually walking to the front door to take delivery of the 5 take out meals they gorge on each week. The presenter is a reborn health freak and weight loss guru. Kudos to him as he had weight problems himself a few years ago before changing his life around through healthy eating and exercise. He is more than qualified to offer support and advice. If you can look past his flamoyant, over zealous , camp presenting style , he deserves much respect for 'melting that lard' (his tag line, not mine!)
So each episode he takes a fat family and attempts to help them change their unhealthy ways. Tonight was a family of four; a husband and wife, mother of that wife and grand mother of that wife (got that?)
They were all obese, ranging between 305 to 270 pounds each in weight.
I watched aforementioned presenter criticising their food choices, frequently breaking out into rallying cries and kitting out their house with a purpose built gym. He used shock tactics in the form of full Medicals for each member, something that always throws up scary result. The grandmother was told that there were signs of reduced liver function (fatty liver disease) and she proceeded to dissolve into tears.
As I watched I realised that I weighed around the same weight as the wife, who topped the scales at 300 pounds. She is shorter than me but anyone who weighs 300 has some weighty issues, regardless of height!
No disrespect to this woman but I thought to myself, 'did I really look that big ?' I must have done but I hardly looked at my reflection back then so I guess the proverb 'out of sight, out of mind.' could be applied. I ignored the reflection and in essence, ignored the problem. Even so, I tried to imagine myself back there again, tried to imagine what I would be like now if I had not done those thousands of miles of cardio (yup thousands, I worked it out the other night) and cleaned up my wayward eating habits. At the time I finally committed to losing the bulk, I was borderline for starting to develop some serious health problems. I really do shudder to think about what would have happened had I not changed things. Where would I be now (probably not too far from a cupboard stuffed with junk food.) and 7 stone heavier still.
Just like those people on the show, we have to realise that we do have the power to get it under control. Our bodies are our vessels through life, we have to care for them and ensure they are equipped to get us through this journey.
I am not sure why but my weightier past has been playing on my mind recently. Today, a friend and I went shopping. Mostly window shopping but we had a look around at various bits and pieces, wanting to expand our winter wardrobes. I found a pair of trousers (pants) I really liked and the shop assistant asked, 'what size are you?' Momentarily I froze! Not sure why, I wonder whether that larger girl was sitting only my shoulder, whispering her fears in my ear.
Turns out I fitted very nicely into a pair of size 10's (US size 8), a size I have been for a long while now. Weird eh? Perhaps not, I am never going to abandon the larger me completely. Had you told the larger me in 2005, that I would be shopping for size 10's, I would have been disbelieving .
I am tired yawn, good night world
L xx
Whilst flicking through the rubbish that was on ( and that is a whole load of rubbish considering I have a choice of 90+ channels) I stumbled across a UK show called 'Fat Families.' It does what it says on the tin and centres around families who lead unhealthy lifestyles, stuffing down take aways and convenience food like there is no tomorrow. The extent of their exercise is usually walking to the front door to take delivery of the 5 take out meals they gorge on each week. The presenter is a reborn health freak and weight loss guru. Kudos to him as he had weight problems himself a few years ago before changing his life around through healthy eating and exercise. He is more than qualified to offer support and advice. If you can look past his flamoyant, over zealous , camp presenting style , he deserves much respect for 'melting that lard' (his tag line, not mine!)
So each episode he takes a fat family and attempts to help them change their unhealthy ways. Tonight was a family of four; a husband and wife, mother of that wife and grand mother of that wife (got that?)
They were all obese, ranging between 305 to 270 pounds each in weight.
I watched aforementioned presenter criticising their food choices, frequently breaking out into rallying cries and kitting out their house with a purpose built gym. He used shock tactics in the form of full Medicals for each member, something that always throws up scary result. The grandmother was told that there were signs of reduced liver function (fatty liver disease) and she proceeded to dissolve into tears.
As I watched I realised that I weighed around the same weight as the wife, who topped the scales at 300 pounds. She is shorter than me but anyone who weighs 300 has some weighty issues, regardless of height!
No disrespect to this woman but I thought to myself, 'did I really look that big ?' I must have done but I hardly looked at my reflection back then so I guess the proverb 'out of sight, out of mind.' could be applied. I ignored the reflection and in essence, ignored the problem. Even so, I tried to imagine myself back there again, tried to imagine what I would be like now if I had not done those thousands of miles of cardio (yup thousands, I worked it out the other night) and cleaned up my wayward eating habits. At the time I finally committed to losing the bulk, I was borderline for starting to develop some serious health problems. I really do shudder to think about what would have happened had I not changed things. Where would I be now (probably not too far from a cupboard stuffed with junk food.) and 7 stone heavier still.
Just like those people on the show, we have to realise that we do have the power to get it under control. Our bodies are our vessels through life, we have to care for them and ensure they are equipped to get us through this journey.
I am not sure why but my weightier past has been playing on my mind recently. Today, a friend and I went shopping. Mostly window shopping but we had a look around at various bits and pieces, wanting to expand our winter wardrobes. I found a pair of trousers (pants) I really liked and the shop assistant asked, 'what size are you?' Momentarily I froze! Not sure why, I wonder whether that larger girl was sitting only my shoulder, whispering her fears in my ear.
Turns out I fitted very nicely into a pair of size 10's (US size 8), a size I have been for a long while now. Weird eh? Perhaps not, I am never going to abandon the larger me completely. Had you told the larger me in 2005, that I would be shopping for size 10's, I would have been disbelieving .
I am tired yawn, good night world
L xx
Tuesday 8 November 2011
Body dysmorphia - how relevant is this to obesity?
Body dysmorphia disorder (BDD) is a term that has increasingly been banded around over the last decade or so.. Intense media pressure relating to image and appearance only compounds the negative body image some people have of themselves. As most of us probably already know, BDD manifests itself through a sufferer being unhealthily preoccupied with their own, perceived physical flaws or defects.
We all have bad days where we look in the mirror and don't like the reflection staring back at us. BDD suffers experience a heightened negativity and distorted awareness of their looks. It can be crippling in many respects, with some sufferers fearful of leaving their home. Many develop agoraphobia and anxiety because they hate the way they look that much.
I wonder how many of us fellow fat fighters (whether post or current) can loosely relate to this? I appreciate that true victims of BDD experience extreme self confidence issues that can result in self harming and clinical depression and I would never suggest that all overweight people have BDD but I believe there is a link. The amount of times I have heard over weight people describe social ineptness as being a side effect of the fat, not to mention self criticism and depression. I have experienced all this first hand, the number of times I locked myself away in my flat, avoiding social situations that only served in making me feel inadequate, unworthy and uncomfortable. There were so many times I would stare at my body for ages, identifying all the negative things about my appearance. This became so obsessive that I even wrote these things down. It was a morose list of faults; fat belly, double chin, large arms, fat back side, massive boobs (so much so, my cleavage was nicknamed 'the shelf' due to it's handiness with me being able to rest my dinner plate on it!)
I think I suffered from BDD for many years. I would refuse to look at my reflection, developing a veritable allergy to mirrors. If I had to apply my make up I would use the small mirror embedded within the sun visor of my car, that way I could only see my eyes. I would do anything for people not to look at me, averting gazes during conversation was common place. I felt a massive relief when someone else interjected so the attention was taken off me.
The lengths I would go to to disappear around other humans consumed my thoughts, the fear of rejection because of how I perceived I looked wore me down. Self hatred is destructive, our brains can distort things to such a degree that we end up seeing things that are not even there.
In my mind I told myself I was attractive, intelligent and I could look good and feel great about myself again. Often I got to a point where I would feel ok but the minute I caught my reflection in a mirror or a window, that confidence was shattered into a million pieces.
Intimate moments with my partner at the time were absurdly comical in terms of my irrational
thoughts. I did everything to cover my body up, lights were a no no and I thought about how I looked at every moment, mortified that he would even entertain the idea of getting jiggy with an ugly, fat blob. Poor chap, he was so patient and constantly reassured me but I felt like he was offering lip service. I now know that he did love me as I was and all I achieved was to push him away. Self sabotage in it's purest form. I would get extremely paranoid during the times we did socialise with others, I would convince myself that my man found other women more attractive than me and I felt totally and utterly inferior to any other female.
I cannot believe I spent so many years disliking myself. I am now a recovering BDD sufferer. I do get the odd day where I don't like my hair or feel unattractive but the self loathing has gone. The release from that disturbing pre occupation with my 'ugliness' and 'fatty blob' is indescribable.
We are ALL worthy or respect, attention and love. It should not matter how we look, no one should every persecute themselves for being who they are. The packaging is merely a facade, it really is what is on the inside that counts every inch of the way. If you are a self hater, please don't allow 'you' to be drowned and lost in a sea of destructive thoughts and negativity. I know that is easier for me to write and harder for BDD sufferers to action but I wasted so many years wrapped up in turmoil about my body and I cannot get those years back. The important lessons I have learned have come from being the smaller person I am now. Hindsight is a beautiful thing and has afforded me the insight to realise I was not THAT bad all along. I was me. I like me now and I was me back then.
Love yourself first, others will soon love you too :)
L xx
We all have bad days where we look in the mirror and don't like the reflection staring back at us. BDD suffers experience a heightened negativity and distorted awareness of their looks. It can be crippling in many respects, with some sufferers fearful of leaving their home. Many develop agoraphobia and anxiety because they hate the way they look that much.
I wonder how many of us fellow fat fighters (whether post or current) can loosely relate to this? I appreciate that true victims of BDD experience extreme self confidence issues that can result in self harming and clinical depression and I would never suggest that all overweight people have BDD but I believe there is a link. The amount of times I have heard over weight people describe social ineptness as being a side effect of the fat, not to mention self criticism and depression. I have experienced all this first hand, the number of times I locked myself away in my flat, avoiding social situations that only served in making me feel inadequate, unworthy and uncomfortable. There were so many times I would stare at my body for ages, identifying all the negative things about my appearance. This became so obsessive that I even wrote these things down. It was a morose list of faults; fat belly, double chin, large arms, fat back side, massive boobs (so much so, my cleavage was nicknamed 'the shelf' due to it's handiness with me being able to rest my dinner plate on it!)
I think I suffered from BDD for many years. I would refuse to look at my reflection, developing a veritable allergy to mirrors. If I had to apply my make up I would use the small mirror embedded within the sun visor of my car, that way I could only see my eyes. I would do anything for people not to look at me, averting gazes during conversation was common place. I felt a massive relief when someone else interjected so the attention was taken off me.
The lengths I would go to to disappear around other humans consumed my thoughts, the fear of rejection because of how I perceived I looked wore me down. Self hatred is destructive, our brains can distort things to such a degree that we end up seeing things that are not even there.
In my mind I told myself I was attractive, intelligent and I could look good and feel great about myself again. Often I got to a point where I would feel ok but the minute I caught my reflection in a mirror or a window, that confidence was shattered into a million pieces.
Intimate moments with my partner at the time were absurdly comical in terms of my irrational
thoughts. I did everything to cover my body up, lights were a no no and I thought about how I looked at every moment, mortified that he would even entertain the idea of getting jiggy with an ugly, fat blob. Poor chap, he was so patient and constantly reassured me but I felt like he was offering lip service. I now know that he did love me as I was and all I achieved was to push him away. Self sabotage in it's purest form. I would get extremely paranoid during the times we did socialise with others, I would convince myself that my man found other women more attractive than me and I felt totally and utterly inferior to any other female.
I cannot believe I spent so many years disliking myself. I am now a recovering BDD sufferer. I do get the odd day where I don't like my hair or feel unattractive but the self loathing has gone. The release from that disturbing pre occupation with my 'ugliness' and 'fatty blob' is indescribable.
We are ALL worthy or respect, attention and love. It should not matter how we look, no one should every persecute themselves for being who they are. The packaging is merely a facade, it really is what is on the inside that counts every inch of the way. If you are a self hater, please don't allow 'you' to be drowned and lost in a sea of destructive thoughts and negativity. I know that is easier for me to write and harder for BDD sufferers to action but I wasted so many years wrapped up in turmoil about my body and I cannot get those years back. The important lessons I have learned have come from being the smaller person I am now. Hindsight is a beautiful thing and has afforded me the insight to realise I was not THAT bad all along. I was me. I like me now and I was me back then.
Love yourself first, others will soon love you too :)
L xx
Sunday 6 November 2011
Weight circuit training plan
So try the following routine. Ease yourself in, only do what you can do. Adjust the reputations if you want. Some areas of your body are going to be stronger than others.
*Remember* Take it easy, especially if you are not used to exercising. You can adapt the repetitions to suit your fitness levels but this routine below should cover off most of your major muscle groups. Even if you are carrying extra fat over your muscles at the moment, toning up what is underneath will only pay dividends when you reach your goal. Plus weights are fantastic at raising your metabolic rate which, in turn, means a more efficient metabolism.For the warm up, use a stop watch if you can.
Use 1lb weights to start with, it may seem too light but remember 'gently does it' get your muscles groups used to this first. All movement should be controlled and fluid, not too fast.
When you do the circuit, everything needs to be done back to back, if at all possible. If you feel you need to take a break inbetween then do take it initially but it is important to keep the heart rate up.
Warm up
Start with a 5 minute, gentle jog on the spot. Not too manic, just gentle.
30 skips of the rope
Carry on running on the spot for another 5 mins
30 skips of the rope
You are now warmed up enough to start the circuit.
Dead lifts (targets back and legs)
Take one weight in each hand, facing forward. Stand up straight then bend down as far as you can go, ensuring your legs are straight at all times. Come back up and repeat 12x
Shoulder press (targets shoulders, upper back)
Stand up straight, weight in each hand and raise them up straight above each shoulder. Make sure the arm is fully extended before bringing back down to just above your shoulder. Repeat 10x
Weighted side bends (abductor muscles and core)
Stand straight. You only need one weight for this. Hold weight in your hand and lower your hand down your side, to the middle of your. Let your free hand rise up so you are bent over slightly to the weighted side. Roll the weight back up the thigh again to standing position. Repeat 15 times each side
Weighted star jumps (cardiovascular, arms, core, legs)
Take both weights in each hand and do 20 star jumps. These are great for the core, legs plus the cardio aspect keeps you warmed up
Bicep curls (biceps)
Try to do 15 per arm. You can do them together, alternating each arm or do one arm first then switch.
Ski jumps (cardio vascular, legs)
Put the weights down. This is another cardio exercise. Stand with feet together and jump to your right handside before jumping left again, then right. Do this as quick as you can, 30 reps
Front raises (pecs, biceps, triceps and shoulders)
Take the weights in each hand. Stand straight and hold the weights down in front of you so they are in line with your belly. Raise them up to chest level and back down again. Repeat 10x
Chair press ups (pecs, biceps, core)
Get a chair if you can. Basically crouch on your knees, crossing feet behind you so they are off the floor. Be about 2 ft from the chair. Place hands either side of the chair and bend down as low as you can go then raise up again. Repeat 10x
Crunches
Lie on your exercise mat and do 20 stomach crunches . When you are doing the crunch, never let your shoulders fully rest on the floor. This engages the core throughout the reps. Try 15 to start with
30 skips to finish the set
You need to repeat this full weight circuit 3 times if you can. That gives you about 600 reps of everything in total. Not bad going!! Only take 40 minutes tops.
xx
Making the most of exercise
I openly admit I have made a few mistakes when it has come to my training. Up until the age of 30, I had never really taken exercise seriously, even though I trained like a demon when I was 20, I had it all wrong and viewed gym training as a means to compound my veritable anorexic attitude towards food. It was all about burning as many calories as I could with the depleted energy levels I was running on. My tank was empty, the training was non productive and only served in exacerbating my weight loss at the time.
If you have not already gathered, I suffer from an obsessive personality. Mostly I view it as a hinderance, it is all or nothing with me and there is rarely a grey area.
Despite it being a pain most of the time, it has served me well with the massive weight loss I have experienced. When I set my mind to the challenge my dogged determination will always keep me going. I could be rest assured of that even when times got really tough with the weight loss and those niggling feelings of doubt set in, I was always going to do it.
Running, running, running
Another side effect of my obsessive nature was the running. When I entered maintenance, I was running regularly and did so for the 2 years following. I accomplished some goals, completing my first 10k race and also a half marathon (a truly remarkable achievement and something I will cover off in more detail later.) I think I ran too much, distance running can be addictive and is notorious for knocking fat off your body like nothing else. It is cardio intensive and is fantastic for the heart, I know that when I was at the peak of my distance running I was clocking up 50+ miles a week and my resting heart rate was 49 beats per minute (compare that to the 90+ bpm I had when I was at my largest.) It is fantastic for cardio vascular conditioning but not so great for upper body strength. So my 2 year running stint saw me drop down to 140 pounds which I maintained for a year or so during that phase.
A break
During 2009 I stopped running, partly due to boredom of it and partly due to exhaustion. You hear it often from other runners, it is not sustainable and there are down times. Running is a psychological roller coaster, no matter whether you are feeling physically up for doing it or not, any kind of mental block and it won't happen. During an 8 month period I gained back 10 pounds and felt like my body healed after the miles and miles of training I had done. I dread to think the total mileage I had accrued over that 24 month period! Much of the weight gain was rehydration, no matter how much fluid you take on whilst doing high intensity cardio, I think you are always going to be slightly dehydrated. Gaining weight back was no problem, it was different than before. I felt in control and let my hair down a bit, safe in the knowledge that I was armed with the tools to redress the balance should I feel that it was getting out of control.
When you lose weight, it is always good to have a 'ceiling' weight that you reach, should you gain any back. I always said that 150 pounds would be my acceptable ceiling, anything past that and I would tighten my belt again (so to speak!) and apply some healthier stratgey to ensure I gained no more. It would not have been a problem to go over 150 but, historically, I know that I am more susceptible to weight gain and so always have that in the back of my mind. It worked well and come August 2009, I decided to start training once again. I took a holiday to a beautiful part of the UK that offers some rather impressive fells and peaks. I spent the holiday climbing, scaling 1800ft ascents and this was a pleasurable if not gruelling re entry to exercise. When I got home I jumped on my bike and started riding. I felt like I wanted to mix things up a bit and back off on the running for a while longer. The old runner in me soon made herself known and by October I had started pound the streets. I found that I gained my running fitness back remarkably quickly and was soon clocking up 10k runs. I was mindful, from experience, that 10k was more than adequate in terms of distance and so stuck to that, mixing in 2 bike rides a week to vary the training.
Once you have a base level of fitness, there is a wonderful little thing called muscle memory. It has been researched before and proven that muscles do remember training, even if you have been inactive for a long period of time. This means that, should you train and then give up, picking up exercise should be easier to do. Your body responds quickly.
Weight circuits - fat burning, strength gaining heaven
A friend of mine has trained his whole life and is in fantastic shape. He had always said to me that I should do weights. Now weight training has always bored me, I never really got into it and the few half hearted attempts I had made at it had always seen me jack it in after a few weeks. My friend introduced me to weight circuits, these essentially mix weights with cardio exercise.
I heard him out and had already seen the benefits he had gained from doing them, namely a fantastic physique and great balance with the cardio fitness. So he outlined a few circuits I could try and I devised my own plan. I liked the fact that I could incorporate my cardio into the circuits as that was my strong point and something I wanted to sustain.
Circuits really are fantastic. A year on and I am still doing them 3 -4 times a week. The beauty of circuits is that you can do them ANYWHERE. All you need is some free weights/ dumb bells, an exercise mat, a skipping rope and some space. I have developed my own training plan with them that means that I have slowly built up to a dumb bell weight where I am putting some resistance on my muscles, enough to give me some toning. Due to the fact that women do not have a lot of testeosterone coursing through the veins, we will never bulk up so do not worry about looking like a female Russian body builder. It is not possible, not unless you start taking steroids.
RESULTS
My upper body has changed beyond all recognition, it has taken a year of training but I love my shape now. My shoulders are broader, my posture is better, I have shape to my arms and my torso is more defined. No bulging bicpes but a much sleeker, stronger me :) I can even do 5 proper press ups! A first!
My next post will outline a circuit you can do at home and is not dissimilar to what I do now, give it a try.
Rainy xxx
If you have not already gathered, I suffer from an obsessive personality. Mostly I view it as a hinderance, it is all or nothing with me and there is rarely a grey area.
Despite it being a pain most of the time, it has served me well with the massive weight loss I have experienced. When I set my mind to the challenge my dogged determination will always keep me going. I could be rest assured of that even when times got really tough with the weight loss and those niggling feelings of doubt set in, I was always going to do it.
Running, running, running
Another side effect of my obsessive nature was the running. When I entered maintenance, I was running regularly and did so for the 2 years following. I accomplished some goals, completing my first 10k race and also a half marathon (a truly remarkable achievement and something I will cover off in more detail later.) I think I ran too much, distance running can be addictive and is notorious for knocking fat off your body like nothing else. It is cardio intensive and is fantastic for the heart, I know that when I was at the peak of my distance running I was clocking up 50+ miles a week and my resting heart rate was 49 beats per minute (compare that to the 90+ bpm I had when I was at my largest.) It is fantastic for cardio vascular conditioning but not so great for upper body strength. So my 2 year running stint saw me drop down to 140 pounds which I maintained for a year or so during that phase.
A break
During 2009 I stopped running, partly due to boredom of it and partly due to exhaustion. You hear it often from other runners, it is not sustainable and there are down times. Running is a psychological roller coaster, no matter whether you are feeling physically up for doing it or not, any kind of mental block and it won't happen. During an 8 month period I gained back 10 pounds and felt like my body healed after the miles and miles of training I had done. I dread to think the total mileage I had accrued over that 24 month period! Much of the weight gain was rehydration, no matter how much fluid you take on whilst doing high intensity cardio, I think you are always going to be slightly dehydrated. Gaining weight back was no problem, it was different than before. I felt in control and let my hair down a bit, safe in the knowledge that I was armed with the tools to redress the balance should I feel that it was getting out of control.
When you lose weight, it is always good to have a 'ceiling' weight that you reach, should you gain any back. I always said that 150 pounds would be my acceptable ceiling, anything past that and I would tighten my belt again (so to speak!) and apply some healthier stratgey to ensure I gained no more. It would not have been a problem to go over 150 but, historically, I know that I am more susceptible to weight gain and so always have that in the back of my mind. It worked well and come August 2009, I decided to start training once again. I took a holiday to a beautiful part of the UK that offers some rather impressive fells and peaks. I spent the holiday climbing, scaling 1800ft ascents and this was a pleasurable if not gruelling re entry to exercise. When I got home I jumped on my bike and started riding. I felt like I wanted to mix things up a bit and back off on the running for a while longer. The old runner in me soon made herself known and by October I had started pound the streets. I found that I gained my running fitness back remarkably quickly and was soon clocking up 10k runs. I was mindful, from experience, that 10k was more than adequate in terms of distance and so stuck to that, mixing in 2 bike rides a week to vary the training.
Once you have a base level of fitness, there is a wonderful little thing called muscle memory. It has been researched before and proven that muscles do remember training, even if you have been inactive for a long period of time. This means that, should you train and then give up, picking up exercise should be easier to do. Your body responds quickly.
Weight circuits - fat burning, strength gaining heaven
A friend of mine has trained his whole life and is in fantastic shape. He had always said to me that I should do weights. Now weight training has always bored me, I never really got into it and the few half hearted attempts I had made at it had always seen me jack it in after a few weeks. My friend introduced me to weight circuits, these essentially mix weights with cardio exercise.
I heard him out and had already seen the benefits he had gained from doing them, namely a fantastic physique and great balance with the cardio fitness. So he outlined a few circuits I could try and I devised my own plan. I liked the fact that I could incorporate my cardio into the circuits as that was my strong point and something I wanted to sustain.
Circuits really are fantastic. A year on and I am still doing them 3 -4 times a week. The beauty of circuits is that you can do them ANYWHERE. All you need is some free weights/ dumb bells, an exercise mat, a skipping rope and some space. I have developed my own training plan with them that means that I have slowly built up to a dumb bell weight where I am putting some resistance on my muscles, enough to give me some toning. Due to the fact that women do not have a lot of testeosterone coursing through the veins, we will never bulk up so do not worry about looking like a female Russian body builder. It is not possible, not unless you start taking steroids.
RESULTS
My upper body has changed beyond all recognition, it has taken a year of training but I love my shape now. My shoulders are broader, my posture is better, I have shape to my arms and my torso is more defined. No bulging bicpes but a much sleeker, stronger me :) I can even do 5 proper press ups! A first!
My next post will outline a circuit you can do at home and is not dissimilar to what I do now, give it a try.
Rainy xxx
Maintenance - the tricky side of transition
The dictionary definition of the word maintenance is 'administered to maintain a desired condition'.
When we set ourselves weight loss goals, no matter how much or how little we have to lose, we have to become fiercely focused on those goals. Losing weight is about lifestyle change, not simply addressing one aspect such as diet and hoping that will work. You have to change your whole thinking about food,, exercise and the commitment to make the changes that will carry you through life a healthier person. It is something palpable to concentrate on and we strive to achieve that ultimate aim, watching those numbers tumble on the scale. Each pound that goes is a mini victory, how often have you felt that delicious sensation of gratification and achievement when you have had a good week and your mass diminishes further?
Maintaining
So what happens when you get there, that thing we refer to as goal. After all that hard work; calorie counting, exercise regimes, tears, self deprication at being fat in the first place. It stops. It's as if you have been in a speeding car for hundreds of miles and you apply the brakes, grinding to a halt. The target has been reached. For some, this can be daunting as you have to review how your are managing the process. There are no more visual targets, of course it is wise to keep an eye on your weight as you start maintenance ( and there on in) but those little kicks and wins you had are no more. Of course you have conceded a trouncing from the silent enemy that is obesity, you have reached a healthy weight and are no longer suffering the mental and physical tortures being fat presents. That is massive reward in itself.
It becomes about weight preservation rather than weight loss per se.
And so the journey begins
Entering maintenance was pretty scary in some respects, my focus had to shift from loss to sustain. What if I failed after all that hard work? To be realistic, I would have had to have eaten consistently for months to even get close to where I started out from but I knew that it had happened before, therefore it could happen again.
On the face of it, maintenance sounds easier than actually losing the weight in the first place.
The first 12 months of maintenance were ok in terms of maintaining my weight, I even lost a bit more and got down to 147 pounds. The running was paying dividends and assisted the weight maintenance so I was not too concerned about gaining. The energy your body uses to run is plentiful! But what with all the emotional and mental baggage I was carrying from being morbidly obese, adjusting to the new body was harder psychologically than I thought it would be.
It annoyed me that people treated me differently, just because I looked more 'acceptable' in the eyes of society. In truth I was being treated differently because I was behaving differently. I was confident, chatty, excited about life again and those who came into contact me were picking up on that. I still expected cruel comments and judgemental looks but they did not happen, it was almost as if I could not switch that part of my brain off. It was still playing catch up with the changes and was constantly on alert. My abuse radar was always primed.
The attention I was getting from the opposite sex perplexed me initially, I had gone from being invisible at best to men taking notice. I did not and still do not find it comfortable when a man makes it known that he finds me attractive. It should be a compliment but the stubborn part of me feels slightly perturbed that they are looking at me for one reason and one reason only. I guess I was still hanging on to the memories of before where I was ridiculed or insulted. Those scars run deep, deeper that I could have imagined.
I think I sound a bit cynical, even negative but the benefits of my hard work were far more plentiful. I would never want to distract from those.
When we set ourselves weight loss goals, no matter how much or how little we have to lose, we have to become fiercely focused on those goals. Losing weight is about lifestyle change, not simply addressing one aspect such as diet and hoping that will work. You have to change your whole thinking about food,, exercise and the commitment to make the changes that will carry you through life a healthier person. It is something palpable to concentrate on and we strive to achieve that ultimate aim, watching those numbers tumble on the scale. Each pound that goes is a mini victory, how often have you felt that delicious sensation of gratification and achievement when you have had a good week and your mass diminishes further?
Maintaining
So what happens when you get there, that thing we refer to as goal. After all that hard work; calorie counting, exercise regimes, tears, self deprication at being fat in the first place. It stops. It's as if you have been in a speeding car for hundreds of miles and you apply the brakes, grinding to a halt. The target has been reached. For some, this can be daunting as you have to review how your are managing the process. There are no more visual targets, of course it is wise to keep an eye on your weight as you start maintenance ( and there on in) but those little kicks and wins you had are no more. Of course you have conceded a trouncing from the silent enemy that is obesity, you have reached a healthy weight and are no longer suffering the mental and physical tortures being fat presents. That is massive reward in itself.
It becomes about weight preservation rather than weight loss per se.
And so the journey begins
Entering maintenance was pretty scary in some respects, my focus had to shift from loss to sustain. What if I failed after all that hard work? To be realistic, I would have had to have eaten consistently for months to even get close to where I started out from but I knew that it had happened before, therefore it could happen again.
On the face of it, maintenance sounds easier than actually losing the weight in the first place.
The first 12 months of maintenance were ok in terms of maintaining my weight, I even lost a bit more and got down to 147 pounds. The running was paying dividends and assisted the weight maintenance so I was not too concerned about gaining. The energy your body uses to run is plentiful! But what with all the emotional and mental baggage I was carrying from being morbidly obese, adjusting to the new body was harder psychologically than I thought it would be.
It annoyed me that people treated me differently, just because I looked more 'acceptable' in the eyes of society. In truth I was being treated differently because I was behaving differently. I was confident, chatty, excited about life again and those who came into contact me were picking up on that. I still expected cruel comments and judgemental looks but they did not happen, it was almost as if I could not switch that part of my brain off. It was still playing catch up with the changes and was constantly on alert. My abuse radar was always primed.
The attention I was getting from the opposite sex perplexed me initially, I had gone from being invisible at best to men taking notice. I did not and still do not find it comfortable when a man makes it known that he finds me attractive. It should be a compliment but the stubborn part of me feels slightly perturbed that they are looking at me for one reason and one reason only. I guess I was still hanging on to the memories of before where I was ridiculed or insulted. Those scars run deep, deeper that I could have imagined.
I think I sound a bit cynical, even negative but the benefits of my hard work were far more plentiful. I would never want to distract from those.
Sunday 30 October 2011
GOOOOOOAAAAAAL!
After already having lost 110 pounds, July 2006 saw me break the 190 barrier. As I was getting smaller, inevitably, the weight loss slowed down. I had been losing 3 -4 pounds per week but I noticed that I would be lucky if I lost 2 a week once I reached that threshold. I had fully prepared myself for this and understood it was likely to happen. I did not want it disheartening me so I carried on exercising as I had before, focusing on my strength and fitness as much as I could.
The dreaded scales
During the midst of my weight loss, I must admit I was weighing myself once every 3 days or so. Some might frown on this and I would too. I definitely do not advocate daily weigh ins as the number on the scaledoes not represent the full story. For women, your menstrual cycle can affect that figure because of water retention, hormonal fluctuations mean that you may be retaining more water one week whereby it could be gone the next. This can make the difference between 2 - 4 pounds. Nevertheless, I have a head for statistics and so kept detailed logs of weight loss throughout the 18 months as I knew I could look back and see exactly what I had achieved.
Ditch the scales, get that tape measure out!
Taking your body measurements is a far more representative gauge of what is happening. Inches tell the true story. This was something I did once a month, again keeping a detailed log of my shrinking vital statistics. In my previous post, I outlined my starting stats and finishing stats; minus 82 inches is A LOT of surface area! Get those tape measures out, try to move away from more than once weekly weigh ins. If you do weigh yourself daily, try to stop that if you can. Once a week should be more than ample and the less time you spend distracted by the scale, the more time you can put into exercising and really improving your health.
The scales can become obsessional, they should only ever be used as a guide. We all know that you can step on 2 different sets of scales and get wildly different readings. They do have their place as you lose weight, you just have to be mindful of the fact that they can become your worst enemy if you allow them to be.
I don't weigh myself at all now. I have an idea of what I weigh as I have learnt so much about my body and can listen to it successfully whereas I totally ignored it before. I can feel subtle changes in weight, fitness and impending illness. More importantly, I really do know when I am hungry now and I eat when I am. This might be midnight sometimes but it is a sensation I have become familiar with. Before, I was so out of touch with everything organic about me.
I work solely on how my clothes feel now. I will sometimes take my measurements but that only happens once a month or so. Having been in maintenance for so long, my attachment to the weighing scale is another unhealthy tie I have severed.
Almost there
As we moved into Autumn 2006 I had broken the 180 pound barrier. My weight plateaued for a few weeks during September of that year but an increase in my cardiovascular routine kick started a renewed loss. Plateaus are common, I view them as a chance for the body to take time to re adjust. You cannot consistently lose weight, especially starting where I did. From experience, breaking through a plateau requires a shake up of the exercise routine.
When you train seriously at sport/fitness, the hardest, most gruelling , tear inducing sessions will be the ones where you gain the most fitness. Taking your body out of it's comfort zone works wonders.
When I reached a plateau during my loss, especially when I was near 180 pounds, I pushed myself a little harder at the gym or went on a longer bike ride or a longer, hillier walk.
No more tears
With my smaller body came so many new and exciting bonuses; clothes shopping had become a joy rather than a chore, instead of feeling desperately depressed and getting down about it, I walked away excited about my size 14 skirt and top. Sitting next to people no longer worried me, my overspilling thighs were a shadow of their former selves and my upper body was much reduced. I could walk down the street and no one would pass comment, I swear I continued to listen out for it, even though I knew that it was not likely to happen. My social life was far improved, instead of being a virtual recluse I would actively suggest evenings out with friends, whether it be pubs or clubs. All in all the benefits far outweighed any draw backs, which were few.
Keep on runnin'
So Christmas came and went and we entered 2007. My weight stuck at around 175 for a little while but this was when I discovered something that would become a massive feature in my life and has been ever since
I walked a 2 mile route around where I lived at the time, this route was used more for speed walking sessions initially. This one afternoon, I returned from work and decided to head out as I had been sitting on my bum all day and needed to move. I set off, keeping up my usual pace for a few hundred yards but then something inside my head said, 'try a slow jog.' I listened to that voice and broke into a slow jog, managing to complete the 2 miles remarkably comfortably. I got back to the house and felt very pleased, I could run! Albeit slowly.
That would certainly not have been anything I could have contemplated doing before, the excess weight coupled with poor cardio conditioning would not have allowed it. But there I was, just under 180 pounds and I had just run the furthest I had ever run in my life! I felt elated! I think the consistent walk and gym work I had done for 16 months had really assisted in bringing my cardio fitness up to a level where I could handle running.
My older brother is an athlete and he has always been my inspiration, I have witnessed him do some hellish events and been in awe; marathons, triathlons, duathlons.
So this new love of running kicked in. I started to train most days, only short distances at first but I absolutely loved it. It was heavy going on my lungs initially but they started to respond as I found my comfort zone. Any weight plateau I was experiencing was smashed out of the water, by April 2007 I had reached goal. it was a momentus feeling, I had done it. I recall the morning I stepped on the scale and the red marker was bang on 160 pounds. It really was quite an emotional day, I had spent the best part of 2 years working my arse off (literally and figuratively); tears, tantrums, hundreds of miles of cardio, mostly careful food choices and there I stood, 141 pounds down, fitter than I had ever been and on goal.
So that was the easier part of the process complete. I would then face entering maintenance, the final part of it that would see me implementing for the rest of my life. Maintenance has not been easy at times and 160 pounds was not my finishing weight by any means, but more about that later.
Next time I will explain how the first part of maintenance panned out and the challenges that presented. I will also outline some exercise related physical challenges I took on that pushed by renewed body to the limit.
Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, wherever you might be in the world!
Rainy xx
The dreaded scales
During the midst of my weight loss, I must admit I was weighing myself once every 3 days or so. Some might frown on this and I would too. I definitely do not advocate daily weigh ins as the number on the scaledoes not represent the full story. For women, your menstrual cycle can affect that figure because of water retention, hormonal fluctuations mean that you may be retaining more water one week whereby it could be gone the next. This can make the difference between 2 - 4 pounds. Nevertheless, I have a head for statistics and so kept detailed logs of weight loss throughout the 18 months as I knew I could look back and see exactly what I had achieved.
Ditch the scales, get that tape measure out!
Taking your body measurements is a far more representative gauge of what is happening. Inches tell the true story. This was something I did once a month, again keeping a detailed log of my shrinking vital statistics. In my previous post, I outlined my starting stats and finishing stats; minus 82 inches is A LOT of surface area! Get those tape measures out, try to move away from more than once weekly weigh ins. If you do weigh yourself daily, try to stop that if you can. Once a week should be more than ample and the less time you spend distracted by the scale, the more time you can put into exercising and really improving your health.
The scales can become obsessional, they should only ever be used as a guide. We all know that you can step on 2 different sets of scales and get wildly different readings. They do have their place as you lose weight, you just have to be mindful of the fact that they can become your worst enemy if you allow them to be.
I don't weigh myself at all now. I have an idea of what I weigh as I have learnt so much about my body and can listen to it successfully whereas I totally ignored it before. I can feel subtle changes in weight, fitness and impending illness. More importantly, I really do know when I am hungry now and I eat when I am. This might be midnight sometimes but it is a sensation I have become familiar with. Before, I was so out of touch with everything organic about me.
I work solely on how my clothes feel now. I will sometimes take my measurements but that only happens once a month or so. Having been in maintenance for so long, my attachment to the weighing scale is another unhealthy tie I have severed.
Almost there
As we moved into Autumn 2006 I had broken the 180 pound barrier. My weight plateaued for a few weeks during September of that year but an increase in my cardiovascular routine kick started a renewed loss. Plateaus are common, I view them as a chance for the body to take time to re adjust. You cannot consistently lose weight, especially starting where I did. From experience, breaking through a plateau requires a shake up of the exercise routine.
When you train seriously at sport/fitness, the hardest, most gruelling , tear inducing sessions will be the ones where you gain the most fitness. Taking your body out of it's comfort zone works wonders.
When I reached a plateau during my loss, especially when I was near 180 pounds, I pushed myself a little harder at the gym or went on a longer bike ride or a longer, hillier walk.
No more tears
With my smaller body came so many new and exciting bonuses; clothes shopping had become a joy rather than a chore, instead of feeling desperately depressed and getting down about it, I walked away excited about my size 14 skirt and top. Sitting next to people no longer worried me, my overspilling thighs were a shadow of their former selves and my upper body was much reduced. I could walk down the street and no one would pass comment, I swear I continued to listen out for it, even though I knew that it was not likely to happen. My social life was far improved, instead of being a virtual recluse I would actively suggest evenings out with friends, whether it be pubs or clubs. All in all the benefits far outweighed any draw backs, which were few.
Keep on runnin'
So Christmas came and went and we entered 2007. My weight stuck at around 175 for a little while but this was when I discovered something that would become a massive feature in my life and has been ever since
I walked a 2 mile route around where I lived at the time, this route was used more for speed walking sessions initially. This one afternoon, I returned from work and decided to head out as I had been sitting on my bum all day and needed to move. I set off, keeping up my usual pace for a few hundred yards but then something inside my head said, 'try a slow jog.' I listened to that voice and broke into a slow jog, managing to complete the 2 miles remarkably comfortably. I got back to the house and felt very pleased, I could run! Albeit slowly.
That would certainly not have been anything I could have contemplated doing before, the excess weight coupled with poor cardio conditioning would not have allowed it. But there I was, just under 180 pounds and I had just run the furthest I had ever run in my life! I felt elated! I think the consistent walk and gym work I had done for 16 months had really assisted in bringing my cardio fitness up to a level where I could handle running.
My older brother is an athlete and he has always been my inspiration, I have witnessed him do some hellish events and been in awe; marathons, triathlons, duathlons.
So this new love of running kicked in. I started to train most days, only short distances at first but I absolutely loved it. It was heavy going on my lungs initially but they started to respond as I found my comfort zone. Any weight plateau I was experiencing was smashed out of the water, by April 2007 I had reached goal. it was a momentus feeling, I had done it. I recall the morning I stepped on the scale and the red marker was bang on 160 pounds. It really was quite an emotional day, I had spent the best part of 2 years working my arse off (literally and figuratively); tears, tantrums, hundreds of miles of cardio, mostly careful food choices and there I stood, 141 pounds down, fitter than I had ever been and on goal.
So that was the easier part of the process complete. I would then face entering maintenance, the final part of it that would see me implementing for the rest of my life. Maintenance has not been easy at times and 160 pounds was not my finishing weight by any means, but more about that later.
Next time I will explain how the first part of maintenance panned out and the challenges that presented. I will also outline some exercise related physical challenges I took on that pushed by renewed body to the limit.
Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, wherever you might be in the world!
Rainy xx
The mid way point of an epic challenge
I cannot claim that I was not enticed by unhealthy patterns of thought and behaviours as I continued to drop the weight. Old ghosts from weight loss past were out to haunt me but I was not going to give in, I began to exorcise them one by one. Whenever these crept up on me, I was acutely aware and battled to overcome them. I think the most acute habit that tried to infiltrate my otherwise balanced approach was the urge to restrict my food intake. I noted also that, if I had a bad day at work or just a bad day generally, this urge kicked in even
moreso. I think before, that same urge manifested itself in binges as I outlined in earlier posts and I used these as a coping mechanism. Now it had turned itself on it's head and gone to the other extreme. Luckily, whenever I felt like I may not meet my calorie intake for the day, I would consciously eat a small meal so I was bridging that deficit. This did not happen all the time but, when it did, I was finally in control of it. They say you have to make mistakes to learn, never was a truer word spoken.
As you are all probably aware, losing weight can be a rush. The more you lose, the more of a kick you get out of it. It can be an addiction all of its own. One of the crucial parts of the process is control. You have to own it and control it rather than it doing that to you. Self awareness is vital, identifying your unhealthy thought processes and dealing with them is key.
Another mistake people make is feeling like they have failed if there is a day where they are not so good. This is not a fail, this is part of the wider process and a crucial part at that. I still had days, early on especially when I binged. Not to the gargantuan degree I would before but still a binge. I admit I felt guilty and bad when it happened but the difference this time was I got back on the horse and carried on the next day, perhaps being extra specially careful to make up for it. I was also conscious that my exercise would be off setting days like that to some degree.
Letting go of the bingeing was tough, it had been my crutch for so long but I was able to sever those ties, one by one.
Short term goals
Another fantastic plan I adopted was setting myself mini goals. When your starting weight is 301 pounds, there is little point in saying 'I want to be 150 pounds in 2 years time.' It does nothing for the morale in terms of believing that it can be achieved. Instead I set 28 pound goal increments. Specific dates were not so important as I did not want to assert any undue pressure on myself but I would say, just for example 'so I want to reach 190 pounds by mid June 2006.' These short term goals were achievable in my head and far more manageable than having one, overall long term goal. Of course I had that too (the overall goal had always been 160 pounds initially, this seemed reasonable and achievable.) I chose not to place too much emphasis on it. That is one massive gauntlet to throw down! To be honest, I don't think I could go through that kind of weight loss again. It did drain me mentally, physically and
emotionally. That was most certainly a once in a lifetime achievement and massive incentive for me to never allow that kind of weight to return ever again.
Getting there
As I breached the 200 pound mark during June 2006, there was massive cause for celebration and I felt so proud of myself. My partner at the time took me out for a meal and I treated myself to some chips and a steak. The exercise was going really well at that point, I started playing badminton once a week, just to keep things interesting and I savoured the feeling of not being so self conscious as I darted around the court. I was still carrying and extra 50 pounds or so but, having already dropped over 100, it was small change in comparison.
The exercise obsession of old had been replaced by a structured plan that saw me do around an hour a day, 6 days a week. As with any exercise plan, having a day off is important so your muscles can heal and I structured this in, forcing myself to take that day off.
Body metamorphosis
After my collar bone revelation and when I started moving toward 190 pounds during July of 2006, I noticed my legs and backside was getting smaller. The junk in my trunk was being streamlined! That summer was memorable, mainly due to the fact that I was no longer the sweaty mess I had been for 5 years. I still sweated but no where near as much. Chafing was still happening a little bit on really hot days but it was no where near as severe as before. It really was a voyage of discovery for me, euphoric at times as I realised that everything was falling in to place, it felt right this time. A far more relaxed, natural process. I was brimming with confidence and knew anything was possible.
Tough days still plagued me but I was well equipped to deal with them, having done things sensibly. They became fewer and farther between and the body was definitely settling into the new lifestyle. Along with my Friday take away treat, I allowed myself the odd can of coke or chocolate bar. I am a bit of a candy fiend and so it was really nice to indulge this passion once in a while without feeling the need to buy a whole multi pack and wolf it down in one sitting.
Terminal damage
My long term partner continued to support me, although our relationship had been put under a lot of strain. I had to be fixated by getting the weight off, focus and hard work were the only option which is why I achieved what I did. There was fallout, I openly admit that my relationship was one thing that suffered. That's not to say there were obvious cracks in the veneer anyway, I guess my weight loss goals exacerbated those cracks.
But, despite the fact I rarely talk to my ex partner now, I am eternally grateful to him for the unwavering support he gave me. When we first started dating back in 1999 I was a smaller 140 pounds and, from the moment we met, we found a common love of food. I think it was how we bonded initially. I remember we used to have cheese fondues once a week (the epitomy of cholesterol heaven) and meals out at various country pubs.
I think we all know that, once the honeymoon period of a new relationship is over, it seems very common that one or both people in the relationship will gain weight. We get comfortable, we are no longer on the market and trying to attract a mate so feel less pressure to look a certain way (although this is my own reasoning as to why this happens.) He saw me go from a spritely, energetic girl to a morbidly obese, sad one. Not once did he berate me for my size, he said he would love me, even if I got so big the fire brigade had to knock the walls of the flat down to get me out. (This was always said with a wry smile ;) )
Too many times I have heard of women whose partners/ husbands pass judgement and comments about their weight. These men are ignorant and insensitive. Enough said about that.
Next time I will continue to describe the final stage of my main weight loss, sub 190 pounds.
It is 04:00 and I am awake, I must get some sleep. Brain disengage!
Rainy xxx
moreso. I think before, that same urge manifested itself in binges as I outlined in earlier posts and I used these as a coping mechanism. Now it had turned itself on it's head and gone to the other extreme. Luckily, whenever I felt like I may not meet my calorie intake for the day, I would consciously eat a small meal so I was bridging that deficit. This did not happen all the time but, when it did, I was finally in control of it. They say you have to make mistakes to learn, never was a truer word spoken.
As you are all probably aware, losing weight can be a rush. The more you lose, the more of a kick you get out of it. It can be an addiction all of its own. One of the crucial parts of the process is control. You have to own it and control it rather than it doing that to you. Self awareness is vital, identifying your unhealthy thought processes and dealing with them is key.
Another mistake people make is feeling like they have failed if there is a day where they are not so good. This is not a fail, this is part of the wider process and a crucial part at that. I still had days, early on especially when I binged. Not to the gargantuan degree I would before but still a binge. I admit I felt guilty and bad when it happened but the difference this time was I got back on the horse and carried on the next day, perhaps being extra specially careful to make up for it. I was also conscious that my exercise would be off setting days like that to some degree.
Letting go of the bingeing was tough, it had been my crutch for so long but I was able to sever those ties, one by one.
Short term goals
Another fantastic plan I adopted was setting myself mini goals. When your starting weight is 301 pounds, there is little point in saying 'I want to be 150 pounds in 2 years time.' It does nothing for the morale in terms of believing that it can be achieved. Instead I set 28 pound goal increments. Specific dates were not so important as I did not want to assert any undue pressure on myself but I would say, just for example 'so I want to reach 190 pounds by mid June 2006.' These short term goals were achievable in my head and far more manageable than having one, overall long term goal. Of course I had that too (the overall goal had always been 160 pounds initially, this seemed reasonable and achievable.) I chose not to place too much emphasis on it. That is one massive gauntlet to throw down! To be honest, I don't think I could go through that kind of weight loss again. It did drain me mentally, physically and
emotionally. That was most certainly a once in a lifetime achievement and massive incentive for me to never allow that kind of weight to return ever again.
Getting there
As I breached the 200 pound mark during June 2006, there was massive cause for celebration and I felt so proud of myself. My partner at the time took me out for a meal and I treated myself to some chips and a steak. The exercise was going really well at that point, I started playing badminton once a week, just to keep things interesting and I savoured the feeling of not being so self conscious as I darted around the court. I was still carrying and extra 50 pounds or so but, having already dropped over 100, it was small change in comparison.
The exercise obsession of old had been replaced by a structured plan that saw me do around an hour a day, 6 days a week. As with any exercise plan, having a day off is important so your muscles can heal and I structured this in, forcing myself to take that day off.
Body metamorphosis
After my collar bone revelation and when I started moving toward 190 pounds during July of 2006, I noticed my legs and backside was getting smaller. The junk in my trunk was being streamlined! That summer was memorable, mainly due to the fact that I was no longer the sweaty mess I had been for 5 years. I still sweated but no where near as much. Chafing was still happening a little bit on really hot days but it was no where near as severe as before. It really was a voyage of discovery for me, euphoric at times as I realised that everything was falling in to place, it felt right this time. A far more relaxed, natural process. I was brimming with confidence and knew anything was possible.
Tough days still plagued me but I was well equipped to deal with them, having done things sensibly. They became fewer and farther between and the body was definitely settling into the new lifestyle. Along with my Friday take away treat, I allowed myself the odd can of coke or chocolate bar. I am a bit of a candy fiend and so it was really nice to indulge this passion once in a while without feeling the need to buy a whole multi pack and wolf it down in one sitting.
Terminal damage
My long term partner continued to support me, although our relationship had been put under a lot of strain. I had to be fixated by getting the weight off, focus and hard work were the only option which is why I achieved what I did. There was fallout, I openly admit that my relationship was one thing that suffered. That's not to say there were obvious cracks in the veneer anyway, I guess my weight loss goals exacerbated those cracks.
But, despite the fact I rarely talk to my ex partner now, I am eternally grateful to him for the unwavering support he gave me. When we first started dating back in 1999 I was a smaller 140 pounds and, from the moment we met, we found a common love of food. I think it was how we bonded initially. I remember we used to have cheese fondues once a week (the epitomy of cholesterol heaven) and meals out at various country pubs.
I think we all know that, once the honeymoon period of a new relationship is over, it seems very common that one or both people in the relationship will gain weight. We get comfortable, we are no longer on the market and trying to attract a mate so feel less pressure to look a certain way (although this is my own reasoning as to why this happens.) He saw me go from a spritely, energetic girl to a morbidly obese, sad one. Not once did he berate me for my size, he said he would love me, even if I got so big the fire brigade had to knock the walls of the flat down to get me out. (This was always said with a wry smile ;) )
Too many times I have heard of women whose partners/ husbands pass judgement and comments about their weight. These men are ignorant and insensitive. Enough said about that.
Next time I will continue to describe the final stage of my main weight loss, sub 190 pounds.
It is 04:00 and I am awake, I must get some sleep. Brain disengage!
Rainy xxx
Thursday 27 October 2011
Doing things differently; the penny finally dropped
Isn't it amazing the lengths people will go to lose weight. Faddy diets, obsessive exercise, starvation, purging, pills, supplements... even amphetamines!!
What is even crazier is that most of us know what we need to do to lose weight the healthy, natural way but it seems that half the time our rational, logical heads crash out of the window just when we need them most. If we are fully realistic then we should realise that healthy weight loss takes time and a bucket load of patience. The calculations are pretty simple on the whole and can be applied to most (but not all;) input vs output.
As an interjection to this post, I wanted to share with you my before and after vital stats. This gives you an idea of how much my body shape changed.
July 2005
Bust 44"
Waist 38"
Hips 56"
January 2011
Bust 35"
Waist 24 "
Hips 36"
We really do live in a 'I want it yesterday' culture and I think that can be partly attributed to the impatience we have with losing weight the au naturel way. I don't want you thinking I am getting on my high horse, I myself have not dieted sensibly historically, at least prior to my big weight loss. I have broken every rule in the book; purging (bulimia), starving myself, obsessively exercising. I have been to Weight Watchers, tried Slim Fast and none of these things have worked. Sure, I would drop some weight in the first few months but that kind of unbalanced diet will bite you in the butt eventually. I was your classic yo yo dieter; lose 10 pounds gain 20 back.
The penny dropped in 2005 and reality hit home, FINALLY. I had reached such an excessive weight that I could not afford to sabotage any weight loss success by not doing things in a measured and controlled way. Thanks goodness personal experience had taught me that 'extreme' dieting does not work. I knew it was make or break, the weight gain was in free fall and I felt like I had to reign it in otherwise I would be in serious trouble.
THE change
Healthy eating was a whole new world to me. At 301 pounds, I decided to plan how I was going to tackle the loss in a sustainable way. No more fannying around! My body had become a burden, this biological vessel was sinking and I wanted to abandon ship.
So I did some reading and armed myself with information. My knowledge of calorie intake and nutrition has always been pretty sound (ironically enough) although you would have not known it prior to 2006.
I structured an eating plan that would see me reduce my daily intake to 1500 calories initially. Considering I had been topping 3,000 some days, this was a dramatic reduction. I was mindful that I had to make sure the calories I did have were useful ones that would keep me full so I was less likely to crave the sweet, fatty, calorific foods I had been so accustomed to. I was careful to include porridge for breakfast, brown carbs for dinner (brown rice or pasta) with protein such as fish or chicken. Lunch would be a salad of some description ( always with a little bit of protein in there) and nuts.
I would snack on fruit and nuts If I felt at all peckish. For the first 6 months I was very strict, in my mind it is better to have no temptation at all and go cold turkey, at least for a while. For the first few months I was dropping impressive amounts of weight, around 22 pounds or so in one month alone. I think some of this was the release of fluid retention which is common. Along with the healthier eating, I had started to exercise from the first day I committed really. It started with 2 mile bike rides (at a very slow pace), gym sessions that consisted of walking on the treadmill, rowing and cycling and also walks around my local area, 3 times a week. This carried on for a few months as I did suffer some acute joint pain to begin with, not surprising considering the load that was impacting my joints couple with my hyper mobility condition.
Frustration
I distinctly remember one occassion where I was doing my 3 mile circuit walk. I must have been a month or so into the weight loss and I had got to the mile long hill that was in the middle of the route. Half way up and I started to cry. I can remember I found that hill incredibly hard going at the best of times, my heart would pound out of my chest, my calves would burn with lactic acid and the sweat poured down my face and back. I stood there in the rain and wept. I felt so frustrated, I thought about giving up and not bothering. I recall looking down at my massive thighs and feeling desperate for things to change quicker than they were. Patience Lorraine, Rome was not built in a day! I cannot really see why I was feeling so down, the weight had been coming off steadily and I had started to see a difference but I think it had all caught up with me. Nevertheless, I dug deep and plugged away. The commitment required to lose that kind of weight is pretty epic. There were so many occassions I could have screamed through sheer tiredness, frustration and disgust at myself but there was no room for self pity. I fully accepted it was my fault and my fault alone so it was down to ME to sort it out.
Getting there
After 6 months or so, I had dropped down from 301 pounds to around 215 pounds and I think that first 6 months saw the biggest weight loss in terms of dropping fat. It took a further 3 months of continuing the 1500 calories a day and regular exercise for me to really start seeing a difference in my body shape. As the exercise began to take effect, my cardio vascular system improved and so the walks lengthened and the gym sessions became tougher. Naturally I was responding to my increasing fitness levels and was pushing things harder without really realising. After 6 months I also relaxed the diet a bit and started to introduce treats back into the mix. I allowed myself one take away a week, on a Friday. I could have a chinese, indian or even a kebab but I made sure I chose healthier options from the menu....yes, it is possible! Instead of battered chicken I would go for boiled and instead of egg fried rice I would go for boiled rice. I looked forward to my little treats on a Friday and it meant that I did not feel so cheated out of the foods that had got me to 301 pounds in the first place. I still say that complete deprivation leads to failure...eventually. Don't deny yourself the things you like, just be sensible about it.
Gastronomic heroine
Weaning yourself off junk food is like weaning yourself off a drug in many respects. The body becomes accustomed to sugar and fat and so cutting that out of the diet can leave you craving the quick fix energy you would usually get. BUT the body does get used to it. I found that, after those first 6 months, my cravings for sugar had all but died a death. Initially, I did find it hard but I tried to supplement the chocolate and candy with grapes and strawberries. It did work although I suffered some withdrawl symptoms in the form of mood swings and tiredness. I remember the tipping point was when I walked into a local shop and saw my favourite sweets and chocolate bars in their shiny, inviting wrappers. I had absolutely no desire to buy one, instead choosing a bottle of flavoured mineral water. Which reminds me, I knocked back criminal amounts of coca cola when I was at my biggest. Again, I had to wean myself away from that (caffeine) but I replaced it with fizzy, flavoured mineral waters. It really did the trick, I was still getting the carbonated sensation in my mouth but I was consuming a fraction of the calories and still enjoying my fizzy drinks. Another useful tip.
Visual changes
So as we moved into the spring of 2006, I was starting to see the weight loss slow down somewhat. Perfectly understandable but I did not really hit any unbreakable plateaus. I can totally attribute this to the increasingly hard workouts I was doing. I went from being able to row for 5 minutes to rowing 20 at a time and my gym sessions were really starting to pay off. I recall that I really started noticing the weight loss in my face and shoulders. The soft layer of fat that had covered my collar bones was starting to disappear and, whilst getting ready for work one morning, I noticed there was some definition there. I could actually see my collar bones for the first time in years! Small steps but I felt really chuffed. My waist was shrinking as had my cloth size. I think I managed to drop 8 dress sizes in 9 months. Not bad going considering. I went from a UK size 24 (US 20) July 2005 down to a UK size 16 (US 12) by April of 2006. It proved to be a rather costly process, I had to keep down sizing my wardrobe but that was a small price to pay for the effects I was seeing.
People I had not seen for ages were shocked when they bumped into me. Some people even walked straight past me, deeming me totally unrecognisable. The nasty, fat comments had stopped and I even started to get some compliments. I cannot describe how much better I felt, my complexion was clearer, my energy levels were higher and I wanted to go out and socialise, be more active and enjoy life again. It was such a relief.
What I have written thus far in this post really does not do the hard work justice, I don't think a books worth of explaination could truly represent what I went through. It was bloody hard at times and I cannot tell you the number of occassions I could have happily jacked it in. I am fortunate in that I am incredibly stubborn and determined, when I put my mind to something I can really push out all the stops to achieve goals I set myself. Much of the emotion I felt was anger with myself, anger that I had allowed things to get so dire, anger that I had wasted most of my twenties (essentially the prime of my life) being fat and hiding away from the world. I felt like I had awoken from some strange, hypnotic state. I could stand back and totally see the extent of what I had done to my body.
In the next post I will describe how the weight loss continued and how my body really started to change. Had I not exercised the way I did, I really don't believe that I would be where I am today. More of that later....
I just hope this gives you a snippet of insight into what it was like
G'nite!
Rainy xxx
What is even crazier is that most of us know what we need to do to lose weight the healthy, natural way but it seems that half the time our rational, logical heads crash out of the window just when we need them most. If we are fully realistic then we should realise that healthy weight loss takes time and a bucket load of patience. The calculations are pretty simple on the whole and can be applied to most (but not all;) input vs output.
As an interjection to this post, I wanted to share with you my before and after vital stats. This gives you an idea of how much my body shape changed.
July 2005
Bust 44"
Waist 38"
Hips 56"
January 2011
Bust 35"
Waist 24 "
Hips 36"
We really do live in a 'I want it yesterday' culture and I think that can be partly attributed to the impatience we have with losing weight the au naturel way. I don't want you thinking I am getting on my high horse, I myself have not dieted sensibly historically, at least prior to my big weight loss. I have broken every rule in the book; purging (bulimia), starving myself, obsessively exercising. I have been to Weight Watchers, tried Slim Fast and none of these things have worked. Sure, I would drop some weight in the first few months but that kind of unbalanced diet will bite you in the butt eventually. I was your classic yo yo dieter; lose 10 pounds gain 20 back.
The penny dropped in 2005 and reality hit home, FINALLY. I had reached such an excessive weight that I could not afford to sabotage any weight loss success by not doing things in a measured and controlled way. Thanks goodness personal experience had taught me that 'extreme' dieting does not work. I knew it was make or break, the weight gain was in free fall and I felt like I had to reign it in otherwise I would be in serious trouble.
THE change
Healthy eating was a whole new world to me. At 301 pounds, I decided to plan how I was going to tackle the loss in a sustainable way. No more fannying around! My body had become a burden, this biological vessel was sinking and I wanted to abandon ship.
So I did some reading and armed myself with information. My knowledge of calorie intake and nutrition has always been pretty sound (ironically enough) although you would have not known it prior to 2006.
I structured an eating plan that would see me reduce my daily intake to 1500 calories initially. Considering I had been topping 3,000 some days, this was a dramatic reduction. I was mindful that I had to make sure the calories I did have were useful ones that would keep me full so I was less likely to crave the sweet, fatty, calorific foods I had been so accustomed to. I was careful to include porridge for breakfast, brown carbs for dinner (brown rice or pasta) with protein such as fish or chicken. Lunch would be a salad of some description ( always with a little bit of protein in there) and nuts.
I would snack on fruit and nuts If I felt at all peckish. For the first 6 months I was very strict, in my mind it is better to have no temptation at all and go cold turkey, at least for a while. For the first few months I was dropping impressive amounts of weight, around 22 pounds or so in one month alone. I think some of this was the release of fluid retention which is common. Along with the healthier eating, I had started to exercise from the first day I committed really. It started with 2 mile bike rides (at a very slow pace), gym sessions that consisted of walking on the treadmill, rowing and cycling and also walks around my local area, 3 times a week. This carried on for a few months as I did suffer some acute joint pain to begin with, not surprising considering the load that was impacting my joints couple with my hyper mobility condition.
Frustration
I distinctly remember one occassion where I was doing my 3 mile circuit walk. I must have been a month or so into the weight loss and I had got to the mile long hill that was in the middle of the route. Half way up and I started to cry. I can remember I found that hill incredibly hard going at the best of times, my heart would pound out of my chest, my calves would burn with lactic acid and the sweat poured down my face and back. I stood there in the rain and wept. I felt so frustrated, I thought about giving up and not bothering. I recall looking down at my massive thighs and feeling desperate for things to change quicker than they were. Patience Lorraine, Rome was not built in a day! I cannot really see why I was feeling so down, the weight had been coming off steadily and I had started to see a difference but I think it had all caught up with me. Nevertheless, I dug deep and plugged away. The commitment required to lose that kind of weight is pretty epic. There were so many occassions I could have screamed through sheer tiredness, frustration and disgust at myself but there was no room for self pity. I fully accepted it was my fault and my fault alone so it was down to ME to sort it out.
Getting there
After 6 months or so, I had dropped down from 301 pounds to around 215 pounds and I think that first 6 months saw the biggest weight loss in terms of dropping fat. It took a further 3 months of continuing the 1500 calories a day and regular exercise for me to really start seeing a difference in my body shape. As the exercise began to take effect, my cardio vascular system improved and so the walks lengthened and the gym sessions became tougher. Naturally I was responding to my increasing fitness levels and was pushing things harder without really realising. After 6 months I also relaxed the diet a bit and started to introduce treats back into the mix. I allowed myself one take away a week, on a Friday. I could have a chinese, indian or even a kebab but I made sure I chose healthier options from the menu....yes, it is possible! Instead of battered chicken I would go for boiled and instead of egg fried rice I would go for boiled rice. I looked forward to my little treats on a Friday and it meant that I did not feel so cheated out of the foods that had got me to 301 pounds in the first place. I still say that complete deprivation leads to failure...eventually. Don't deny yourself the things you like, just be sensible about it.
Gastronomic heroine
Weaning yourself off junk food is like weaning yourself off a drug in many respects. The body becomes accustomed to sugar and fat and so cutting that out of the diet can leave you craving the quick fix energy you would usually get. BUT the body does get used to it. I found that, after those first 6 months, my cravings for sugar had all but died a death. Initially, I did find it hard but I tried to supplement the chocolate and candy with grapes and strawberries. It did work although I suffered some withdrawl symptoms in the form of mood swings and tiredness. I remember the tipping point was when I walked into a local shop and saw my favourite sweets and chocolate bars in their shiny, inviting wrappers. I had absolutely no desire to buy one, instead choosing a bottle of flavoured mineral water. Which reminds me, I knocked back criminal amounts of coca cola when I was at my biggest. Again, I had to wean myself away from that (caffeine) but I replaced it with fizzy, flavoured mineral waters. It really did the trick, I was still getting the carbonated sensation in my mouth but I was consuming a fraction of the calories and still enjoying my fizzy drinks. Another useful tip.
Visual changes
So as we moved into the spring of 2006, I was starting to see the weight loss slow down somewhat. Perfectly understandable but I did not really hit any unbreakable plateaus. I can totally attribute this to the increasingly hard workouts I was doing. I went from being able to row for 5 minutes to rowing 20 at a time and my gym sessions were really starting to pay off. I recall that I really started noticing the weight loss in my face and shoulders. The soft layer of fat that had covered my collar bones was starting to disappear and, whilst getting ready for work one morning, I noticed there was some definition there. I could actually see my collar bones for the first time in years! Small steps but I felt really chuffed. My waist was shrinking as had my cloth size. I think I managed to drop 8 dress sizes in 9 months. Not bad going considering. I went from a UK size 24 (US 20) July 2005 down to a UK size 16 (US 12) by April of 2006. It proved to be a rather costly process, I had to keep down sizing my wardrobe but that was a small price to pay for the effects I was seeing.
People I had not seen for ages were shocked when they bumped into me. Some people even walked straight past me, deeming me totally unrecognisable. The nasty, fat comments had stopped and I even started to get some compliments. I cannot describe how much better I felt, my complexion was clearer, my energy levels were higher and I wanted to go out and socialise, be more active and enjoy life again. It was such a relief.
What I have written thus far in this post really does not do the hard work justice, I don't think a books worth of explaination could truly represent what I went through. It was bloody hard at times and I cannot tell you the number of occassions I could have happily jacked it in. I am fortunate in that I am incredibly stubborn and determined, when I put my mind to something I can really push out all the stops to achieve goals I set myself. Much of the emotion I felt was anger with myself, anger that I had allowed things to get so dire, anger that I had wasted most of my twenties (essentially the prime of my life) being fat and hiding away from the world. I felt like I had awoken from some strange, hypnotic state. I could stand back and totally see the extent of what I had done to my body.
In the next post I will describe how the weight loss continued and how my body really started to change. Had I not exercised the way I did, I really don't believe that I would be where I am today. More of that later....
I just hope this gives you a snippet of insight into what it was like
G'nite!
Rainy xxx
Tuesday 25 October 2011
It's what is on the inside that counts
Beauty is only skin deep, we merely scratch the surface of a person when we look at them. Visual beauty can mean different things to different people; attractive eyes, full lips, luscious hair, slim figure, curvy figure, large boobs, small boobs, manly arms, portly physique, muscly thighs. You catch my drift? Living in an image obsessed society and amongst a media that portrays beauty as this unrealistic, unachievable, flawless perfection presents problems. Everywhere you look, girls and guys peer back from the glossy pages of magazines, air brushed to within an inch of their life and totally misrepresenting reality. So many of us are exposed to an unseen but tangible pressure to aspire to this distortion.
In my mind, imperfections are what make us beautiful, little foibles in looks that set us aside from one another. How boring would the world be if we all looked like we had just stepped off of a catwalk. Ugh, that would be intensely dull. Every person walking this earth has something visually beautiful about them, I believe that and see it everyday.
It is in our nature to judge each other on initial appearance, we look and see every waking hour and so everyone we come across fall into that line of sight. There is a theory that we look for a partner who we feel are on the same level of attractiveness as us. We do this subconsciously apparently. Scientific studies have been conducted that prove we are attracted to people with balanced, symmetrical faces. So symmetry = visual beauty !
It's not the surface, it's what is in the interior
Of course the physical attractiveness can only get you so far. As we get to know a person, we delve deeper and learn about them, what makes them tick. Looks fade, personality doesn't. I have met people throughout my life that may not be deemed beautiful or handsome to look at but who exude confidence, charisma, wit and self assuredness. This is far more alluring and durable than a person who has a pretty face and great body but little in the way of character.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, it is also about how we carry ourselves. Body language is a fascinating subject and something that has been proven to affect the way we behave toward one another. People who are self conscious, paranoid and self aware might slouch their shoulders, drag their feet and deter others from approaching them. Conversely, someone who has a confident stride, a spring in their step and head held high are going to draw others into their space. Believe me, I have inadvertently tried and tested this myself!
Fat is not deemed attractive, pretty or beautiful in this vain society we inhabit. Fat is often seen as gross, ugly, a sign that someone has let themselves go. You don't see fat models on the majority of cat walks, you don't see fat people on bill boards or in magazines. I think it is a sad sign of the times that we place so much emphasis on physical looks. There are some stunningly attractive, curvaceous people out there.
Let's face it, it is all about confidence. It is a powerful trait and one that gets you far in life. Confidence can give you a ticket into almost anything.
Looks shouldn't really factor, we are all made of the same stuff it is just that we are formed slightly differently from one another.
A beautiful person has that beauty for a limited amount of time. A confident, vivacious person has that confidence indefinitely.
A relatively short one tonight, just another muse!
My next post will outline what I did to drop the weight both with my diet and my exercise. I hope this can offer some tips to those of you out there trying out different methods of losing weight...
Rainy xxx
In my mind, imperfections are what make us beautiful, little foibles in looks that set us aside from one another. How boring would the world be if we all looked like we had just stepped off of a catwalk. Ugh, that would be intensely dull. Every person walking this earth has something visually beautiful about them, I believe that and see it everyday.
It is in our nature to judge each other on initial appearance, we look and see every waking hour and so everyone we come across fall into that line of sight. There is a theory that we look for a partner who we feel are on the same level of attractiveness as us. We do this subconsciously apparently. Scientific studies have been conducted that prove we are attracted to people with balanced, symmetrical faces. So symmetry = visual beauty !
It's not the surface, it's what is in the interior
Of course the physical attractiveness can only get you so far. As we get to know a person, we delve deeper and learn about them, what makes them tick. Looks fade, personality doesn't. I have met people throughout my life that may not be deemed beautiful or handsome to look at but who exude confidence, charisma, wit and self assuredness. This is far more alluring and durable than a person who has a pretty face and great body but little in the way of character.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, it is also about how we carry ourselves. Body language is a fascinating subject and something that has been proven to affect the way we behave toward one another. People who are self conscious, paranoid and self aware might slouch their shoulders, drag their feet and deter others from approaching them. Conversely, someone who has a confident stride, a spring in their step and head held high are going to draw others into their space. Believe me, I have inadvertently tried and tested this myself!
Fat is not deemed attractive, pretty or beautiful in this vain society we inhabit. Fat is often seen as gross, ugly, a sign that someone has let themselves go. You don't see fat models on the majority of cat walks, you don't see fat people on bill boards or in magazines. I think it is a sad sign of the times that we place so much emphasis on physical looks. There are some stunningly attractive, curvaceous people out there.
Let's face it, it is all about confidence. It is a powerful trait and one that gets you far in life. Confidence can give you a ticket into almost anything.
Looks shouldn't really factor, we are all made of the same stuff it is just that we are formed slightly differently from one another.
A beautiful person has that beauty for a limited amount of time. A confident, vivacious person has that confidence indefinitely.
A relatively short one tonight, just another muse!
My next post will outline what I did to drop the weight both with my diet and my exercise. I hope this can offer some tips to those of you out there trying out different methods of losing weight...
Rainy xxx
Sunday 23 October 2011
Admitting who I used to be
Did everyone have a nice Sunday? The night's are drawing in now and our clocks go back an hour as of next weekend so another hour of darkness blah! I need to get me a UV lamp for the next 5 months of winter!
I am now on the cusp of entering my fourth year of maintenance. Four years of being fitter and healthier, the memories of my fat body are edging away as each days passes. I will never ever forget the old me, how can I? I cannot deny the past and that unhappy, fat person certainly made an impact on me that will stay with me forever. She shaped who I am today. I am grateful to her in so many ways, despite that fat girl being depressive and sometimes victimised, she kept her dignity throughout and rarely dragged herself down to the level where her tormentors sat.
When I was at my largest, I spent a lot of time dreaming about being slimmer. The envy I felt of smaller people was suffocating at times. I would have done anything to have a fairy god mother wave a magic wand and remove the lard from my heavily laden physique.
There was no great escape from the chunk immediately, not even Harry Houdini could have staged such an impossible feat. But that unrelenting thought followed me everywhere, what a release and relief it would be to look and feel slimmer. What would it feel like? Would it really change my life? How would I look? I clung onto that dream throughout, only when I realised that my destiny was fully in my own hands did I finally do something about it. I knew that pills, shakes, starvation were not going to work. This time I would do it the right way, I owed my body that.
So the journey continues and will for the rest of my days. They sat that an ex smoker or drinker will always be an ex smoker and drinker, the vulnerability of returning to that vice is so much more heightened when you have that dependency before. It is no different with food.
Instead of being that fat girl looking ahead and wondering how it would feel to be slim, I am now that slimmer girl looking back and remembering what it felt like to be fat. As I started seriously with this blog (a work in progress whose words were first penned 4 years ago) I was forced to face up to my fat existence again. By making my journey public, I have moved forward with the emotional recovery even moreso. And it is recovery, I have been so preoccupied with the physical aspects of my dramatic loss that I have neglected to heal myself from the trials I have put my head through. My mind has been chock a block with self deprication, taunts, shame, determination, endurance...
Sounds heavy right? It is not meant to be, I have reaped so many rewards from this process but there are things I have not addressed, emotional barriers that I am finally crossing and the candidness I share with you here is assisting greatly with this.
Please may I introduce you to the old me...
My work colleagues have only known me as I am now, they know no different. I have outlined my weight loss to a couple of them but it is not common knowledge. Up until now, part of me felt that the fat person I once was is not someone I wanted to introduce them to. What would that achieve? They know me for who I am now and that is it. Perhaps I was ashamed of who I was, perhaps I was fearful that they would judge me because I allowed my weight to get so out of control? I am the same person I was then; had you put me in a room with them 6 years ago I still would have had my humour, adeptness at talking nonsense, ability to listen and share. The only difference now is I carry myself differently, confidence is transforming.
Perhaps I simply didn't tell them before because I felt like I would appear to be drawing attention to myself.
The other day and for the first time, I shared my fat picture with them. Understandably, they were shocked. My good friend even asked, 'who is that ?' initially.
I enlightened them to a synopsis of my story, their mouths were agog as I furnished them with the weight loss statistics. Hearing myself go over the numbers, I realise it does sound pretty crazy. Most of them reacted with things like, 'I would never have thought it','You look so much better, do you feel different?', 'What made you gain so much weight?' That last one is tricky to answer. Over eating and laziness are the most obvious answers but there was a lot more to it than that. it encompassed a very stressful, family related problem that saw me seek solace in the destructive hold of a food obsession that was over whelming.
So my secret is out! :) Telling them was a huge step for me, being able to comfortably go over what I have managed to achieve is rather liberating. I do feel like I have overcome a hurdle by sharing it with my work mates. Equally, I have found writing this blog very therapeutic and each entry is another small piece of the old me healing.
What are you trying to say?
You often hear people who do lose weight saying that they receive compliments from those around them who have noticed the change. It is always lovely to get a compliment and they should be embraced. What I have noticed some observationists say is 'Oh you look so much better' and similar comments. Without them meaning it to be, this is a bit of a back handed compliment don't you think? Were you insinuating I was rough before? Perhaps I am being over sensitive. In fact, I don't think that is a perhaps, it is a certainty!
Nevertheless, who wouldn't comment on such a physical change? I have looked on various weight loss/ support forums and seen some incredible before and after pictures. I love seeing other people's achievements and I think I have a special understanding and kinship with anyone who has had to battle the demons I have.
Here's to us! The people out there who REALLY know what it is like to suffer at the hands of obesity
Rainy xxx
I am now on the cusp of entering my fourth year of maintenance. Four years of being fitter and healthier, the memories of my fat body are edging away as each days passes. I will never ever forget the old me, how can I? I cannot deny the past and that unhappy, fat person certainly made an impact on me that will stay with me forever. She shaped who I am today. I am grateful to her in so many ways, despite that fat girl being depressive and sometimes victimised, she kept her dignity throughout and rarely dragged herself down to the level where her tormentors sat.
When I was at my largest, I spent a lot of time dreaming about being slimmer. The envy I felt of smaller people was suffocating at times. I would have done anything to have a fairy god mother wave a magic wand and remove the lard from my heavily laden physique.
There was no great escape from the chunk immediately, not even Harry Houdini could have staged such an impossible feat. But that unrelenting thought followed me everywhere, what a release and relief it would be to look and feel slimmer. What would it feel like? Would it really change my life? How would I look? I clung onto that dream throughout, only when I realised that my destiny was fully in my own hands did I finally do something about it. I knew that pills, shakes, starvation were not going to work. This time I would do it the right way, I owed my body that.
So the journey continues and will for the rest of my days. They sat that an ex smoker or drinker will always be an ex smoker and drinker, the vulnerability of returning to that vice is so much more heightened when you have that dependency before. It is no different with food.
Instead of being that fat girl looking ahead and wondering how it would feel to be slim, I am now that slimmer girl looking back and remembering what it felt like to be fat. As I started seriously with this blog (a work in progress whose words were first penned 4 years ago) I was forced to face up to my fat existence again. By making my journey public, I have moved forward with the emotional recovery even moreso. And it is recovery, I have been so preoccupied with the physical aspects of my dramatic loss that I have neglected to heal myself from the trials I have put my head through. My mind has been chock a block with self deprication, taunts, shame, determination, endurance...
Sounds heavy right? It is not meant to be, I have reaped so many rewards from this process but there are things I have not addressed, emotional barriers that I am finally crossing and the candidness I share with you here is assisting greatly with this.
Please may I introduce you to the old me...
My work colleagues have only known me as I am now, they know no different. I have outlined my weight loss to a couple of them but it is not common knowledge. Up until now, part of me felt that the fat person I once was is not someone I wanted to introduce them to. What would that achieve? They know me for who I am now and that is it. Perhaps I was ashamed of who I was, perhaps I was fearful that they would judge me because I allowed my weight to get so out of control? I am the same person I was then; had you put me in a room with them 6 years ago I still would have had my humour, adeptness at talking nonsense, ability to listen and share. The only difference now is I carry myself differently, confidence is transforming.
Perhaps I simply didn't tell them before because I felt like I would appear to be drawing attention to myself.
The other day and for the first time, I shared my fat picture with them. Understandably, they were shocked. My good friend even asked, 'who is that ?' initially.
I enlightened them to a synopsis of my story, their mouths were agog as I furnished them with the weight loss statistics. Hearing myself go over the numbers, I realise it does sound pretty crazy. Most of them reacted with things like, 'I would never have thought it','You look so much better, do you feel different?', 'What made you gain so much weight?' That last one is tricky to answer. Over eating and laziness are the most obvious answers but there was a lot more to it than that. it encompassed a very stressful, family related problem that saw me seek solace in the destructive hold of a food obsession that was over whelming.
So my secret is out! :) Telling them was a huge step for me, being able to comfortably go over what I have managed to achieve is rather liberating. I do feel like I have overcome a hurdle by sharing it with my work mates. Equally, I have found writing this blog very therapeutic and each entry is another small piece of the old me healing.
What are you trying to say?
You often hear people who do lose weight saying that they receive compliments from those around them who have noticed the change. It is always lovely to get a compliment and they should be embraced. What I have noticed some observationists say is 'Oh you look so much better' and similar comments. Without them meaning it to be, this is a bit of a back handed compliment don't you think? Were you insinuating I was rough before? Perhaps I am being over sensitive. In fact, I don't think that is a perhaps, it is a certainty!
Nevertheless, who wouldn't comment on such a physical change? I have looked on various weight loss/ support forums and seen some incredible before and after pictures. I love seeing other people's achievements and I think I have a special understanding and kinship with anyone who has had to battle the demons I have.
Here's to us! The people out there who REALLY know what it is like to suffer at the hands of obesity
Rainy xxx
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