After already having lost 110 pounds, July 2006 saw me break the 190 barrier. As I was getting smaller, inevitably, the weight loss slowed down. I had been losing 3 -4 pounds per week but I noticed that I would be lucky if I lost 2 a week once I reached that threshold. I had fully prepared myself for this and understood it was likely to happen. I did not want it disheartening me so I carried on exercising as I had before, focusing on my strength and fitness as much as I could.
The dreaded scales
During the midst of my weight loss, I must admit I was weighing myself once every 3 days or so. Some might frown on this and I would too. I definitely do not advocate daily weigh ins as the number on the scaledoes not represent the full story. For women, your menstrual cycle can affect that figure because of water retention, hormonal fluctuations mean that you may be retaining more water one week whereby it could be gone the next. This can make the difference between 2 - 4 pounds. Nevertheless, I have a head for statistics and so kept detailed logs of weight loss throughout the 18 months as I knew I could look back and see exactly what I had achieved.
Ditch the scales, get that tape measure out!
Taking your body measurements is a far more representative gauge of what is happening. Inches tell the true story. This was something I did once a month, again keeping a detailed log of my shrinking vital statistics. In my previous post, I outlined my starting stats and finishing stats; minus 82 inches is A LOT of surface area! Get those tape measures out, try to move away from more than once weekly weigh ins. If you do weigh yourself daily, try to stop that if you can. Once a week should be more than ample and the less time you spend distracted by the scale, the more time you can put into exercising and really improving your health.
The scales can become obsessional, they should only ever be used as a guide. We all know that you can step on 2 different sets of scales and get wildly different readings. They do have their place as you lose weight, you just have to be mindful of the fact that they can become your worst enemy if you allow them to be.
I don't weigh myself at all now. I have an idea of what I weigh as I have learnt so much about my body and can listen to it successfully whereas I totally ignored it before. I can feel subtle changes in weight, fitness and impending illness. More importantly, I really do know when I am hungry now and I eat when I am. This might be midnight sometimes but it is a sensation I have become familiar with. Before, I was so out of touch with everything organic about me.
I work solely on how my clothes feel now. I will sometimes take my measurements but that only happens once a month or so. Having been in maintenance for so long, my attachment to the weighing scale is another unhealthy tie I have severed.
Almost there
As we moved into Autumn 2006 I had broken the 180 pound barrier. My weight plateaued for a few weeks during September of that year but an increase in my cardiovascular routine kick started a renewed loss. Plateaus are common, I view them as a chance for the body to take time to re adjust. You cannot consistently lose weight, especially starting where I did. From experience, breaking through a plateau requires a shake up of the exercise routine.
When you train seriously at sport/fitness, the hardest, most gruelling , tear inducing sessions will be the ones where you gain the most fitness. Taking your body out of it's comfort zone works wonders.
When I reached a plateau during my loss, especially when I was near 180 pounds, I pushed myself a little harder at the gym or went on a longer bike ride or a longer, hillier walk.
No more tears
With my smaller body came so many new and exciting bonuses; clothes shopping had become a joy rather than a chore, instead of feeling desperately depressed and getting down about it, I walked away excited about my size 14 skirt and top. Sitting next to people no longer worried me, my overspilling thighs were a shadow of their former selves and my upper body was much reduced. I could walk down the street and no one would pass comment, I swear I continued to listen out for it, even though I knew that it was not likely to happen. My social life was far improved, instead of being a virtual recluse I would actively suggest evenings out with friends, whether it be pubs or clubs. All in all the benefits far outweighed any draw backs, which were few.
Keep on runnin'
So Christmas came and went and we entered 2007. My weight stuck at around 175 for a little while but this was when I discovered something that would become a massive feature in my life and has been ever since
I walked a 2 mile route around where I lived at the time, this route was used more for speed walking sessions initially. This one afternoon, I returned from work and decided to head out as I had been sitting on my bum all day and needed to move. I set off, keeping up my usual pace for a few hundred yards but then something inside my head said, 'try a slow jog.' I listened to that voice and broke into a slow jog, managing to complete the 2 miles remarkably comfortably. I got back to the house and felt very pleased, I could run! Albeit slowly.
That would certainly not have been anything I could have contemplated doing before, the excess weight coupled with poor cardio conditioning would not have allowed it. But there I was, just under 180 pounds and I had just run the furthest I had ever run in my life! I felt elated! I think the consistent walk and gym work I had done for 16 months had really assisted in bringing my cardio fitness up to a level where I could handle running.
My older brother is an athlete and he has always been my inspiration, I have witnessed him do some hellish events and been in awe; marathons, triathlons, duathlons.
So this new love of running kicked in. I started to train most days, only short distances at first but I absolutely loved it. It was heavy going on my lungs initially but they started to respond as I found my comfort zone. Any weight plateau I was experiencing was smashed out of the water, by April 2007 I had reached goal. it was a momentus feeling, I had done it. I recall the morning I stepped on the scale and the red marker was bang on 160 pounds. It really was quite an emotional day, I had spent the best part of 2 years working my arse off (literally and figuratively); tears, tantrums, hundreds of miles of cardio, mostly careful food choices and there I stood, 141 pounds down, fitter than I had ever been and on goal.
So that was the easier part of the process complete. I would then face entering maintenance, the final part of it that would see me implementing for the rest of my life. Maintenance has not been easy at times and 160 pounds was not my finishing weight by any means, but more about that later.
Next time I will explain how the first part of maintenance panned out and the challenges that presented. I will also outline some exercise related physical challenges I took on that pushed by renewed body to the limit.
Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, wherever you might be in the world!
Rainy xx
Sunday 30 October 2011
The mid way point of an epic challenge
I cannot claim that I was not enticed by unhealthy patterns of thought and behaviours as I continued to drop the weight. Old ghosts from weight loss past were out to haunt me but I was not going to give in, I began to exorcise them one by one. Whenever these crept up on me, I was acutely aware and battled to overcome them. I think the most acute habit that tried to infiltrate my otherwise balanced approach was the urge to restrict my food intake. I noted also that, if I had a bad day at work or just a bad day generally, this urge kicked in even
moreso. I think before, that same urge manifested itself in binges as I outlined in earlier posts and I used these as a coping mechanism. Now it had turned itself on it's head and gone to the other extreme. Luckily, whenever I felt like I may not meet my calorie intake for the day, I would consciously eat a small meal so I was bridging that deficit. This did not happen all the time but, when it did, I was finally in control of it. They say you have to make mistakes to learn, never was a truer word spoken.
As you are all probably aware, losing weight can be a rush. The more you lose, the more of a kick you get out of it. It can be an addiction all of its own. One of the crucial parts of the process is control. You have to own it and control it rather than it doing that to you. Self awareness is vital, identifying your unhealthy thought processes and dealing with them is key.
Another mistake people make is feeling like they have failed if there is a day where they are not so good. This is not a fail, this is part of the wider process and a crucial part at that. I still had days, early on especially when I binged. Not to the gargantuan degree I would before but still a binge. I admit I felt guilty and bad when it happened but the difference this time was I got back on the horse and carried on the next day, perhaps being extra specially careful to make up for it. I was also conscious that my exercise would be off setting days like that to some degree.
Letting go of the bingeing was tough, it had been my crutch for so long but I was able to sever those ties, one by one.
Short term goals
Another fantastic plan I adopted was setting myself mini goals. When your starting weight is 301 pounds, there is little point in saying 'I want to be 150 pounds in 2 years time.' It does nothing for the morale in terms of believing that it can be achieved. Instead I set 28 pound goal increments. Specific dates were not so important as I did not want to assert any undue pressure on myself but I would say, just for example 'so I want to reach 190 pounds by mid June 2006.' These short term goals were achievable in my head and far more manageable than having one, overall long term goal. Of course I had that too (the overall goal had always been 160 pounds initially, this seemed reasonable and achievable.) I chose not to place too much emphasis on it. That is one massive gauntlet to throw down! To be honest, I don't think I could go through that kind of weight loss again. It did drain me mentally, physically and
emotionally. That was most certainly a once in a lifetime achievement and massive incentive for me to never allow that kind of weight to return ever again.
Getting there
As I breached the 200 pound mark during June 2006, there was massive cause for celebration and I felt so proud of myself. My partner at the time took me out for a meal and I treated myself to some chips and a steak. The exercise was going really well at that point, I started playing badminton once a week, just to keep things interesting and I savoured the feeling of not being so self conscious as I darted around the court. I was still carrying and extra 50 pounds or so but, having already dropped over 100, it was small change in comparison.
The exercise obsession of old had been replaced by a structured plan that saw me do around an hour a day, 6 days a week. As with any exercise plan, having a day off is important so your muscles can heal and I structured this in, forcing myself to take that day off.
Body metamorphosis
After my collar bone revelation and when I started moving toward 190 pounds during July of 2006, I noticed my legs and backside was getting smaller. The junk in my trunk was being streamlined! That summer was memorable, mainly due to the fact that I was no longer the sweaty mess I had been for 5 years. I still sweated but no where near as much. Chafing was still happening a little bit on really hot days but it was no where near as severe as before. It really was a voyage of discovery for me, euphoric at times as I realised that everything was falling in to place, it felt right this time. A far more relaxed, natural process. I was brimming with confidence and knew anything was possible.
Tough days still plagued me but I was well equipped to deal with them, having done things sensibly. They became fewer and farther between and the body was definitely settling into the new lifestyle. Along with my Friday take away treat, I allowed myself the odd can of coke or chocolate bar. I am a bit of a candy fiend and so it was really nice to indulge this passion once in a while without feeling the need to buy a whole multi pack and wolf it down in one sitting.
Terminal damage
My long term partner continued to support me, although our relationship had been put under a lot of strain. I had to be fixated by getting the weight off, focus and hard work were the only option which is why I achieved what I did. There was fallout, I openly admit that my relationship was one thing that suffered. That's not to say there were obvious cracks in the veneer anyway, I guess my weight loss goals exacerbated those cracks.
But, despite the fact I rarely talk to my ex partner now, I am eternally grateful to him for the unwavering support he gave me. When we first started dating back in 1999 I was a smaller 140 pounds and, from the moment we met, we found a common love of food. I think it was how we bonded initially. I remember we used to have cheese fondues once a week (the epitomy of cholesterol heaven) and meals out at various country pubs.
I think we all know that, once the honeymoon period of a new relationship is over, it seems very common that one or both people in the relationship will gain weight. We get comfortable, we are no longer on the market and trying to attract a mate so feel less pressure to look a certain way (although this is my own reasoning as to why this happens.) He saw me go from a spritely, energetic girl to a morbidly obese, sad one. Not once did he berate me for my size, he said he would love me, even if I got so big the fire brigade had to knock the walls of the flat down to get me out. (This was always said with a wry smile ;) )
Too many times I have heard of women whose partners/ husbands pass judgement and comments about their weight. These men are ignorant and insensitive. Enough said about that.
Next time I will continue to describe the final stage of my main weight loss, sub 190 pounds.
It is 04:00 and I am awake, I must get some sleep. Brain disengage!
Rainy xxx
moreso. I think before, that same urge manifested itself in binges as I outlined in earlier posts and I used these as a coping mechanism. Now it had turned itself on it's head and gone to the other extreme. Luckily, whenever I felt like I may not meet my calorie intake for the day, I would consciously eat a small meal so I was bridging that deficit. This did not happen all the time but, when it did, I was finally in control of it. They say you have to make mistakes to learn, never was a truer word spoken.
As you are all probably aware, losing weight can be a rush. The more you lose, the more of a kick you get out of it. It can be an addiction all of its own. One of the crucial parts of the process is control. You have to own it and control it rather than it doing that to you. Self awareness is vital, identifying your unhealthy thought processes and dealing with them is key.
Another mistake people make is feeling like they have failed if there is a day where they are not so good. This is not a fail, this is part of the wider process and a crucial part at that. I still had days, early on especially when I binged. Not to the gargantuan degree I would before but still a binge. I admit I felt guilty and bad when it happened but the difference this time was I got back on the horse and carried on the next day, perhaps being extra specially careful to make up for it. I was also conscious that my exercise would be off setting days like that to some degree.
Letting go of the bingeing was tough, it had been my crutch for so long but I was able to sever those ties, one by one.
Short term goals
Another fantastic plan I adopted was setting myself mini goals. When your starting weight is 301 pounds, there is little point in saying 'I want to be 150 pounds in 2 years time.' It does nothing for the morale in terms of believing that it can be achieved. Instead I set 28 pound goal increments. Specific dates were not so important as I did not want to assert any undue pressure on myself but I would say, just for example 'so I want to reach 190 pounds by mid June 2006.' These short term goals were achievable in my head and far more manageable than having one, overall long term goal. Of course I had that too (the overall goal had always been 160 pounds initially, this seemed reasonable and achievable.) I chose not to place too much emphasis on it. That is one massive gauntlet to throw down! To be honest, I don't think I could go through that kind of weight loss again. It did drain me mentally, physically and
emotionally. That was most certainly a once in a lifetime achievement and massive incentive for me to never allow that kind of weight to return ever again.
Getting there
As I breached the 200 pound mark during June 2006, there was massive cause for celebration and I felt so proud of myself. My partner at the time took me out for a meal and I treated myself to some chips and a steak. The exercise was going really well at that point, I started playing badminton once a week, just to keep things interesting and I savoured the feeling of not being so self conscious as I darted around the court. I was still carrying and extra 50 pounds or so but, having already dropped over 100, it was small change in comparison.
The exercise obsession of old had been replaced by a structured plan that saw me do around an hour a day, 6 days a week. As with any exercise plan, having a day off is important so your muscles can heal and I structured this in, forcing myself to take that day off.
Body metamorphosis
After my collar bone revelation and when I started moving toward 190 pounds during July of 2006, I noticed my legs and backside was getting smaller. The junk in my trunk was being streamlined! That summer was memorable, mainly due to the fact that I was no longer the sweaty mess I had been for 5 years. I still sweated but no where near as much. Chafing was still happening a little bit on really hot days but it was no where near as severe as before. It really was a voyage of discovery for me, euphoric at times as I realised that everything was falling in to place, it felt right this time. A far more relaxed, natural process. I was brimming with confidence and knew anything was possible.
Tough days still plagued me but I was well equipped to deal with them, having done things sensibly. They became fewer and farther between and the body was definitely settling into the new lifestyle. Along with my Friday take away treat, I allowed myself the odd can of coke or chocolate bar. I am a bit of a candy fiend and so it was really nice to indulge this passion once in a while without feeling the need to buy a whole multi pack and wolf it down in one sitting.
Terminal damage
My long term partner continued to support me, although our relationship had been put under a lot of strain. I had to be fixated by getting the weight off, focus and hard work were the only option which is why I achieved what I did. There was fallout, I openly admit that my relationship was one thing that suffered. That's not to say there were obvious cracks in the veneer anyway, I guess my weight loss goals exacerbated those cracks.
But, despite the fact I rarely talk to my ex partner now, I am eternally grateful to him for the unwavering support he gave me. When we first started dating back in 1999 I was a smaller 140 pounds and, from the moment we met, we found a common love of food. I think it was how we bonded initially. I remember we used to have cheese fondues once a week (the epitomy of cholesterol heaven) and meals out at various country pubs.
I think we all know that, once the honeymoon period of a new relationship is over, it seems very common that one or both people in the relationship will gain weight. We get comfortable, we are no longer on the market and trying to attract a mate so feel less pressure to look a certain way (although this is my own reasoning as to why this happens.) He saw me go from a spritely, energetic girl to a morbidly obese, sad one. Not once did he berate me for my size, he said he would love me, even if I got so big the fire brigade had to knock the walls of the flat down to get me out. (This was always said with a wry smile ;) )
Too many times I have heard of women whose partners/ husbands pass judgement and comments about their weight. These men are ignorant and insensitive. Enough said about that.
Next time I will continue to describe the final stage of my main weight loss, sub 190 pounds.
It is 04:00 and I am awake, I must get some sleep. Brain disengage!
Rainy xxx
Thursday 27 October 2011
Doing things differently; the penny finally dropped
Isn't it amazing the lengths people will go to lose weight. Faddy diets, obsessive exercise, starvation, purging, pills, supplements... even amphetamines!!
What is even crazier is that most of us know what we need to do to lose weight the healthy, natural way but it seems that half the time our rational, logical heads crash out of the window just when we need them most. If we are fully realistic then we should realise that healthy weight loss takes time and a bucket load of patience. The calculations are pretty simple on the whole and can be applied to most (but not all;) input vs output.
As an interjection to this post, I wanted to share with you my before and after vital stats. This gives you an idea of how much my body shape changed.
July 2005
Bust 44"
Waist 38"
Hips 56"
January 2011
Bust 35"
Waist 24 "
Hips 36"
We really do live in a 'I want it yesterday' culture and I think that can be partly attributed to the impatience we have with losing weight the au naturel way. I don't want you thinking I am getting on my high horse, I myself have not dieted sensibly historically, at least prior to my big weight loss. I have broken every rule in the book; purging (bulimia), starving myself, obsessively exercising. I have been to Weight Watchers, tried Slim Fast and none of these things have worked. Sure, I would drop some weight in the first few months but that kind of unbalanced diet will bite you in the butt eventually. I was your classic yo yo dieter; lose 10 pounds gain 20 back.
The penny dropped in 2005 and reality hit home, FINALLY. I had reached such an excessive weight that I could not afford to sabotage any weight loss success by not doing things in a measured and controlled way. Thanks goodness personal experience had taught me that 'extreme' dieting does not work. I knew it was make or break, the weight gain was in free fall and I felt like I had to reign it in otherwise I would be in serious trouble.
THE change
Healthy eating was a whole new world to me. At 301 pounds, I decided to plan how I was going to tackle the loss in a sustainable way. No more fannying around! My body had become a burden, this biological vessel was sinking and I wanted to abandon ship.
So I did some reading and armed myself with information. My knowledge of calorie intake and nutrition has always been pretty sound (ironically enough) although you would have not known it prior to 2006.
I structured an eating plan that would see me reduce my daily intake to 1500 calories initially. Considering I had been topping 3,000 some days, this was a dramatic reduction. I was mindful that I had to make sure the calories I did have were useful ones that would keep me full so I was less likely to crave the sweet, fatty, calorific foods I had been so accustomed to. I was careful to include porridge for breakfast, brown carbs for dinner (brown rice or pasta) with protein such as fish or chicken. Lunch would be a salad of some description ( always with a little bit of protein in there) and nuts.
I would snack on fruit and nuts If I felt at all peckish. For the first 6 months I was very strict, in my mind it is better to have no temptation at all and go cold turkey, at least for a while. For the first few months I was dropping impressive amounts of weight, around 22 pounds or so in one month alone. I think some of this was the release of fluid retention which is common. Along with the healthier eating, I had started to exercise from the first day I committed really. It started with 2 mile bike rides (at a very slow pace), gym sessions that consisted of walking on the treadmill, rowing and cycling and also walks around my local area, 3 times a week. This carried on for a few months as I did suffer some acute joint pain to begin with, not surprising considering the load that was impacting my joints couple with my hyper mobility condition.
Frustration
I distinctly remember one occassion where I was doing my 3 mile circuit walk. I must have been a month or so into the weight loss and I had got to the mile long hill that was in the middle of the route. Half way up and I started to cry. I can remember I found that hill incredibly hard going at the best of times, my heart would pound out of my chest, my calves would burn with lactic acid and the sweat poured down my face and back. I stood there in the rain and wept. I felt so frustrated, I thought about giving up and not bothering. I recall looking down at my massive thighs and feeling desperate for things to change quicker than they were. Patience Lorraine, Rome was not built in a day! I cannot really see why I was feeling so down, the weight had been coming off steadily and I had started to see a difference but I think it had all caught up with me. Nevertheless, I dug deep and plugged away. The commitment required to lose that kind of weight is pretty epic. There were so many occassions I could have screamed through sheer tiredness, frustration and disgust at myself but there was no room for self pity. I fully accepted it was my fault and my fault alone so it was down to ME to sort it out.
Getting there
After 6 months or so, I had dropped down from 301 pounds to around 215 pounds and I think that first 6 months saw the biggest weight loss in terms of dropping fat. It took a further 3 months of continuing the 1500 calories a day and regular exercise for me to really start seeing a difference in my body shape. As the exercise began to take effect, my cardio vascular system improved and so the walks lengthened and the gym sessions became tougher. Naturally I was responding to my increasing fitness levels and was pushing things harder without really realising. After 6 months I also relaxed the diet a bit and started to introduce treats back into the mix. I allowed myself one take away a week, on a Friday. I could have a chinese, indian or even a kebab but I made sure I chose healthier options from the menu....yes, it is possible! Instead of battered chicken I would go for boiled and instead of egg fried rice I would go for boiled rice. I looked forward to my little treats on a Friday and it meant that I did not feel so cheated out of the foods that had got me to 301 pounds in the first place. I still say that complete deprivation leads to failure...eventually. Don't deny yourself the things you like, just be sensible about it.
Gastronomic heroine
Weaning yourself off junk food is like weaning yourself off a drug in many respects. The body becomes accustomed to sugar and fat and so cutting that out of the diet can leave you craving the quick fix energy you would usually get. BUT the body does get used to it. I found that, after those first 6 months, my cravings for sugar had all but died a death. Initially, I did find it hard but I tried to supplement the chocolate and candy with grapes and strawberries. It did work although I suffered some withdrawl symptoms in the form of mood swings and tiredness. I remember the tipping point was when I walked into a local shop and saw my favourite sweets and chocolate bars in their shiny, inviting wrappers. I had absolutely no desire to buy one, instead choosing a bottle of flavoured mineral water. Which reminds me, I knocked back criminal amounts of coca cola when I was at my biggest. Again, I had to wean myself away from that (caffeine) but I replaced it with fizzy, flavoured mineral waters. It really did the trick, I was still getting the carbonated sensation in my mouth but I was consuming a fraction of the calories and still enjoying my fizzy drinks. Another useful tip.
Visual changes
So as we moved into the spring of 2006, I was starting to see the weight loss slow down somewhat. Perfectly understandable but I did not really hit any unbreakable plateaus. I can totally attribute this to the increasingly hard workouts I was doing. I went from being able to row for 5 minutes to rowing 20 at a time and my gym sessions were really starting to pay off. I recall that I really started noticing the weight loss in my face and shoulders. The soft layer of fat that had covered my collar bones was starting to disappear and, whilst getting ready for work one morning, I noticed there was some definition there. I could actually see my collar bones for the first time in years! Small steps but I felt really chuffed. My waist was shrinking as had my cloth size. I think I managed to drop 8 dress sizes in 9 months. Not bad going considering. I went from a UK size 24 (US 20) July 2005 down to a UK size 16 (US 12) by April of 2006. It proved to be a rather costly process, I had to keep down sizing my wardrobe but that was a small price to pay for the effects I was seeing.
People I had not seen for ages were shocked when they bumped into me. Some people even walked straight past me, deeming me totally unrecognisable. The nasty, fat comments had stopped and I even started to get some compliments. I cannot describe how much better I felt, my complexion was clearer, my energy levels were higher and I wanted to go out and socialise, be more active and enjoy life again. It was such a relief.
What I have written thus far in this post really does not do the hard work justice, I don't think a books worth of explaination could truly represent what I went through. It was bloody hard at times and I cannot tell you the number of occassions I could have happily jacked it in. I am fortunate in that I am incredibly stubborn and determined, when I put my mind to something I can really push out all the stops to achieve goals I set myself. Much of the emotion I felt was anger with myself, anger that I had allowed things to get so dire, anger that I had wasted most of my twenties (essentially the prime of my life) being fat and hiding away from the world. I felt like I had awoken from some strange, hypnotic state. I could stand back and totally see the extent of what I had done to my body.
In the next post I will describe how the weight loss continued and how my body really started to change. Had I not exercised the way I did, I really don't believe that I would be where I am today. More of that later....
I just hope this gives you a snippet of insight into what it was like
G'nite!
Rainy xxx
What is even crazier is that most of us know what we need to do to lose weight the healthy, natural way but it seems that half the time our rational, logical heads crash out of the window just when we need them most. If we are fully realistic then we should realise that healthy weight loss takes time and a bucket load of patience. The calculations are pretty simple on the whole and can be applied to most (but not all;) input vs output.
As an interjection to this post, I wanted to share with you my before and after vital stats. This gives you an idea of how much my body shape changed.
July 2005
Bust 44"
Waist 38"
Hips 56"
January 2011
Bust 35"
Waist 24 "
Hips 36"
We really do live in a 'I want it yesterday' culture and I think that can be partly attributed to the impatience we have with losing weight the au naturel way. I don't want you thinking I am getting on my high horse, I myself have not dieted sensibly historically, at least prior to my big weight loss. I have broken every rule in the book; purging (bulimia), starving myself, obsessively exercising. I have been to Weight Watchers, tried Slim Fast and none of these things have worked. Sure, I would drop some weight in the first few months but that kind of unbalanced diet will bite you in the butt eventually. I was your classic yo yo dieter; lose 10 pounds gain 20 back.
The penny dropped in 2005 and reality hit home, FINALLY. I had reached such an excessive weight that I could not afford to sabotage any weight loss success by not doing things in a measured and controlled way. Thanks goodness personal experience had taught me that 'extreme' dieting does not work. I knew it was make or break, the weight gain was in free fall and I felt like I had to reign it in otherwise I would be in serious trouble.
THE change
Healthy eating was a whole new world to me. At 301 pounds, I decided to plan how I was going to tackle the loss in a sustainable way. No more fannying around! My body had become a burden, this biological vessel was sinking and I wanted to abandon ship.
So I did some reading and armed myself with information. My knowledge of calorie intake and nutrition has always been pretty sound (ironically enough) although you would have not known it prior to 2006.
I structured an eating plan that would see me reduce my daily intake to 1500 calories initially. Considering I had been topping 3,000 some days, this was a dramatic reduction. I was mindful that I had to make sure the calories I did have were useful ones that would keep me full so I was less likely to crave the sweet, fatty, calorific foods I had been so accustomed to. I was careful to include porridge for breakfast, brown carbs for dinner (brown rice or pasta) with protein such as fish or chicken. Lunch would be a salad of some description ( always with a little bit of protein in there) and nuts.
I would snack on fruit and nuts If I felt at all peckish. For the first 6 months I was very strict, in my mind it is better to have no temptation at all and go cold turkey, at least for a while. For the first few months I was dropping impressive amounts of weight, around 22 pounds or so in one month alone. I think some of this was the release of fluid retention which is common. Along with the healthier eating, I had started to exercise from the first day I committed really. It started with 2 mile bike rides (at a very slow pace), gym sessions that consisted of walking on the treadmill, rowing and cycling and also walks around my local area, 3 times a week. This carried on for a few months as I did suffer some acute joint pain to begin with, not surprising considering the load that was impacting my joints couple with my hyper mobility condition.
Frustration
I distinctly remember one occassion where I was doing my 3 mile circuit walk. I must have been a month or so into the weight loss and I had got to the mile long hill that was in the middle of the route. Half way up and I started to cry. I can remember I found that hill incredibly hard going at the best of times, my heart would pound out of my chest, my calves would burn with lactic acid and the sweat poured down my face and back. I stood there in the rain and wept. I felt so frustrated, I thought about giving up and not bothering. I recall looking down at my massive thighs and feeling desperate for things to change quicker than they were. Patience Lorraine, Rome was not built in a day! I cannot really see why I was feeling so down, the weight had been coming off steadily and I had started to see a difference but I think it had all caught up with me. Nevertheless, I dug deep and plugged away. The commitment required to lose that kind of weight is pretty epic. There were so many occassions I could have screamed through sheer tiredness, frustration and disgust at myself but there was no room for self pity. I fully accepted it was my fault and my fault alone so it was down to ME to sort it out.
Getting there
After 6 months or so, I had dropped down from 301 pounds to around 215 pounds and I think that first 6 months saw the biggest weight loss in terms of dropping fat. It took a further 3 months of continuing the 1500 calories a day and regular exercise for me to really start seeing a difference in my body shape. As the exercise began to take effect, my cardio vascular system improved and so the walks lengthened and the gym sessions became tougher. Naturally I was responding to my increasing fitness levels and was pushing things harder without really realising. After 6 months I also relaxed the diet a bit and started to introduce treats back into the mix. I allowed myself one take away a week, on a Friday. I could have a chinese, indian or even a kebab but I made sure I chose healthier options from the menu....yes, it is possible! Instead of battered chicken I would go for boiled and instead of egg fried rice I would go for boiled rice. I looked forward to my little treats on a Friday and it meant that I did not feel so cheated out of the foods that had got me to 301 pounds in the first place. I still say that complete deprivation leads to failure...eventually. Don't deny yourself the things you like, just be sensible about it.
Gastronomic heroine
Weaning yourself off junk food is like weaning yourself off a drug in many respects. The body becomes accustomed to sugar and fat and so cutting that out of the diet can leave you craving the quick fix energy you would usually get. BUT the body does get used to it. I found that, after those first 6 months, my cravings for sugar had all but died a death. Initially, I did find it hard but I tried to supplement the chocolate and candy with grapes and strawberries. It did work although I suffered some withdrawl symptoms in the form of mood swings and tiredness. I remember the tipping point was when I walked into a local shop and saw my favourite sweets and chocolate bars in their shiny, inviting wrappers. I had absolutely no desire to buy one, instead choosing a bottle of flavoured mineral water. Which reminds me, I knocked back criminal amounts of coca cola when I was at my biggest. Again, I had to wean myself away from that (caffeine) but I replaced it with fizzy, flavoured mineral waters. It really did the trick, I was still getting the carbonated sensation in my mouth but I was consuming a fraction of the calories and still enjoying my fizzy drinks. Another useful tip.
Visual changes
So as we moved into the spring of 2006, I was starting to see the weight loss slow down somewhat. Perfectly understandable but I did not really hit any unbreakable plateaus. I can totally attribute this to the increasingly hard workouts I was doing. I went from being able to row for 5 minutes to rowing 20 at a time and my gym sessions were really starting to pay off. I recall that I really started noticing the weight loss in my face and shoulders. The soft layer of fat that had covered my collar bones was starting to disappear and, whilst getting ready for work one morning, I noticed there was some definition there. I could actually see my collar bones for the first time in years! Small steps but I felt really chuffed. My waist was shrinking as had my cloth size. I think I managed to drop 8 dress sizes in 9 months. Not bad going considering. I went from a UK size 24 (US 20) July 2005 down to a UK size 16 (US 12) by April of 2006. It proved to be a rather costly process, I had to keep down sizing my wardrobe but that was a small price to pay for the effects I was seeing.
People I had not seen for ages were shocked when they bumped into me. Some people even walked straight past me, deeming me totally unrecognisable. The nasty, fat comments had stopped and I even started to get some compliments. I cannot describe how much better I felt, my complexion was clearer, my energy levels were higher and I wanted to go out and socialise, be more active and enjoy life again. It was such a relief.
What I have written thus far in this post really does not do the hard work justice, I don't think a books worth of explaination could truly represent what I went through. It was bloody hard at times and I cannot tell you the number of occassions I could have happily jacked it in. I am fortunate in that I am incredibly stubborn and determined, when I put my mind to something I can really push out all the stops to achieve goals I set myself. Much of the emotion I felt was anger with myself, anger that I had allowed things to get so dire, anger that I had wasted most of my twenties (essentially the prime of my life) being fat and hiding away from the world. I felt like I had awoken from some strange, hypnotic state. I could stand back and totally see the extent of what I had done to my body.
In the next post I will describe how the weight loss continued and how my body really started to change. Had I not exercised the way I did, I really don't believe that I would be where I am today. More of that later....
I just hope this gives you a snippet of insight into what it was like
G'nite!
Rainy xxx
Tuesday 25 October 2011
It's what is on the inside that counts
Beauty is only skin deep, we merely scratch the surface of a person when we look at them. Visual beauty can mean different things to different people; attractive eyes, full lips, luscious hair, slim figure, curvy figure, large boobs, small boobs, manly arms, portly physique, muscly thighs. You catch my drift? Living in an image obsessed society and amongst a media that portrays beauty as this unrealistic, unachievable, flawless perfection presents problems. Everywhere you look, girls and guys peer back from the glossy pages of magazines, air brushed to within an inch of their life and totally misrepresenting reality. So many of us are exposed to an unseen but tangible pressure to aspire to this distortion.
In my mind, imperfections are what make us beautiful, little foibles in looks that set us aside from one another. How boring would the world be if we all looked like we had just stepped off of a catwalk. Ugh, that would be intensely dull. Every person walking this earth has something visually beautiful about them, I believe that and see it everyday.
It is in our nature to judge each other on initial appearance, we look and see every waking hour and so everyone we come across fall into that line of sight. There is a theory that we look for a partner who we feel are on the same level of attractiveness as us. We do this subconsciously apparently. Scientific studies have been conducted that prove we are attracted to people with balanced, symmetrical faces. So symmetry = visual beauty !
It's not the surface, it's what is in the interior
Of course the physical attractiveness can only get you so far. As we get to know a person, we delve deeper and learn about them, what makes them tick. Looks fade, personality doesn't. I have met people throughout my life that may not be deemed beautiful or handsome to look at but who exude confidence, charisma, wit and self assuredness. This is far more alluring and durable than a person who has a pretty face and great body but little in the way of character.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, it is also about how we carry ourselves. Body language is a fascinating subject and something that has been proven to affect the way we behave toward one another. People who are self conscious, paranoid and self aware might slouch their shoulders, drag their feet and deter others from approaching them. Conversely, someone who has a confident stride, a spring in their step and head held high are going to draw others into their space. Believe me, I have inadvertently tried and tested this myself!
Fat is not deemed attractive, pretty or beautiful in this vain society we inhabit. Fat is often seen as gross, ugly, a sign that someone has let themselves go. You don't see fat models on the majority of cat walks, you don't see fat people on bill boards or in magazines. I think it is a sad sign of the times that we place so much emphasis on physical looks. There are some stunningly attractive, curvaceous people out there.
Let's face it, it is all about confidence. It is a powerful trait and one that gets you far in life. Confidence can give you a ticket into almost anything.
Looks shouldn't really factor, we are all made of the same stuff it is just that we are formed slightly differently from one another.
A beautiful person has that beauty for a limited amount of time. A confident, vivacious person has that confidence indefinitely.
A relatively short one tonight, just another muse!
My next post will outline what I did to drop the weight both with my diet and my exercise. I hope this can offer some tips to those of you out there trying out different methods of losing weight...
Rainy xxx
In my mind, imperfections are what make us beautiful, little foibles in looks that set us aside from one another. How boring would the world be if we all looked like we had just stepped off of a catwalk. Ugh, that would be intensely dull. Every person walking this earth has something visually beautiful about them, I believe that and see it everyday.
It is in our nature to judge each other on initial appearance, we look and see every waking hour and so everyone we come across fall into that line of sight. There is a theory that we look for a partner who we feel are on the same level of attractiveness as us. We do this subconsciously apparently. Scientific studies have been conducted that prove we are attracted to people with balanced, symmetrical faces. So symmetry = visual beauty !
It's not the surface, it's what is in the interior
Of course the physical attractiveness can only get you so far. As we get to know a person, we delve deeper and learn about them, what makes them tick. Looks fade, personality doesn't. I have met people throughout my life that may not be deemed beautiful or handsome to look at but who exude confidence, charisma, wit and self assuredness. This is far more alluring and durable than a person who has a pretty face and great body but little in the way of character.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, it is also about how we carry ourselves. Body language is a fascinating subject and something that has been proven to affect the way we behave toward one another. People who are self conscious, paranoid and self aware might slouch their shoulders, drag their feet and deter others from approaching them. Conversely, someone who has a confident stride, a spring in their step and head held high are going to draw others into their space. Believe me, I have inadvertently tried and tested this myself!
Fat is not deemed attractive, pretty or beautiful in this vain society we inhabit. Fat is often seen as gross, ugly, a sign that someone has let themselves go. You don't see fat models on the majority of cat walks, you don't see fat people on bill boards or in magazines. I think it is a sad sign of the times that we place so much emphasis on physical looks. There are some stunningly attractive, curvaceous people out there.
Let's face it, it is all about confidence. It is a powerful trait and one that gets you far in life. Confidence can give you a ticket into almost anything.
Looks shouldn't really factor, we are all made of the same stuff it is just that we are formed slightly differently from one another.
A beautiful person has that beauty for a limited amount of time. A confident, vivacious person has that confidence indefinitely.
A relatively short one tonight, just another muse!
My next post will outline what I did to drop the weight both with my diet and my exercise. I hope this can offer some tips to those of you out there trying out different methods of losing weight...
Rainy xxx
Sunday 23 October 2011
Admitting who I used to be
Did everyone have a nice Sunday? The night's are drawing in now and our clocks go back an hour as of next weekend so another hour of darkness blah! I need to get me a UV lamp for the next 5 months of winter!
I am now on the cusp of entering my fourth year of maintenance. Four years of being fitter and healthier, the memories of my fat body are edging away as each days passes. I will never ever forget the old me, how can I? I cannot deny the past and that unhappy, fat person certainly made an impact on me that will stay with me forever. She shaped who I am today. I am grateful to her in so many ways, despite that fat girl being depressive and sometimes victimised, she kept her dignity throughout and rarely dragged herself down to the level where her tormentors sat.
When I was at my largest, I spent a lot of time dreaming about being slimmer. The envy I felt of smaller people was suffocating at times. I would have done anything to have a fairy god mother wave a magic wand and remove the lard from my heavily laden physique.
There was no great escape from the chunk immediately, not even Harry Houdini could have staged such an impossible feat. But that unrelenting thought followed me everywhere, what a release and relief it would be to look and feel slimmer. What would it feel like? Would it really change my life? How would I look? I clung onto that dream throughout, only when I realised that my destiny was fully in my own hands did I finally do something about it. I knew that pills, shakes, starvation were not going to work. This time I would do it the right way, I owed my body that.
So the journey continues and will for the rest of my days. They sat that an ex smoker or drinker will always be an ex smoker and drinker, the vulnerability of returning to that vice is so much more heightened when you have that dependency before. It is no different with food.
Instead of being that fat girl looking ahead and wondering how it would feel to be slim, I am now that slimmer girl looking back and remembering what it felt like to be fat. As I started seriously with this blog (a work in progress whose words were first penned 4 years ago) I was forced to face up to my fat existence again. By making my journey public, I have moved forward with the emotional recovery even moreso. And it is recovery, I have been so preoccupied with the physical aspects of my dramatic loss that I have neglected to heal myself from the trials I have put my head through. My mind has been chock a block with self deprication, taunts, shame, determination, endurance...
Sounds heavy right? It is not meant to be, I have reaped so many rewards from this process but there are things I have not addressed, emotional barriers that I am finally crossing and the candidness I share with you here is assisting greatly with this.
Please may I introduce you to the old me...
My work colleagues have only known me as I am now, they know no different. I have outlined my weight loss to a couple of them but it is not common knowledge. Up until now, part of me felt that the fat person I once was is not someone I wanted to introduce them to. What would that achieve? They know me for who I am now and that is it. Perhaps I was ashamed of who I was, perhaps I was fearful that they would judge me because I allowed my weight to get so out of control? I am the same person I was then; had you put me in a room with them 6 years ago I still would have had my humour, adeptness at talking nonsense, ability to listen and share. The only difference now is I carry myself differently, confidence is transforming.
Perhaps I simply didn't tell them before because I felt like I would appear to be drawing attention to myself.
The other day and for the first time, I shared my fat picture with them. Understandably, they were shocked. My good friend even asked, 'who is that ?' initially.
I enlightened them to a synopsis of my story, their mouths were agog as I furnished them with the weight loss statistics. Hearing myself go over the numbers, I realise it does sound pretty crazy. Most of them reacted with things like, 'I would never have thought it','You look so much better, do you feel different?', 'What made you gain so much weight?' That last one is tricky to answer. Over eating and laziness are the most obvious answers but there was a lot more to it than that. it encompassed a very stressful, family related problem that saw me seek solace in the destructive hold of a food obsession that was over whelming.
So my secret is out! :) Telling them was a huge step for me, being able to comfortably go over what I have managed to achieve is rather liberating. I do feel like I have overcome a hurdle by sharing it with my work mates. Equally, I have found writing this blog very therapeutic and each entry is another small piece of the old me healing.
What are you trying to say?
You often hear people who do lose weight saying that they receive compliments from those around them who have noticed the change. It is always lovely to get a compliment and they should be embraced. What I have noticed some observationists say is 'Oh you look so much better' and similar comments. Without them meaning it to be, this is a bit of a back handed compliment don't you think? Were you insinuating I was rough before? Perhaps I am being over sensitive. In fact, I don't think that is a perhaps, it is a certainty!
Nevertheless, who wouldn't comment on such a physical change? I have looked on various weight loss/ support forums and seen some incredible before and after pictures. I love seeing other people's achievements and I think I have a special understanding and kinship with anyone who has had to battle the demons I have.
Here's to us! The people out there who REALLY know what it is like to suffer at the hands of obesity
Rainy xxx
I am now on the cusp of entering my fourth year of maintenance. Four years of being fitter and healthier, the memories of my fat body are edging away as each days passes. I will never ever forget the old me, how can I? I cannot deny the past and that unhappy, fat person certainly made an impact on me that will stay with me forever. She shaped who I am today. I am grateful to her in so many ways, despite that fat girl being depressive and sometimes victimised, she kept her dignity throughout and rarely dragged herself down to the level where her tormentors sat.
When I was at my largest, I spent a lot of time dreaming about being slimmer. The envy I felt of smaller people was suffocating at times. I would have done anything to have a fairy god mother wave a magic wand and remove the lard from my heavily laden physique.
There was no great escape from the chunk immediately, not even Harry Houdini could have staged such an impossible feat. But that unrelenting thought followed me everywhere, what a release and relief it would be to look and feel slimmer. What would it feel like? Would it really change my life? How would I look? I clung onto that dream throughout, only when I realised that my destiny was fully in my own hands did I finally do something about it. I knew that pills, shakes, starvation were not going to work. This time I would do it the right way, I owed my body that.
So the journey continues and will for the rest of my days. They sat that an ex smoker or drinker will always be an ex smoker and drinker, the vulnerability of returning to that vice is so much more heightened when you have that dependency before. It is no different with food.
Instead of being that fat girl looking ahead and wondering how it would feel to be slim, I am now that slimmer girl looking back and remembering what it felt like to be fat. As I started seriously with this blog (a work in progress whose words were first penned 4 years ago) I was forced to face up to my fat existence again. By making my journey public, I have moved forward with the emotional recovery even moreso. And it is recovery, I have been so preoccupied with the physical aspects of my dramatic loss that I have neglected to heal myself from the trials I have put my head through. My mind has been chock a block with self deprication, taunts, shame, determination, endurance...
Sounds heavy right? It is not meant to be, I have reaped so many rewards from this process but there are things I have not addressed, emotional barriers that I am finally crossing and the candidness I share with you here is assisting greatly with this.
Please may I introduce you to the old me...
My work colleagues have only known me as I am now, they know no different. I have outlined my weight loss to a couple of them but it is not common knowledge. Up until now, part of me felt that the fat person I once was is not someone I wanted to introduce them to. What would that achieve? They know me for who I am now and that is it. Perhaps I was ashamed of who I was, perhaps I was fearful that they would judge me because I allowed my weight to get so out of control? I am the same person I was then; had you put me in a room with them 6 years ago I still would have had my humour, adeptness at talking nonsense, ability to listen and share. The only difference now is I carry myself differently, confidence is transforming.
Perhaps I simply didn't tell them before because I felt like I would appear to be drawing attention to myself.
The other day and for the first time, I shared my fat picture with them. Understandably, they were shocked. My good friend even asked, 'who is that ?' initially.
I enlightened them to a synopsis of my story, their mouths were agog as I furnished them with the weight loss statistics. Hearing myself go over the numbers, I realise it does sound pretty crazy. Most of them reacted with things like, 'I would never have thought it','You look so much better, do you feel different?', 'What made you gain so much weight?' That last one is tricky to answer. Over eating and laziness are the most obvious answers but there was a lot more to it than that. it encompassed a very stressful, family related problem that saw me seek solace in the destructive hold of a food obsession that was over whelming.
So my secret is out! :) Telling them was a huge step for me, being able to comfortably go over what I have managed to achieve is rather liberating. I do feel like I have overcome a hurdle by sharing it with my work mates. Equally, I have found writing this blog very therapeutic and each entry is another small piece of the old me healing.
What are you trying to say?
You often hear people who do lose weight saying that they receive compliments from those around them who have noticed the change. It is always lovely to get a compliment and they should be embraced. What I have noticed some observationists say is 'Oh you look so much better' and similar comments. Without them meaning it to be, this is a bit of a back handed compliment don't you think? Were you insinuating I was rough before? Perhaps I am being over sensitive. In fact, I don't think that is a perhaps, it is a certainty!
Nevertheless, who wouldn't comment on such a physical change? I have looked on various weight loss/ support forums and seen some incredible before and after pictures. I love seeing other people's achievements and I think I have a special understanding and kinship with anyone who has had to battle the demons I have.
Here's to us! The people out there who REALLY know what it is like to suffer at the hands of obesity
Rainy xxx
Saturday 22 October 2011
Quick fix society - can we really take short cuts?
It has been a few days since I last posted; car purchasing, annual leave from work and eating like food is going out of fashion have proven to be a large feature of my life this weekend. But the urge to write is upon me once again...
I decided to indulge my love of trashy magazines yesterday and bought Reveal (a fairly popular publication in the UK albeit much of the content centres around inane 'z' list celebrity nonsense.) There are some real life articles contained within and I came across one about a 336 pounds lady who had a gastric bypass operation and is now a worrying 84 pounds and perilously close to suffering heart failure. It transpires that whoever had performed the procedure had narrowed her stomach too much and, as a potentially deadly result, her body rejects food. She is literally starving to death so she is now hooked up to a drip that is pumping her failing body with the crucial vitamin and calories she needs. Apparently 1 in every 200 procedures has the potential to have complications.
Having lost my weight the natural way, it would be easy for me to sit here at this moment in time and pass judgement about this seemingly barbaric last resort. I know those feelings of gut wrenching desperation that can constantly plague a person when they are obese. You don't know where to start, the awful realisation sinks in that losing the weight will be arduous and time consuming. It does take a massive amount of will power and determination to stick with it. There is no overnight or quick solution as we know, even having a gastric bypass has far reaching repercussions on the patients body and lifestyle.
Imagine not being able to have a large meal ever again? Sitting down on a special occasion, letting your hair down and splurging. We have all done it, there is something deliciously naughty about it, especially if it becomes a rare treat rather than the norm. Once a gastric bypass operation has been performed, you are not physically able to take on anymore than a small cups worth of food at any sitting. You soon know if you have had too much as you will be reaquainted with that food as you vomit.
Is this to become a standard procedure I wonder? A procedure that is available to people who could lose the weight themselves, assuming they are given the support they need? I totally advocate it for the super morbidly obese, people whose bodies no longer functional in terms of exercise and people who are close to suffering serious medical complications because of their weight. I would just hate to see this kind of drastic action being abused in any way. Of course, it is ultimately down to the health professionals to draw up strict and controlled guidelines as to how they manage the requirement for this surgery and who should and should not be sanctioned it. I think that our doctors and health professionals really should focus more time and investment on weight loss coaching, perhaps this can be a better option within our doctors practices? Heavier people SHOULD have somewhere else to turn.
The implications are far reaching for the patients who do go ahead with the surgery. It helps them lose the weight but the sacrifices are massive and the recovery is prolonged in terms of retraining themselves to eat smaller portions and realising that gorging large meals is no longer an option.
Do we know if there are any physiological side effects? Only time will tell I guess but bariatric surgery is firmly in the public eye now. Raised awareness of it's existence means that more people will consider it as a resolution to their weight problems. I don't know whether it is the best way to go about such a life changing process for people who could do it naturally, should they be armed with the tools to do so.
Perhaps I am being short sighted? Nevertheless, as I said before, what works for one person might not for another. We are a mixed bunch, with that diversity comes different preferences and choices
R xxx
I decided to indulge my love of trashy magazines yesterday and bought Reveal (a fairly popular publication in the UK albeit much of the content centres around inane 'z' list celebrity nonsense.) There are some real life articles contained within and I came across one about a 336 pounds lady who had a gastric bypass operation and is now a worrying 84 pounds and perilously close to suffering heart failure. It transpires that whoever had performed the procedure had narrowed her stomach too much and, as a potentially deadly result, her body rejects food. She is literally starving to death so she is now hooked up to a drip that is pumping her failing body with the crucial vitamin and calories she needs. Apparently 1 in every 200 procedures has the potential to have complications.
Having lost my weight the natural way, it would be easy for me to sit here at this moment in time and pass judgement about this seemingly barbaric last resort. I know those feelings of gut wrenching desperation that can constantly plague a person when they are obese. You don't know where to start, the awful realisation sinks in that losing the weight will be arduous and time consuming. It does take a massive amount of will power and determination to stick with it. There is no overnight or quick solution as we know, even having a gastric bypass has far reaching repercussions on the patients body and lifestyle.
Imagine not being able to have a large meal ever again? Sitting down on a special occasion, letting your hair down and splurging. We have all done it, there is something deliciously naughty about it, especially if it becomes a rare treat rather than the norm. Once a gastric bypass operation has been performed, you are not physically able to take on anymore than a small cups worth of food at any sitting. You soon know if you have had too much as you will be reaquainted with that food as you vomit.
Is this to become a standard procedure I wonder? A procedure that is available to people who could lose the weight themselves, assuming they are given the support they need? I totally advocate it for the super morbidly obese, people whose bodies no longer functional in terms of exercise and people who are close to suffering serious medical complications because of their weight. I would just hate to see this kind of drastic action being abused in any way. Of course, it is ultimately down to the health professionals to draw up strict and controlled guidelines as to how they manage the requirement for this surgery and who should and should not be sanctioned it. I think that our doctors and health professionals really should focus more time and investment on weight loss coaching, perhaps this can be a better option within our doctors practices? Heavier people SHOULD have somewhere else to turn.
The implications are far reaching for the patients who do go ahead with the surgery. It helps them lose the weight but the sacrifices are massive and the recovery is prolonged in terms of retraining themselves to eat smaller portions and realising that gorging large meals is no longer an option.
Do we know if there are any physiological side effects? Only time will tell I guess but bariatric surgery is firmly in the public eye now. Raised awareness of it's existence means that more people will consider it as a resolution to their weight problems. I don't know whether it is the best way to go about such a life changing process for people who could do it naturally, should they be armed with the tools to do so.
Perhaps I am being short sighted? Nevertheless, as I said before, what works for one person might not for another. We are a mixed bunch, with that diversity comes different preferences and choices
R xxx
Sunday 16 October 2011
Being lonely and internet dating
I have noticed that there are lots of people around me who are settling down, getting engaged, starting families. Both my brothers are in long term relationships with one being happily married.
I am 32 years old now so I guess I am going to notice these things more than I did 10 years ago. I don't necessarily want the kiddies side of it but I would really like to meet someone again, I think it's nigh time after a few false starts. Mr 'almost right' is out there somewhere, getting on with his day and blissfully unaware I even exist.
Enough of that :) The reason for this post is to outline my experience of internet dating. I have tried it a few times and have had little success thus far. Had you asked me to post images of myself online 6 years ago, there would have been more chance of me agreeing to a sex change than advertising myself visually.
Dating in the cyber world
So you join a dating website and are asked to write a bit about yourself (hobbies, interests. you know the drill.) Every site I have looked at has listed a small piece of text stating you stand a much higher chance of success if you post at least one picture of yourself. Hmmmm ok, fair enough. It does make sense to some degree, we are visually driven creatures in many respects.
But I used to feel slightly uncomfortable with this. Now I have no problems with posting pictures of myself but under internet dating circumstances? I cannot help but feel it is like an internet based cattle market. Do I really want to be completely judged at first glance, just because of the way I look? No! The me of old was filled with terror at this prospect. Intrinsically it seems wrong but then I have since reminded myself that the same thing happens when you go to a bar or a club. I don't have a portfolio of my good points and personality traits that I can hand to potential suitors, you see someone you fancy and make the move. I guess internet dating picks that side of it up when you actually agree to meet. Will there or won't there be chemistry?
We all have a 'type', mine happens to be alpha males; rich, swollen wallet (ok I KID)
So tall (at least 6'0", does that make me heightest?), dark haired preferably, stocky/ sporty, intelligent, above all else witty. See, there are certainly some physical requirements in there.
Testing the water
So when I first reached my goal weight, I had been single for a fairly short period of time. Having exited an 8 year relationship and being 'taken' for most of my twenties, dating was a daunting prospect. Nevertheless, I found a suitable dating website and proceeded to fill out the obligatory profile information. It is never easy writing about yourself without it feeling ever so slightly cheesy, essentially the aim is to sell oneself. I found the whole thing bemusing but I completed my rather generic looking profile, picked a suitable picture (my best side on show) and clicked save. That was that, done. What now? I browsed through some other users profiles and decided to use the search function to narrow down my man. Star sign? Not bothered. Career? Not fussed. Hair colour? Hmmm bit trickier so I went for dark. Age? No younger than 25 and no older than 45. That should do it. The results of my search flashed up on the screen and I clicked through each picture. No too short, no lives too far away, no smokes, maybe, no, no. Brutal eh? The no's kept coming so I got bored and logged off. A couple of days later I logged back in, interested to see whether I had any messages. There were a few in there, mostly short sentences from men such as 'Hello gorgeous', 'how are you?', 'You out for some fun baby?' Grammatical errors were rife, an immediate turn off. I thought about updating my profile to read 'Only literate people please!' What a snob!
Bingo
But there was one message that sparked my interest. This chap had taken the time to construct more than one sentence and it was a sweet message, introducing himself, asking what I did for a living, how long had I been on the site? Any dating disasters so far? I snooped his profile and he looked lovely, just my type although he lived 40 miles away. No big shakes I guess. So I responded with a message answering his questions and also posed some of my own. Being suspicious initially, I wanted to ask, 'So how many women have you met on here?','Do you have a chainsaw, duct tape and a mask in your boot?' but the polite me sent something back that was far more sedate.
We exchanged messages for a few weeks and I certainly liked the sound if him. Compared to the inane one word messages I was getting from the sexual opportunists that seemed to stalk the site, this chap had potential. So the day came when he suggested we meet. It was a Friday and I replied, 'sure!' We exchanged phone numbers that afternoon and he soon text me, asking if I wanted to meet that evening? 'Hmmm took quick perhaps, blimey he's keen' flashed through my head but I liked the spontaneity of it so accepted. We agreed to meet half way between where we lived so decided on a pub 20 miles north of me.
I got in from work, quickly had a bath, changed and did my unruly hair. I must admit it was pretty nerve wracking and was I relieved to get a text from him an hour before we were due to rendezvous, stating he was nervous too and making sure I was not a nutter (he even referenced a chain saw ha ha). Phew! I liked that he was so honest and that disarmed me.
Crunch time
So I drove to the pub and was running 5 minutes late so my date had already arrived. I did not mind being a bit late, it spared me that nervous wait. As soon as I exited my car a dark figure approached me and I knew it was him. We exchanged a nervous kiss on each cheek and went into the pub. I am pretty good at meeting new people and can talk the arse off a donkey so I was not worried about the conversation, not unless he was mute. To my relief we got on straight away and proceeded to have a lovely meal, a right giggle and we got on well. He was just my type, perfect!
We stayed until closing time and then came that awkward moment, to kiss or not to kiss? He did the chivalrous thing and gave me a peck on the cheek followed by a warm hug.
Success! To cut a long story sheet we started dating and were together for 8 months. Unfortunately the distance proved tricky plus some other negatives interjected our budding romance so we cut our losses. Sad ending right? But it was a reassuring introduction to the internet dating game.
I have not replicated this since though, I have been on a few more dates but nothing has come of it. No doubt I will give it another go, I hear of many couples who meet online that end up together. There is hope for this thirty something single gal :)
L xx
I am 32 years old now so I guess I am going to notice these things more than I did 10 years ago. I don't necessarily want the kiddies side of it but I would really like to meet someone again, I think it's nigh time after a few false starts. Mr 'almost right' is out there somewhere, getting on with his day and blissfully unaware I even exist.
Enough of that :) The reason for this post is to outline my experience of internet dating. I have tried it a few times and have had little success thus far. Had you asked me to post images of myself online 6 years ago, there would have been more chance of me agreeing to a sex change than advertising myself visually.
Dating in the cyber world
So you join a dating website and are asked to write a bit about yourself (hobbies, interests. you know the drill.) Every site I have looked at has listed a small piece of text stating you stand a much higher chance of success if you post at least one picture of yourself. Hmmmm ok, fair enough. It does make sense to some degree, we are visually driven creatures in many respects.
But I used to feel slightly uncomfortable with this. Now I have no problems with posting pictures of myself but under internet dating circumstances? I cannot help but feel it is like an internet based cattle market. Do I really want to be completely judged at first glance, just because of the way I look? No! The me of old was filled with terror at this prospect. Intrinsically it seems wrong but then I have since reminded myself that the same thing happens when you go to a bar or a club. I don't have a portfolio of my good points and personality traits that I can hand to potential suitors, you see someone you fancy and make the move. I guess internet dating picks that side of it up when you actually agree to meet. Will there or won't there be chemistry?
We all have a 'type', mine happens to be alpha males; rich, swollen wallet (ok I KID)
So tall (at least 6'0", does that make me heightest?), dark haired preferably, stocky/ sporty, intelligent, above all else witty. See, there are certainly some physical requirements in there.
Testing the water
So when I first reached my goal weight, I had been single for a fairly short period of time. Having exited an 8 year relationship and being 'taken' for most of my twenties, dating was a daunting prospect. Nevertheless, I found a suitable dating website and proceeded to fill out the obligatory profile information. It is never easy writing about yourself without it feeling ever so slightly cheesy, essentially the aim is to sell oneself. I found the whole thing bemusing but I completed my rather generic looking profile, picked a suitable picture (my best side on show) and clicked save. That was that, done. What now? I browsed through some other users profiles and decided to use the search function to narrow down my man. Star sign? Not bothered. Career? Not fussed. Hair colour? Hmmm bit trickier so I went for dark. Age? No younger than 25 and no older than 45. That should do it. The results of my search flashed up on the screen and I clicked through each picture. No too short, no lives too far away, no smokes, maybe, no, no. Brutal eh? The no's kept coming so I got bored and logged off. A couple of days later I logged back in, interested to see whether I had any messages. There were a few in there, mostly short sentences from men such as 'Hello gorgeous', 'how are you?', 'You out for some fun baby?' Grammatical errors were rife, an immediate turn off. I thought about updating my profile to read 'Only literate people please!' What a snob!
Bingo
But there was one message that sparked my interest. This chap had taken the time to construct more than one sentence and it was a sweet message, introducing himself, asking what I did for a living, how long had I been on the site? Any dating disasters so far? I snooped his profile and he looked lovely, just my type although he lived 40 miles away. No big shakes I guess. So I responded with a message answering his questions and also posed some of my own. Being suspicious initially, I wanted to ask, 'So how many women have you met on here?','Do you have a chainsaw, duct tape and a mask in your boot?' but the polite me sent something back that was far more sedate.
We exchanged messages for a few weeks and I certainly liked the sound if him. Compared to the inane one word messages I was getting from the sexual opportunists that seemed to stalk the site, this chap had potential. So the day came when he suggested we meet. It was a Friday and I replied, 'sure!' We exchanged phone numbers that afternoon and he soon text me, asking if I wanted to meet that evening? 'Hmmm took quick perhaps, blimey he's keen' flashed through my head but I liked the spontaneity of it so accepted. We agreed to meet half way between where we lived so decided on a pub 20 miles north of me.
I got in from work, quickly had a bath, changed and did my unruly hair. I must admit it was pretty nerve wracking and was I relieved to get a text from him an hour before we were due to rendezvous, stating he was nervous too and making sure I was not a nutter (he even referenced a chain saw ha ha). Phew! I liked that he was so honest and that disarmed me.
Crunch time
So I drove to the pub and was running 5 minutes late so my date had already arrived. I did not mind being a bit late, it spared me that nervous wait. As soon as I exited my car a dark figure approached me and I knew it was him. We exchanged a nervous kiss on each cheek and went into the pub. I am pretty good at meeting new people and can talk the arse off a donkey so I was not worried about the conversation, not unless he was mute. To my relief we got on straight away and proceeded to have a lovely meal, a right giggle and we got on well. He was just my type, perfect!
We stayed until closing time and then came that awkward moment, to kiss or not to kiss? He did the chivalrous thing and gave me a peck on the cheek followed by a warm hug.
Success! To cut a long story sheet we started dating and were together for 8 months. Unfortunately the distance proved tricky plus some other negatives interjected our budding romance so we cut our losses. Sad ending right? But it was a reassuring introduction to the internet dating game.
I have not replicated this since though, I have been on a few more dates but nothing has come of it. No doubt I will give it another go, I hear of many couples who meet online that end up together. There is hope for this thirty something single gal :)
L xx
A request
It is 03:00 and I cannot sleep. Do you ever get nights where you brain whirs so loudly that it is impossible to ignore? I have never been big on sleep, it is rare for me to sleep right through the night without disruptions. I doubt I get passed the REM stage but the bonus of this sketchy pattern is that some of my most productive writing is done whilst the rest of the country lies tucked up in bed, unconscious rest at it's climax.
What I wanted to do is pass the baton across to the readers. Does anyone feel comfortable enough to answer the following questions? I am assuming you have found your way to my blog because you have either had a weight problem historically or are trying to drop the pounds at the moment. If there are people reading who just have an interest and have never suffered a weight problem, I apologise for not aiming this at you.
You can respond by leaving a comment and can do so anonymously, should you want to retain your anonymity.
1. How much do you have to lose? (for those who have reached goal, how much have you lost?)
2. What is your main reason for wanting to lose weight?
3. What is your most poignant memory of being overweight?
4. Can you identify why you gained weight in the first place?
5. What is the most ineffective diet you have ever tried?
Thanks in advance for answering any of the questions, I really want to find out a bit more about the people reading this :) Your response will not appear straight away as I have to manually authorise comments to ensure spammers leave me alone and dont start posting links to viagra distributors but I do look forward to hearing from you.
I am bleating on about everything but realise that anyone who is taking time out of their day to read my blog are probably mostly people who share a unique bond with me; fellow fat fighters.
Yawn, ok so now I try and get some kip. Sleep attempt take 4!
L xxx
What I wanted to do is pass the baton across to the readers. Does anyone feel comfortable enough to answer the following questions? I am assuming you have found your way to my blog because you have either had a weight problem historically or are trying to drop the pounds at the moment. If there are people reading who just have an interest and have never suffered a weight problem, I apologise for not aiming this at you.
You can respond by leaving a comment and can do so anonymously, should you want to retain your anonymity.
1. How much do you have to lose? (for those who have reached goal, how much have you lost?)
2. What is your main reason for wanting to lose weight?
3. What is your most poignant memory of being overweight?
4. Can you identify why you gained weight in the first place?
5. What is the most ineffective diet you have ever tried?
Thanks in advance for answering any of the questions, I really want to find out a bit more about the people reading this :) Your response will not appear straight away as I have to manually authorise comments to ensure spammers leave me alone and dont start posting links to viagra distributors but I do look forward to hearing from you.
I am bleating on about everything but realise that anyone who is taking time out of their day to read my blog are probably mostly people who share a unique bond with me; fellow fat fighters.
Yawn, ok so now I try and get some kip. Sleep attempt take 4!
L xxx
...and now for something completely different
Some rhyming verse about the fat curse
As I ate and I ate my body slowly expanded left and right
surely any kind of growth should only happen with height?
My burden got heavy, my problems grew with my size
to stop the weight adding, that would have been wise
instead I helped it along by eating everything in sight
I could have nurtured my health, against my greed I could fight
finally it happened one day, I changed the course of my life
by accepting I had a problem, I managed to get out of strife
Smaller body I now own, fitness came back to stay
no more weighty torture for me, the black cloud has now gone away
As I ate and I ate my body slowly expanded left and right
surely any kind of growth should only happen with height?
My burden got heavy, my problems grew with my size
to stop the weight adding, that would have been wise
instead I helped it along by eating everything in sight
I could have nurtured my health, against my greed I could fight
finally it happened one day, I changed the course of my life
by accepting I had a problem, I managed to get out of strife
Smaller body I now own, fitness came back to stay
no more weighty torture for me, the black cloud has now gone away
OK so it is not to John Betjeman's standards but a light hearted break from the norm :)
xx
Saturday 15 October 2011
Does being thinner really equal happiness?
I have asked myself this question many a time over the past 3 years since I reached my goal weight. Happiness means different things to different people. You can be overweight but have a happy marriage, loving family and be completely fulfilled. Being thinner is certainly not the be all and end all and is very much dependent on what a person wants out of life.
Did I think that by losing weight and clawing my health and my body back, that it would cure me of my troubles and ills? I guess I cannot really answer yes or no to my title question. Losing weight has had so many benefits. I can move around freely now, I have no aches and pains, my blood pressure is considered to be within the normal range, my skin is better, I can exercise and push my body hard, my confidence has been restored. (Sorry if I have reiterated things there that I have gone over before.) Confidence comes from within though and I would never suggest that a person has to be slim to be confident. We all come in different shapes and sizes, what's right for one person might not necessarily be right for another.
Whilst you are absorbed in the loss phase, I don't think there is enough time to consider how it will change your life once the weight is off. I can categorically confirm it does change things and take some adjusting to.
Invariably there are things in my life that do still get me down, I guess I would be in denial if I claimed that everything is rosy! Then again we all have problems and worries, I guess I can focus on the environmental ones now the personal weighty ones are under control.
Sacrifice
I know that the experience I have gone through the last 10 years has taken a lot out of me and those around me. I am very fortunate to have loving friends and family who have been SO supportive throughout my larger days and the subsequent weight loss process. They have watched me train like a demon, put myself through punishing physical challenges, struggle with the relationship I had with food, initially cry through frustration when I hit a plateau or had down days. As we all know, losing weight can be draining; physically, mentally and emotionally. This can emulate itself on those around you.
Moving on
At this point in my life I am thinner yes, I have my health and I am the fittest I have probably ever been but I am having a job meeting the right man. Singledom has mostly reigned for 2 years now and I am ready for a relationship (I think!) despite outlining my ongoing paranoias in a previous post. Put me back to when I was 301 pounds and I was in a supportive, long term relationship with a man who loved me unconditionally despite the state I was in with body angst and possible mild depression due to the obesity.
I changed so much when I lost the weight, looking back this terminally crippled my relationship and drove the final nails in the proverbial coffin. I do feel guilty about that whole time period, my man was so supportive and never once berated me or cajouled me about my weight. There were obvious issues with our relationship that were heightened and brought to the fore front as I changed; the cracks widened into ravines.
Reflecting on this now, I don't regret the split. He is very happy and engaged to a lovely girl.
You often hear of this happening between couples when one person experiences a dramatic weight loss, he and I must be part of a statistic somewhere!
Quite honestly I think the changes I have gone through have been so dramatic that I have had to learn how to be this new version of myself and that takes time (2 years apparently :) ). That is perhaps why the relationship has not happened yet.
Another post to add to the collection!
If anyone reading this feels they need any support, a shoulder to cry or even advice, please do feel free to email me. Having experienced what I have, I would like the chance to share the burden with those people who are currently immersed in weight loss. I made be just a little bit ahead of you but every step of the journey is as clear as if it happened yesterday.
lossforlife@yahoo.co.uk
Good night all
L xxx
Did I think that by losing weight and clawing my health and my body back, that it would cure me of my troubles and ills? I guess I cannot really answer yes or no to my title question. Losing weight has had so many benefits. I can move around freely now, I have no aches and pains, my blood pressure is considered to be within the normal range, my skin is better, I can exercise and push my body hard, my confidence has been restored. (Sorry if I have reiterated things there that I have gone over before.) Confidence comes from within though and I would never suggest that a person has to be slim to be confident. We all come in different shapes and sizes, what's right for one person might not necessarily be right for another.
Whilst you are absorbed in the loss phase, I don't think there is enough time to consider how it will change your life once the weight is off. I can categorically confirm it does change things and take some adjusting to.
Invariably there are things in my life that do still get me down, I guess I would be in denial if I claimed that everything is rosy! Then again we all have problems and worries, I guess I can focus on the environmental ones now the personal weighty ones are under control.
Sacrifice
I know that the experience I have gone through the last 10 years has taken a lot out of me and those around me. I am very fortunate to have loving friends and family who have been SO supportive throughout my larger days and the subsequent weight loss process. They have watched me train like a demon, put myself through punishing physical challenges, struggle with the relationship I had with food, initially cry through frustration when I hit a plateau or had down days. As we all know, losing weight can be draining; physically, mentally and emotionally. This can emulate itself on those around you.
Moving on
At this point in my life I am thinner yes, I have my health and I am the fittest I have probably ever been but I am having a job meeting the right man. Singledom has mostly reigned for 2 years now and I am ready for a relationship (I think!) despite outlining my ongoing paranoias in a previous post. Put me back to when I was 301 pounds and I was in a supportive, long term relationship with a man who loved me unconditionally despite the state I was in with body angst and possible mild depression due to the obesity.
I changed so much when I lost the weight, looking back this terminally crippled my relationship and drove the final nails in the proverbial coffin. I do feel guilty about that whole time period, my man was so supportive and never once berated me or cajouled me about my weight. There were obvious issues with our relationship that were heightened and brought to the fore front as I changed; the cracks widened into ravines.
Reflecting on this now, I don't regret the split. He is very happy and engaged to a lovely girl.
You often hear of this happening between couples when one person experiences a dramatic weight loss, he and I must be part of a statistic somewhere!
Quite honestly I think the changes I have gone through have been so dramatic that I have had to learn how to be this new version of myself and that takes time (2 years apparently :) ). That is perhaps why the relationship has not happened yet.
Another post to add to the collection!
If anyone reading this feels they need any support, a shoulder to cry or even advice, please do feel free to email me. Having experienced what I have, I would like the chance to share the burden with those people who are currently immersed in weight loss. I made be just a little bit ahead of you but every step of the journey is as clear as if it happened yesterday.
lossforlife@yahoo.co.uk
Good night all
L xxx
Friday 14 October 2011
Fattism is alive and well
Our society is desensitised more than it has ever been before, it seems that there are no limitations on anything anymore; violence, pornography, language, lifestyle, substance abuse, obesity. We are bombarded with these things daily, whether we hear about them in the news, read about them in the newspapers or see them on the internet. If you want to see or hear about it, it is within reach through these international mediums. The world and all it's wacky, perverse, fascinating, disturbing, wonderful, scary elements is at our finger tips, we don't even have to leave the house. It really is a 'no holds barred' society we live in these days.
Our TV channels are saturated with programmes about obesity, as a society we are armed with more information and awareness on the subject than ever before. The reason for this? It touches more of our lives. With an estimated 50% of Brits estimated to be overweight now, the Government is trying to drive a weight loss revolution. It is not healthy to carry too much excess weight, we know that. It has been recognised and documented that obesity related illnesses are costing the National Health Service millions of pounds a year and this figure is likely to rise significantly in the future.
In the UK, we are given government guidelines as to how many calories Mr and Mrs 'Average' should be having a day. The new calorie recommendations say that men can now eat around 2,605 calories of food every day, while women can eat 2079. Both represent an increase of around 100 calories on previous figures. Surely it was not a good idea to make this information public? By stating that we are actually allowed to eat more calories, per person, per day we are giving those less savvy the green light to increase their over consumption further. Perhaps I am not crediting the Great British Public with much intelligence but many people out there are impressionable to such 'official' advice.
The fattist revolution
I sometimes wonder why everything requires a label but fattism is an increasingly common form of discrimination that is borne from our societies rapidly expanding waist lines. Just as much as sexism and racism will never go away completely, fattism has grown around a social stigma that exists about obesity. Fat people are judged, it is assumed by many that they are lazy and lacking self control when it comes to food and that they are the only ones to blame for their weight issues. I think slimmer counterparts view it as a form of weakness and proof a person is idle, choosing a lifestyle they know is unhealthy. Perhaps I should coin the term smokist. Next time I see someone lighting up in the street I can shout some carefully thought out insults their way; nicotine junkie, chimney, pathetic addict! The point I am aiming to make here is that, if we use the ethos that fattists work by, smokers are weak willed, undisciplined, addicted...
Fat people stand out, it is a natural instinct to notice when someone looks different. It happens in nature too, any other animal or bird that is visually different from the pack or flock is noticed and often attacked. Having been on the receiving end of societies intolerance of fat, I do sympathise with the daily discrimination an obese person goes through.
Why do we get fat?
Over eating is only one element of why a person is obese. Fattists fail to acknowledge or understand that there is often one or many psychological reason as to why a person gains a large amount of weight. I have a unique stand point on this as I have experienced both ends of the scale (literally and figuratively.) Excessive weight is often symptomic of something deep seeded and troubled in a person. Not all the time mind, as with everything there are exceptions to the rule. There are people out there who are natural extra weight carriers, their physical destiny pre determined by genetics. There are others with medical reasons as to why they pile on the pounds but these groups are in the minority.
There are those of us who use food as a crutch. Those of us who have or do seek solace in the bottom of a biscuit barrel to cope with stress, upset and depression.
Discrimination about body size
Fattist attitudes are apparent most places in our daily lives. Writing from experience of when I was bigger, cruel comments and jibes in the street originate from fattist people. Sitting on a busy bus or train and having the spare seat next to you avoided until it is the last option available, guess what? That is fattist too. Subtle fattism but fattism nonetheless.
I had an interesting conversation with some friends recently, relating to whether fatter people are discriminated against in job interviews. I posed the following question:-
You have 2 female candidates for one job. One girl is 230 pounds, the other is a slim 130 pounds. Both have good CV 's (resumes), both interview well and prove themselves to be on par for the role. What is the likelihood that the slimmer girl will be picked over the overweight girl, just because of how she looks ?
The verdict from my buddies was unanimous. Both said that had the interview panel been all men then there would be no doubt that the slimmer girl would get the job. I think the
overall consensus we came to was that the overweight girl would be at an immediate disadvantage due to her appearance.
I really don't want to believe that this would happen in reality but my hypothetical scenario would probably fall in favour of Miss Slim. Am I being cynical?
I happened across an article relating to this very subject and urge you to read it. The author is a male journalist who has suffered this direct discrimination himself, proving the stigma crosses the sex boundary. He writes in a thought provoking way and eloquently covers off the more disturbing side of this emerging intolerance of fat.
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fattism-a-hard-act-to-swallow-1245835.html
When I was bigger, I definitely noticed that people treated me differently. I have given this lots of thought and have to concede that this was probably down to how I came across as well. As mentioned in previous posts, my self confidence was pretty low in those days and I was far less inclined to speak up for myself then or even speak out at all! fat people don't like drawing attention to themselves. Paranoia was a constant companion. When I bought food from either a super market or takeaway, I was always wondering if people were watching me, monitoring my trolley or my order and thinking to themselves 'no wonder she is fat.' Eating out at restaurants was the same, there were occasions where I would deliberately select something healthy from the menu, just to defy anyone who might be observing and expect me to order a gargantuan meal.
You know what, hand on heart, I do the same now. If I am in the supermarket and I see a larger person with a trolley I will take a sneaky peek in there, looking at what kinds of food they have chosen. So does that make me fattist? I don't think it does, I often look now because it serves as a reminder of when I was fat and the types of shops I would do.
Lack of understanding
I don't like fattism but then I am biased, I think society still lacks understanding about why
people get really fat. You hear these so called 'fattists' ranting about how fat people eat too much, lack will power, lack self respect and discipline. Yes, perhaps they do lack these things but there are reasons for that that are not considered or are ignored. These are all symptoms of emotion related obesity (my newly coined term!)
Persecuting anyone for how they look or live their life is tantamount to discriminatory behaviour in my liberal world.
Our TV channels are saturated with programmes about obesity, as a society we are armed with more information and awareness on the subject than ever before. The reason for this? It touches more of our lives. With an estimated 50% of Brits estimated to be overweight now, the Government is trying to drive a weight loss revolution. It is not healthy to carry too much excess weight, we know that. It has been recognised and documented that obesity related illnesses are costing the National Health Service millions of pounds a year and this figure is likely to rise significantly in the future.
In the UK, we are given government guidelines as to how many calories Mr and Mrs 'Average' should be having a day. The new calorie recommendations say that men can now eat around 2,605 calories of food every day, while women can eat 2079. Both represent an increase of around 100 calories on previous figures. Surely it was not a good idea to make this information public? By stating that we are actually allowed to eat more calories, per person, per day we are giving those less savvy the green light to increase their over consumption further. Perhaps I am not crediting the Great British Public with much intelligence but many people out there are impressionable to such 'official' advice.
The fattist revolution
I sometimes wonder why everything requires a label but fattism is an increasingly common form of discrimination that is borne from our societies rapidly expanding waist lines. Just as much as sexism and racism will never go away completely, fattism has grown around a social stigma that exists about obesity. Fat people are judged, it is assumed by many that they are lazy and lacking self control when it comes to food and that they are the only ones to blame for their weight issues. I think slimmer counterparts view it as a form of weakness and proof a person is idle, choosing a lifestyle they know is unhealthy. Perhaps I should coin the term smokist. Next time I see someone lighting up in the street I can shout some carefully thought out insults their way; nicotine junkie, chimney, pathetic addict! The point I am aiming to make here is that, if we use the ethos that fattists work by, smokers are weak willed, undisciplined, addicted...
Fat people stand out, it is a natural instinct to notice when someone looks different. It happens in nature too, any other animal or bird that is visually different from the pack or flock is noticed and often attacked. Having been on the receiving end of societies intolerance of fat, I do sympathise with the daily discrimination an obese person goes through.
Why do we get fat?
Over eating is only one element of why a person is obese. Fattists fail to acknowledge or understand that there is often one or many psychological reason as to why a person gains a large amount of weight. I have a unique stand point on this as I have experienced both ends of the scale (literally and figuratively.) Excessive weight is often symptomic of something deep seeded and troubled in a person. Not all the time mind, as with everything there are exceptions to the rule. There are people out there who are natural extra weight carriers, their physical destiny pre determined by genetics. There are others with medical reasons as to why they pile on the pounds but these groups are in the minority.
There are those of us who use food as a crutch. Those of us who have or do seek solace in the bottom of a biscuit barrel to cope with stress, upset and depression.
Discrimination about body size
Fattist attitudes are apparent most places in our daily lives. Writing from experience of when I was bigger, cruel comments and jibes in the street originate from fattist people. Sitting on a busy bus or train and having the spare seat next to you avoided until it is the last option available, guess what? That is fattist too. Subtle fattism but fattism nonetheless.
I had an interesting conversation with some friends recently, relating to whether fatter people are discriminated against in job interviews. I posed the following question:-
You have 2 female candidates for one job. One girl is 230 pounds, the other is a slim 130 pounds. Both have good CV 's (resumes), both interview well and prove themselves to be on par for the role. What is the likelihood that the slimmer girl will be picked over the overweight girl, just because of how she looks ?
The verdict from my buddies was unanimous. Both said that had the interview panel been all men then there would be no doubt that the slimmer girl would get the job. I think the
overall consensus we came to was that the overweight girl would be at an immediate disadvantage due to her appearance.
I really don't want to believe that this would happen in reality but my hypothetical scenario would probably fall in favour of Miss Slim. Am I being cynical?
I happened across an article relating to this very subject and urge you to read it. The author is a male journalist who has suffered this direct discrimination himself, proving the stigma crosses the sex boundary. He writes in a thought provoking way and eloquently covers off the more disturbing side of this emerging intolerance of fat.
http://www.independent.co.uk/
When I was bigger, I definitely noticed that people treated me differently. I have given this lots of thought and have to concede that this was probably down to how I came across as well. As mentioned in previous posts, my self confidence was pretty low in those days and I was far less inclined to speak up for myself then or even speak out at all! fat people don't like drawing attention to themselves. Paranoia was a constant companion. When I bought food from either a super market or takeaway, I was always wondering if people were watching me, monitoring my trolley or my order and thinking to themselves 'no wonder she is fat.' Eating out at restaurants was the same, there were occasions where I would deliberately select something healthy from the menu, just to defy anyone who might be observing and expect me to order a gargantuan meal.
You know what, hand on heart, I do the same now. If I am in the supermarket and I see a larger person with a trolley I will take a sneaky peek in there, looking at what kinds of food they have chosen. So does that make me fattist? I don't think it does, I often look now because it serves as a reminder of when I was fat and the types of shops I would do.
Lack of understanding
I don't like fattism but then I am biased, I think society still lacks understanding about why
people get really fat. You hear these so called 'fattists' ranting about how fat people eat too much, lack will power, lack self respect and discipline. Yes, perhaps they do lack these things but there are reasons for that that are not considered or are ignored. These are all symptoms of emotion related obesity (my newly coined term!)
Persecuting anyone for how they look or live their life is tantamount to discriminatory behaviour in my liberal world.
Thursday 13 October 2011
A deflated epidermis; the dreaded loose skin
In earlier posts I have pertained to the pitfalls of being obese. As we all know, there are plenty to list. I thought it would be interesting to flip this on its head and offer some balance.
So I am about to summarise the one and only pitfall of my smaller body.
Loose skin
This next omission is hard for me, really hard.
Any person who has lost dramatic amounts of weight are prone to being left with loose skin. Skin is an incredible organ, we cut it and it heals, often without a scar. It comes in a range of shades and colours, all subtly different from the next. It is the largest organ on the human body, amounting to 16% of our body weight. It shields us from infection, protecting our internal organs and it purifies our systems by eliminating waste fluids. All in all, one clever design.
But one thing skin is not so successful at is shrinking back to it's original elasticity, especially if it is stretched drastically. I can liken this to when I borrowed my ex boyfriends tops when I was bigger. I had a penchant for preferring his clothes to mine as they proved to be baggier thus more comfortable. When he reclaimed his items from me, sometimes having to prise them off my back, there would be a distinctive amount of distortation and stretch where my ample chest had rested underneath. Not a good look for a flat chested bloke! An androginous image is not good for an alpha male so he eventually would hand the item down to me and I would go out and buy him a replacement garment to soften the blow.
What I am getting at is that there is only so much our biological shield can take. As skin stretches, the collagen is damaged as is the elastin that is normally used to small fluctuations in stretch. As a result of this and when a much larger person loses weight, those delicate strands do not retract back to their original tautness. This is not to say that there are some people who lose lots of weight and don't suffer with baggy thighs, boobs or tummies. I feel these people are in a very small minority and are not the general rule.
I do have some loose skin on my belly, having lost over 150 pounds and 82 inches off my body, I think it was unavoidable. I lathered on layers of vitamin E enriched cocoa butter whilst I was losing but the skin on my stomach did not respond as well as I would have liked. It is nothing too unpleasant and I don't think it warrants surgery in a doctors eyes but I do have a personal problem with it. Considering what my epidermis has gone through, my skin has proven pretty resilient! But that does not distract from the fact I look like I have already had kids, despite being childless. Bikinis are certainly a no no, as are mid riff bearing tops. I can live with stretch marks as they fade over time but I have had trouble adapting to this saggy belly.
Self sabotage
You know, that is the first time I have openly admitted I have loose skin to anyone bar the medical world. Blimey! Some of my closest friends are not even aware. I must admit, it has made me self conscious in a different way to when I was obese. Fully clothed you would never guess I had it but I am acutely aware of it hiding under there. It has had a negative impact on my body image which has, in turn, affected my ability to get into a relationship. The handful of relationships I have had post weight loss have all ended the same way. Initially, I go through the typical highs of meeting someone new but not wanting to rush into anything physical too soon. I do dread having to get naked, although there are some subtle tricks I have picked up to try and disguise my stomach. Sadly I think, I have so far managed to sabotage 3 blossoming relationships due to the paranoia about my stomach. Crazy eh?
I monitor any changes in behaviour towards me, believing these chaps are cooling off. I assume, if I think they have even had a glimpse of my saggy tummy, that they are disturbed and think me a freak. I am pretty sure that, if they did see the extent of it, they would not think it a big deal and if they really liked me, it would not even matter.
What I am really doing is reflecting my own dissatisfaction with my stomach and the subsequent insecurities that cultures on these men. It is not their behaviour that changes, it is mine. If I was fully open with these fellas and outlined what I had been through and my concerns about this excess skin, I am sure that would be be more productive than inadvertently destroying any potential relationship. I guess it is easier for me to reject them than it would be for them to reject me. In all honesty, any man who rejected me for that one reason alone would be a conceited idiot and not worth my time anyway.
But what I have done, thus far, is push any potential partner away. I have not mentioned my epic weight loss to any if them, if I am brutally honest that is because I am ashamed and feel like they may view me differently as a result. I should be proud of what I have achieved right? I am in many respects and I have overcome adversity and turned a potentially life threatening situation around. Perhaps I am underestimating these men and I should not be ashamed of something that is out of my control and perfectly natural in many ways, considering what this body has been through.
None of us are perfect, we all have physical flaws. My stomach pays testament to the challenge I have been through; you could refer to it as a battle wound. I realise that I need to address my own issues with it first before I can get into a serious relationship.
Surgery
To be honest, I would have surgery if it were available to me. I have looked into getting a tummy tuck but it is an expense procedure I cannot afford. I went to my doctors to see whether our national health service would fund the operation but they are very strict about the guidelines and consider it a cosmetic procedure so the answer was no.
Hey ho I know one thing, I would much rather a bit of loose skin than go back to being obese. The trade off is heavily weighted toward the former. I know there are other people who have done a fantastic job with losing massive amounts of weight who have excess skin
on their arms, thighs, backs, chests, stomachs so I think I got off lightly. I need to somehow overcome my issues with it otherwise I stand to remain single for the rest of my life. Get a grip girl!
That is me being REALLY open, my issues with this imperfection have been intensely personal and private for a few years now but there you go, for me that is one major pitfall of the monumental weight loss I have had.
L xx
So I am about to summarise the one and only pitfall of my smaller body.
Loose skin
This next omission is hard for me, really hard.
Any person who has lost dramatic amounts of weight are prone to being left with loose skin. Skin is an incredible organ, we cut it and it heals, often without a scar. It comes in a range of shades and colours, all subtly different from the next. It is the largest organ on the human body, amounting to 16% of our body weight. It shields us from infection, protecting our internal organs and it purifies our systems by eliminating waste fluids. All in all, one clever design.
But one thing skin is not so successful at is shrinking back to it's original elasticity, especially if it is stretched drastically. I can liken this to when I borrowed my ex boyfriends tops when I was bigger. I had a penchant for preferring his clothes to mine as they proved to be baggier thus more comfortable. When he reclaimed his items from me, sometimes having to prise them off my back, there would be a distinctive amount of distortation and stretch where my ample chest had rested underneath. Not a good look for a flat chested bloke! An androginous image is not good for an alpha male so he eventually would hand the item down to me and I would go out and buy him a replacement garment to soften the blow.
What I am getting at is that there is only so much our biological shield can take. As skin stretches, the collagen is damaged as is the elastin that is normally used to small fluctuations in stretch. As a result of this and when a much larger person loses weight, those delicate strands do not retract back to their original tautness. This is not to say that there are some people who lose lots of weight and don't suffer with baggy thighs, boobs or tummies. I feel these people are in a very small minority and are not the general rule.
I do have some loose skin on my belly, having lost over 150 pounds and 82 inches off my body, I think it was unavoidable. I lathered on layers of vitamin E enriched cocoa butter whilst I was losing but the skin on my stomach did not respond as well as I would have liked. It is nothing too unpleasant and I don't think it warrants surgery in a doctors eyes but I do have a personal problem with it. Considering what my epidermis has gone through, my skin has proven pretty resilient! But that does not distract from the fact I look like I have already had kids, despite being childless. Bikinis are certainly a no no, as are mid riff bearing tops. I can live with stretch marks as they fade over time but I have had trouble adapting to this saggy belly.
Self sabotage
You know, that is the first time I have openly admitted I have loose skin to anyone bar the medical world. Blimey! Some of my closest friends are not even aware. I must admit, it has made me self conscious in a different way to when I was obese. Fully clothed you would never guess I had it but I am acutely aware of it hiding under there. It has had a negative impact on my body image which has, in turn, affected my ability to get into a relationship. The handful of relationships I have had post weight loss have all ended the same way. Initially, I go through the typical highs of meeting someone new but not wanting to rush into anything physical too soon. I do dread having to get naked, although there are some subtle tricks I have picked up to try and disguise my stomach. Sadly I think, I have so far managed to sabotage 3 blossoming relationships due to the paranoia about my stomach. Crazy eh?
I monitor any changes in behaviour towards me, believing these chaps are cooling off. I assume, if I think they have even had a glimpse of my saggy tummy, that they are disturbed and think me a freak. I am pretty sure that, if they did see the extent of it, they would not think it a big deal and if they really liked me, it would not even matter.
What I am really doing is reflecting my own dissatisfaction with my stomach and the subsequent insecurities that cultures on these men. It is not their behaviour that changes, it is mine. If I was fully open with these fellas and outlined what I had been through and my concerns about this excess skin, I am sure that would be be more productive than inadvertently destroying any potential relationship. I guess it is easier for me to reject them than it would be for them to reject me. In all honesty, any man who rejected me for that one reason alone would be a conceited idiot and not worth my time anyway.
But what I have done, thus far, is push any potential partner away. I have not mentioned my epic weight loss to any if them, if I am brutally honest that is because I am ashamed and feel like they may view me differently as a result. I should be proud of what I have achieved right? I am in many respects and I have overcome adversity and turned a potentially life threatening situation around. Perhaps I am underestimating these men and I should not be ashamed of something that is out of my control and perfectly natural in many ways, considering what this body has been through.
None of us are perfect, we all have physical flaws. My stomach pays testament to the challenge I have been through; you could refer to it as a battle wound. I realise that I need to address my own issues with it first before I can get into a serious relationship.
Surgery
To be honest, I would have surgery if it were available to me. I have looked into getting a tummy tuck but it is an expense procedure I cannot afford. I went to my doctors to see whether our national health service would fund the operation but they are very strict about the guidelines and consider it a cosmetic procedure so the answer was no.
Hey ho I know one thing, I would much rather a bit of loose skin than go back to being obese. The trade off is heavily weighted toward the former. I know there are other people who have done a fantastic job with losing massive amounts of weight who have excess skin
on their arms, thighs, backs, chests, stomachs so I think I got off lightly. I need to somehow overcome my issues with it otherwise I stand to remain single for the rest of my life. Get a grip girl!
That is me being REALLY open, my issues with this imperfection have been intensely personal and private for a few years now but there you go, for me that is one major pitfall of the monumental weight loss I have had.
L xx
Diets - demonising the fuel that drives us
Food is our bodies fuel. It's as simple as that. What you put in, you get out. If you run a diesel engine on sunflower oil, the performance of that engine will degrade. Sure, it will still perform but to a lesser degree as the quality of the fuel is compromised. Our bodies are the same, if you don't eat the right nutrients, minerals and strike the delicate balance between fats, proteins and carbohydrate, you will get less out of your body. It will become sluggish and less productive at converting what it needs to energy. Surplus is stored as fat, we know the score.
I am deliberately not going to get too caught up in the actual science behind diet. For one, I don't feel I am qualified to offer a fully accurate opinion and I can only speak from my own experience. Of course and like anyone, I have my theories but I am not a nutritionalist so I would not want to post inaccuracies . Ideally I would like to study nutrition and even get my personal training qualification so I can assist others in losing weight. Then again, what I lack in qualifications I more than make up for in experience!
What I do know I have learned through my own trial and error, I am equipped with pertinent facts and I do have a sound knowledge about the main principles of weight loss. Bottom line is that we are all different, what works for one person might not for another. I aim to offer up suggestions about what worked for me, I won't force my opinion or insist that how I have done it is definitively how it is done.
Crazy diets
Hands up anyone who has been on a diet? Mine is raised albeit virtually. Whether it be the Atkins, the cabbage soup diet, celebrity slimmer diet, South Beach diet, GI, subway (really?!) diet, they all have their pitfalls. The diet industry is massive, it is estimated that by 2014, the global industry will be worth $355.7 billion (that is £227 billion). That is a lot of revenue right there. Losing weight is big money to companies pushing their weight loss products and aids. I think they are targeting some very vulnerable people, people desperate to change their health and their lifestyles and people who are willing to try anything to achieve that goal. Dieting, long term, is unrealistic. Don't get me wrong, programmes like Weight Watchers and Rosemary Conley do work in the short term but can you spend the rest of your life totting up points for everything you put in your mouth?
Lighter pocket...erm...I mean Lighter Life diet
Dieting to me suggests an unrealistic eating pattern that is not sustainable. As an experiment whilst I was losing weight, I heard about the Lighter Life diet. I am not sure if you are familiar with this but the lighter life plan essentially re trains you to eat. The initial stages require you to come off solid food almost in it's entirety, living off pre prepared shakes and soups that allegedly have the right balance of nutrients and minerals your body needs. This strict programme runs a period of months, in which time you attend group counselling sessions to address eating habits and why you gained weight but it's zero by mouth in terms of most solid food. Some elements of this I like, the counselling sessions give you the opportunity to discuss your weight concerns in a 'safe' environment and with people who truly understand. But that is where my like of this ends .
The cost of the meal replacements is steep, the theory behind it is flawed in my opinion. Stopping eating altogether is not healthy and can only result in a very confused metabolism and body. The reintroduction of food after the mostly liquid diet is where the re training starts. You can re train someone to eat but people with historical weight gain issues are more likely to fall off the wagon and revert to bad habits. After several weeks of food deprivation, how many of us would fancy a massive gorge? The body is designed to process and digest solid food.
I popped along to an initial consultation with a lighter life representative, curiosity got the better of me. I had absolutely no intention of starting the plan, I was more interested in the thinking behind it. There have been many success stories, I cannot say it does not work but the deprivation of food really concerns me. I have also heard many people say that they do see results but that the weight does pile on when they start eating again. Perhaps these people have made poor food choices when they have reintroduced solids back into their diet? Either way you have to be bloody determined and focused to stick to a diet such as this.
Are diets alone a realistic, long term solution to weight loss?
What I want to get across is that we need to realise that the calculations are fairly straightforward. It is all about input vs output. The word diet has a certain stigma attached to it. Dieting alone can certainly help you lose weight and it does work in the short term but many dieters are caught in a vicious cycle of weight loss and regain. There is a statistic banded around that suggests that over 50% of dieters who lose weight gain back what they lost and more. I do not want to say this statistic is resolute but I can imagine it is not far off being accurate. Diets in the truest sense of the word become laborious, dull, frustrating and ultimately ineffective.
Reverting back to old habits is too tempting after weeks or months of deprivation. In my opinion and experience, long term weight loss is about a lifestyle overhaul. It is not just about focusing on the diet although that plays a significant part, it is also about moving your body and becoming more active. It's about moderation, thoughtful decisions and ensuring your body maintains balanced blood sugar levels, taking on enough fibre and not starving yourself of the essential vitamins and minerals your body requires.
Input vs output
So input vs output. Not wanting to insult anyone's intelligence, I wanted to elaborate on this. We take on calories and the body uses what it needs. if the calories are increased and surpass what the body requires then a surplus develops. This, coupled with a sedentary lifestyle is when you are at risk of weight gain. Simple right? For most people I think so.
Lets say, as a general rule, an 'average' person uses 1000 calories worth of energy each day, just to exist. That means just functioning and staying alive, no accounting for movement. Add some output into that (exercise) and you start to go into a calorie deficit, as long as you are consuming a healthy amount of calories on that day. Of course it depends what kind of movement we are referring to here. A 10 mile run may use in excess of 700 calories whereby a short quarter mile walk to the shop might use as little as 60. It is all dependent on weight, sex, base fitness levels, the kind of calories you are consuming.
The body is a machine, if you fuel it right then you will get the best out of it.
I will elaborate on this topic some more in future posts, where I will outline what has worked for me and the steps I took to address my poor and unstable eating habits.
Good evening to you out there (or afternoon for some!)
L x
I am deliberately not going to get too caught up in the actual science behind diet. For one, I don't feel I am qualified to offer a fully accurate opinion and I can only speak from my own experience. Of course and like anyone, I have my theories but I am not a nutritionalist so I would not want to post inaccuracies . Ideally I would like to study nutrition and even get my personal training qualification so I can assist others in losing weight. Then again, what I lack in qualifications I more than make up for in experience!
What I do know I have learned through my own trial and error, I am equipped with pertinent facts and I do have a sound knowledge about the main principles of weight loss. Bottom line is that we are all different, what works for one person might not for another. I aim to offer up suggestions about what worked for me, I won't force my opinion or insist that how I have done it is definitively how it is done.
Crazy diets
Hands up anyone who has been on a diet? Mine is raised albeit virtually. Whether it be the Atkins, the cabbage soup diet, celebrity slimmer diet, South Beach diet, GI, subway (really?!) diet, they all have their pitfalls. The diet industry is massive, it is estimated that by 2014, the global industry will be worth $355.7 billion (that is £227 billion). That is a lot of revenue right there. Losing weight is big money to companies pushing their weight loss products and aids. I think they are targeting some very vulnerable people, people desperate to change their health and their lifestyles and people who are willing to try anything to achieve that goal. Dieting, long term, is unrealistic. Don't get me wrong, programmes like Weight Watchers and Rosemary Conley do work in the short term but can you spend the rest of your life totting up points for everything you put in your mouth?
Lighter pocket...erm...I mean Lighter Life diet
Dieting to me suggests an unrealistic eating pattern that is not sustainable. As an experiment whilst I was losing weight, I heard about the Lighter Life diet. I am not sure if you are familiar with this but the lighter life plan essentially re trains you to eat. The initial stages require you to come off solid food almost in it's entirety, living off pre prepared shakes and soups that allegedly have the right balance of nutrients and minerals your body needs. This strict programme runs a period of months, in which time you attend group counselling sessions to address eating habits and why you gained weight but it's zero by mouth in terms of most solid food. Some elements of this I like, the counselling sessions give you the opportunity to discuss your weight concerns in a 'safe' environment and with people who truly understand. But that is where my like of this ends .
The cost of the meal replacements is steep, the theory behind it is flawed in my opinion. Stopping eating altogether is not healthy and can only result in a very confused metabolism and body. The reintroduction of food after the mostly liquid diet is where the re training starts. You can re train someone to eat but people with historical weight gain issues are more likely to fall off the wagon and revert to bad habits. After several weeks of food deprivation, how many of us would fancy a massive gorge? The body is designed to process and digest solid food.
I popped along to an initial consultation with a lighter life representative, curiosity got the better of me. I had absolutely no intention of starting the plan, I was more interested in the thinking behind it. There have been many success stories, I cannot say it does not work but the deprivation of food really concerns me. I have also heard many people say that they do see results but that the weight does pile on when they start eating again. Perhaps these people have made poor food choices when they have reintroduced solids back into their diet? Either way you have to be bloody determined and focused to stick to a diet such as this.
Are diets alone a realistic, long term solution to weight loss?
What I want to get across is that we need to realise that the calculations are fairly straightforward. It is all about input vs output. The word diet has a certain stigma attached to it. Dieting alone can certainly help you lose weight and it does work in the short term but many dieters are caught in a vicious cycle of weight loss and regain. There is a statistic banded around that suggests that over 50% of dieters who lose weight gain back what they lost and more. I do not want to say this statistic is resolute but I can imagine it is not far off being accurate. Diets in the truest sense of the word become laborious, dull, frustrating and ultimately ineffective.
Reverting back to old habits is too tempting after weeks or months of deprivation. In my opinion and experience, long term weight loss is about a lifestyle overhaul. It is not just about focusing on the diet although that plays a significant part, it is also about moving your body and becoming more active. It's about moderation, thoughtful decisions and ensuring your body maintains balanced blood sugar levels, taking on enough fibre and not starving yourself of the essential vitamins and minerals your body requires.
Input vs output
So input vs output. Not wanting to insult anyone's intelligence, I wanted to elaborate on this. We take on calories and the body uses what it needs. if the calories are increased and surpass what the body requires then a surplus develops. This, coupled with a sedentary lifestyle is when you are at risk of weight gain. Simple right? For most people I think so.
Lets say, as a general rule, an 'average' person uses 1000 calories worth of energy each day, just to exist. That means just functioning and staying alive, no accounting for movement. Add some output into that (exercise) and you start to go into a calorie deficit, as long as you are consuming a healthy amount of calories on that day. Of course it depends what kind of movement we are referring to here. A 10 mile run may use in excess of 700 calories whereby a short quarter mile walk to the shop might use as little as 60. It is all dependent on weight, sex, base fitness levels, the kind of calories you are consuming.
The body is a machine, if you fuel it right then you will get the best out of it.
I will elaborate on this topic some more in future posts, where I will outline what has worked for me and the steps I took to address my poor and unstable eating habits.
Good evening to you out there (or afternoon for some!)
L x
Wednesday 12 October 2011
Adjusting to the 'new' me
Woo hoo mid week, fantastic. I don't like to think I am one for wishing my life away but there is always something great about a Wednesday don't you think? It is half way through the working week and those two magical days at the end of the week are edging ever closer.
So far on this blog, I have looked back and relived a number of memories I have of being obese. Let's be honest, there were never going to be many fond memories and I fear that many of my posts are erring on the side of depressing. But I do think it is important to be honest though, I have had little support through this journey and I sometimes wondered whether I should have sought that post weight loss as the body metamorphosis I have gone through is life changing. I don't feel like I required or even require counselling now although I am sure it has its benefits. It feels like I have emerged from a coccoon, I am spreading my wings and exploring the world, liberated from my physical burden.
I feel that writing this blog is proving to be more theraputic than I initially thought it would be which is fantastic and it means, for you lucky readers ;) , I will continue to share my thoughts and feelings. There is so much still I need to share, I think off loading these experiences and burdens is a powerful thing. I also hope, truly, that this can inspire and encourage others to get through the tough times and keep plugging away at the weight loss. Perhaps there will be people reading this who do not have or have never had a weight problem, I think this kind of candid journal may open those people's eyes to what it is like living in a fat person's body. Either way, I really hope this is of some benefit to anyone out there who has had to endure hardships that excess weight brings.
Getting back to my original idea for this post, I really do feel like a new person. The transition is a strange one and has been ongoing since I reached my goal weight. The weight still fluctuates from time to time but the girl I was 6 years ago is far removed from the woman I am today.
Obese me
The obese me was shy, unsure of herself, unconfident, depressed at times, defensive, afraid of social situations, dependent on food, needy, lazy, unmotivated, lethargic...the list could go on. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there were some good points and those good points remain with me now. Certain parts of my personality will never change; good sense of humour, reasonably intelligent (or so I like to think ;) ) , caring, loyal, kind. These are things that the outside world generally do not see unless they get to know you, so I must have come across to others as completely down trodden. First impressions count in any social/ work situation.
Another interesting tilt to this is how you carry yourself physically when you are bigger. I sloped my shoulders, hunched my back, kept my head down and that all reeks lack of confidence, I may as well have worn a sandwich board stating that fact. This kind of body language immediately makes you unapproachable to other people.
The me of now is confident, disciplined, driven, generally happy, open to new experiences, active, sociable, lively...that list goes on too! I walk with my head held high, shoulders back and a smile on my face (except when walking into work!) A total reversal in body language right? We all have our off days where we feel a bit sullen, perhaps those shoulders do slouch but now any shoulder slouching does not exacerbate my size.
A smaller body
I sometimes catch my reflection in shop windows or mirrors and am shocked at what I see. To this day, I look at where I have got to and feel shocked. You would think that adapting to a smaller body would come full circle eventually but it still hasn't. As it has become the norm now, gentle reminders do occur, such as these moments.
The new me can get up and exercise and do it well. The profuse sweating of old has been replaced by a healthy glow that transpires after I have gone for the burn. My skin is better due to the exercise (I guess we are constantly detoxing our skin when we sweat, emptying those pores but in a different way to 'fat' sweating, far more cleansing.) Chafing is an awful memory from the past and something that does not haunt my thighs anymore. Summer time is something to look forward to now, not something to dread. I love getting out in the sun, wearing my strappy tops and shorts and enjoying the weather, not scared about whether I will bare sweat patches or that my skin will rub to the point of soreness.
Interestingly there is one aspect of this dramatic change that I find both aggravating and flattering. When I was bigger, men would not give me a second look and if they did, it often ended up with an insult. I faded into the background like old, worn wall paper. That suits me to this day to be honest but the any attention I used to get was of a negative kind and would often leave me feeling upset and perturbed. Without wanting to sound conceited, I get a totally different kind of attention from some men now. Whether it be the odd wolf whistle here or there or a comment or two of a flattering nature, it does happen. It does not always please me as such, although I realise it should be taken as a compliment. A couple of times men have been quite direct and showed their interest and I have turned around to see who they were talking to, subsequently realising it was me. I must admit, that has been hard to get used to. I am not a natural attention seeker and certainly don't like being the centre of the attention, navigating around the periphery is totally my bag!
It is a sad fact of life that people do tend to treat you differently when you are slimmer. Believe me, I have noticed it. The reasons for this are plentiful and I think I have covered many of them off in my ramblings above. I don't think it is necessarily right but it happens, human nature anyone? (I am sure there is a song title in there somewhere.) It is interesting to get a perspective from both sides of the coin, so to speak.
Another massive change is shopping. I outlined in a previous post that I absolutely dreaded shopping, being restricted to one over sized speciality clothing store due to by volumous body. Every shopping jaunt would turn into emotional torture fraught with tears, anger and frustration. Not any more, I can walk into any shop and see something I like, knowing I will fit into it (just a shame I don't have any money to do that!) It really is a treat, I can be more daring and experiment with my clothes, knowing they will generally look pretty good now. I always joked with a friend that I would be buried in the clothes I used to wear; the same pair of size 24 black, shapeless trousers, a loose fittings men's XL jumper and the trusty caridgan tied around my waist to unsuccessfuly disguise my spare tyre and large backside. Anyone would be forgiven for thinking Groundhog Day if they saw me two days in a row. I sound a bit self depricating and don't want to, I know the reasons why I dressed like that, why I cried tears of frustration when I stood looking at the rails of larger ladies clothes, why I felt guilty every time I put something remotely unhealthy in my mouth. In laters blog posts I will outline more about the diet and exercise regime I followed to get to where I am today....
Another fantastic benefit to being horizontally narrower is public transport. Gone are the days when I would get on a bus, train or plane and feel sorry for whoever was sitting next to me. They say we all have a personal space limit zone that should never be breached. Unfortunately, when you are cramped into a small, confined space with a stranger and are as wide as you are tall, there are always going to space and encroachment issues. I never forget a Trans Atlantic flight I took to the USA. It was an 8 hour flight and I was sat next to this poor chap who had my chubby right arm covering his arm rest throughout the flight. I was literally wedged into my seat and, on take off, I could barely do the seat belt up so was forced to hide the fact it was not completely secure when the stewardess came around to do her checks. Ugh, how embarrassing! Now, I can sit easy in my seat and can even bring my knees up to rest on, which makes sleeping much easier. Yet another benefit of being less gravitationally challenged :)
I think I am going to leave it there for this evening but anyone who is taking the time to read through my blog, THANK YOU :) I know it is not being written in vain
L xx
So far on this blog, I have looked back and relived a number of memories I have of being obese. Let's be honest, there were never going to be many fond memories and I fear that many of my posts are erring on the side of depressing. But I do think it is important to be honest though, I have had little support through this journey and I sometimes wondered whether I should have sought that post weight loss as the body metamorphosis I have gone through is life changing. I don't feel like I required or even require counselling now although I am sure it has its benefits. It feels like I have emerged from a coccoon, I am spreading my wings and exploring the world, liberated from my physical burden.
I feel that writing this blog is proving to be more theraputic than I initially thought it would be which is fantastic and it means, for you lucky readers ;) , I will continue to share my thoughts and feelings. There is so much still I need to share, I think off loading these experiences and burdens is a powerful thing. I also hope, truly, that this can inspire and encourage others to get through the tough times and keep plugging away at the weight loss. Perhaps there will be people reading this who do not have or have never had a weight problem, I think this kind of candid journal may open those people's eyes to what it is like living in a fat person's body. Either way, I really hope this is of some benefit to anyone out there who has had to endure hardships that excess weight brings.
Getting back to my original idea for this post, I really do feel like a new person. The transition is a strange one and has been ongoing since I reached my goal weight. The weight still fluctuates from time to time but the girl I was 6 years ago is far removed from the woman I am today.
Obese me
The obese me was shy, unsure of herself, unconfident, depressed at times, defensive, afraid of social situations, dependent on food, needy, lazy, unmotivated, lethargic...the list could go on. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there were some good points and those good points remain with me now. Certain parts of my personality will never change; good sense of humour, reasonably intelligent (or so I like to think ;) ) , caring, loyal, kind. These are things that the outside world generally do not see unless they get to know you, so I must have come across to others as completely down trodden. First impressions count in any social/ work situation.
Another interesting tilt to this is how you carry yourself physically when you are bigger. I sloped my shoulders, hunched my back, kept my head down and that all reeks lack of confidence, I may as well have worn a sandwich board stating that fact. This kind of body language immediately makes you unapproachable to other people.
The me of now is confident, disciplined, driven, generally happy, open to new experiences, active, sociable, lively...that list goes on too! I walk with my head held high, shoulders back and a smile on my face (except when walking into work!) A total reversal in body language right? We all have our off days where we feel a bit sullen, perhaps those shoulders do slouch but now any shoulder slouching does not exacerbate my size.
A smaller body
I sometimes catch my reflection in shop windows or mirrors and am shocked at what I see. To this day, I look at where I have got to and feel shocked. You would think that adapting to a smaller body would come full circle eventually but it still hasn't. As it has become the norm now, gentle reminders do occur, such as these moments.
The new me can get up and exercise and do it well. The profuse sweating of old has been replaced by a healthy glow that transpires after I have gone for the burn. My skin is better due to the exercise (I guess we are constantly detoxing our skin when we sweat, emptying those pores but in a different way to 'fat' sweating, far more cleansing.) Chafing is an awful memory from the past and something that does not haunt my thighs anymore. Summer time is something to look forward to now, not something to dread. I love getting out in the sun, wearing my strappy tops and shorts and enjoying the weather, not scared about whether I will bare sweat patches or that my skin will rub to the point of soreness.
Interestingly there is one aspect of this dramatic change that I find both aggravating and flattering. When I was bigger, men would not give me a second look and if they did, it often ended up with an insult. I faded into the background like old, worn wall paper. That suits me to this day to be honest but the any attention I used to get was of a negative kind and would often leave me feeling upset and perturbed. Without wanting to sound conceited, I get a totally different kind of attention from some men now. Whether it be the odd wolf whistle here or there or a comment or two of a flattering nature, it does happen. It does not always please me as such, although I realise it should be taken as a compliment. A couple of times men have been quite direct and showed their interest and I have turned around to see who they were talking to, subsequently realising it was me. I must admit, that has been hard to get used to. I am not a natural attention seeker and certainly don't like being the centre of the attention, navigating around the periphery is totally my bag!
It is a sad fact of life that people do tend to treat you differently when you are slimmer. Believe me, I have noticed it. The reasons for this are plentiful and I think I have covered many of them off in my ramblings above. I don't think it is necessarily right but it happens, human nature anyone? (I am sure there is a song title in there somewhere.) It is interesting to get a perspective from both sides of the coin, so to speak.
Another massive change is shopping. I outlined in a previous post that I absolutely dreaded shopping, being restricted to one over sized speciality clothing store due to by volumous body. Every shopping jaunt would turn into emotional torture fraught with tears, anger and frustration. Not any more, I can walk into any shop and see something I like, knowing I will fit into it (just a shame I don't have any money to do that!) It really is a treat, I can be more daring and experiment with my clothes, knowing they will generally look pretty good now. I always joked with a friend that I would be buried in the clothes I used to wear; the same pair of size 24 black, shapeless trousers, a loose fittings men's XL jumper and the trusty caridgan tied around my waist to unsuccessfuly disguise my spare tyre and large backside. Anyone would be forgiven for thinking Groundhog Day if they saw me two days in a row. I sound a bit self depricating and don't want to, I know the reasons why I dressed like that, why I cried tears of frustration when I stood looking at the rails of larger ladies clothes, why I felt guilty every time I put something remotely unhealthy in my mouth. In laters blog posts I will outline more about the diet and exercise regime I followed to get to where I am today....
Another fantastic benefit to being horizontally narrower is public transport. Gone are the days when I would get on a bus, train or plane and feel sorry for whoever was sitting next to me. They say we all have a personal space limit zone that should never be breached. Unfortunately, when you are cramped into a small, confined space with a stranger and are as wide as you are tall, there are always going to space and encroachment issues. I never forget a Trans Atlantic flight I took to the USA. It was an 8 hour flight and I was sat next to this poor chap who had my chubby right arm covering his arm rest throughout the flight. I was literally wedged into my seat and, on take off, I could barely do the seat belt up so was forced to hide the fact it was not completely secure when the stewardess came around to do her checks. Ugh, how embarrassing! Now, I can sit easy in my seat and can even bring my knees up to rest on, which makes sleeping much easier. Yet another benefit of being less gravitationally challenged :)
I think I am going to leave it there for this evening but anyone who is taking the time to read through my blog, THANK YOU :) I know it is not being written in vain
L xx
Monday 10 October 2011
A funny tale of a tubby day
Phew the end of another Monday, oh joy!! I was starting to think 5pm would never roll around.
After my previous and lengthy entry (I do apologise for the epic length but I seemed to purge a very private and harrowing experience on that one) I wanted to lighten the mood a tad.
To do this, I think there needs to be some funnier, weight related moments in amongst the low points. There certainly have been some hilarious times, whether it be my impromptu and unplanned gluteus maximus moony to my boyfriends mother, the time I actually managed to blow out a tyre on a mini by simply being a passenger, roly polying down a flight of stairs after one too many sherbets (I say, to this day, my fat layer saved my life that drunken evening), sliding down another flight of stairs on my knees.
I am sure there are more but these are the highlights for me. One that really does stand out occurred whilst on holiday in Lanzarote (which is part of the Spanish Canary Islands.) Myself and my long term partner at the time decided we deserved a holiday so we book a trip to our destination. The island is very popular with tourists from the UK especially and, although small, the place has a lot to offer. Geologically it is fascinating, much of it has an igneous rock landscape of dark and hardened volcanic hills and mountains that bear the reminder of previous eruptions from the islands dormant volcanoes, solidified lava flows scar the landscape.
I must have weighed about 240 pounds at the time and had been conscious about my weight the whole time we had been there. Sarongs tended to be an effective way of shrouding my lumpy bits and I had done a pretty good job of covering up my large body, so the holiday had gone relatively hitch free up until the day we decided to join the hoards of holiday makers and take a tourist excursion. Our destination would be the Timanfaya National Park; an active volcanic area on the island. As part of our paid for tour package, we were given an all inclusive early morning camel ride, something many of the tourists do as a matter of course. I was really looking forward to it as it was something I had never tried before. I guess you don’t really consider the logistics of riding a camel beforehand, I certainly didn’t and it showed when we got there.
So we arrived at what can only be described as the camel parking area and waited patiently in line with the other tourists as the camels were prepared for take off. They are bemusing creatures that seem to display quite a stroppy attitude both to one another and humans. Perhaps they were fed up with the constant stream of tourists that poked and prodded them. They hissed and grunted, making a range of unique noises that all seemed to be reminiscent of displeasure. I didn't blame them to be honest, lugging around a bunch of overweight tourists all summer would get any living creature down.
So a morning meeting commenced and, much to my horror, our tour guide started to explain in broken English how we would need to sit on our assigned camel. Little did I know that camels have to have an even weight distribution around the hump otherwise it can throw their balance off, logical really but you don't really give it much thought in daily life. To carry the tourists, they had a double seat contraption that was placed between the humps. At the time I weighed a significant amount more than my man (probably in the region of 28 pounds) and he looked across at me, instinctively knowing that I was going to find this embarrassing. His expression spoke volumes!
It wouldn’t have been so bad if we had not been climbing on the camels one couple at a time. The other tourists looked on with quiet bemusement and trepidation as they watched others mount the animals, perhaps searching for any tips they could adopt for when their turn finally came. Some stumbled a little, a few of the older ladies looked unsteady as they climbed on and there were a few stifled but jovial giggles eminating from the onlookers. The heavier person was supposed to sit on the right hand side whilst the lighter of the two took up residence on the left.
Our fellow holidaymakers would have immediately seen that I was heavier when I climbed into the right hand seat so my man did the chivalrous thing and saved my blushes by letting me sit on the left hand side, where he should have been. I guess we hoped, in vain, that the camel wouldn’t notice the weight distribution was completely off. So the journey commenced, me, the camel and my honey all trying to conduct a balancing act that was doomed to fail. The first 10 minutes were fine, the warm up period for my living, breathing taxi. I desperately tried to push my weight against the poor creature to alleviate some of the stress on its uneven load. I tried to look like I was having a good time but the fear must have been obvious from my nervous position and fake smile. All the camels were tied together and we had a couple of local men who were guiding and making sure that all was well.
Soon enough the fun began, intiailly our camel started to lurch its head up and grunt a little. As his peers walked silently on, he started to become noisier. I would not have felt so certain it was my fault had the other camels been doing the same thing. The guide noticed and said a few words in Spanish, something probably along the lines of ‘these damn overweight westerners should go on a diet!’ I thought that perhaps our camel was thirsty or was just hollering at his buddies that he was loving this particular ride. Sadly not it seemed as our travel companion then started to make quite dramatic jolting movements with its front legs and moaned some more. I was so embarrassed and could see the other holiday makers turning around to look at what was causing the commotion. I was like being part of some absurd circus balancing act, but we were not going to defeat the laws of gravity. This continued for the rest of the trip and I was absolutely relieved to get back to the parking area and disembark. If the camel could have understood me, I would have apologised profusely and explained my selfishness was due to my weight paranoia and saving face at the expense of his poor hump. Someone took a picture of us on the camel and my expression says it all, get me off!
Funny! There is a picture of me on the camel somewhere, I will have to dig it out. That poor creature, I bet it felt like it were being punished for something!
On that considerably lighter note, I bid you adieu! I just hope someone is reading this?
L x
After my previous and lengthy entry (I do apologise for the epic length but I seemed to purge a very private and harrowing experience on that one) I wanted to lighten the mood a tad.
To do this, I think there needs to be some funnier, weight related moments in amongst the low points. There certainly have been some hilarious times, whether it be my impromptu and unplanned gluteus maximus moony to my boyfriends mother, the time I actually managed to blow out a tyre on a mini by simply being a passenger, roly polying down a flight of stairs after one too many sherbets (I say, to this day, my fat layer saved my life that drunken evening), sliding down another flight of stairs on my knees.
I am sure there are more but these are the highlights for me. One that really does stand out occurred whilst on holiday in Lanzarote (which is part of the Spanish Canary Islands.) Myself and my long term partner at the time decided we deserved a holiday so we book a trip to our destination. The island is very popular with tourists from the UK especially and, although small, the place has a lot to offer. Geologically it is fascinating, much of it has an igneous rock landscape of dark and hardened volcanic hills and mountains that bear the reminder of previous eruptions from the islands dormant volcanoes, solidified lava flows scar the landscape.
I must have weighed about 240 pounds at the time and had been conscious about my weight the whole time we had been there. Sarongs tended to be an effective way of shrouding my lumpy bits and I had done a pretty good job of covering up my large body, so the holiday had gone relatively hitch free up until the day we decided to join the hoards of holiday makers and take a tourist excursion. Our destination would be the Timanfaya National Park; an active volcanic area on the island. As part of our paid for tour package, we were given an all inclusive early morning camel ride, something many of the tourists do as a matter of course. I was really looking forward to it as it was something I had never tried before. I guess you don’t really consider the logistics of riding a camel beforehand, I certainly didn’t and it showed when we got there.
So we arrived at what can only be described as the camel parking area and waited patiently in line with the other tourists as the camels were prepared for take off. They are bemusing creatures that seem to display quite a stroppy attitude both to one another and humans. Perhaps they were fed up with the constant stream of tourists that poked and prodded them. They hissed and grunted, making a range of unique noises that all seemed to be reminiscent of displeasure. I didn't blame them to be honest, lugging around a bunch of overweight tourists all summer would get any living creature down.
So a morning meeting commenced and, much to my horror, our tour guide started to explain in broken English how we would need to sit on our assigned camel. Little did I know that camels have to have an even weight distribution around the hump otherwise it can throw their balance off, logical really but you don't really give it much thought in daily life. To carry the tourists, they had a double seat contraption that was placed between the humps. At the time I weighed a significant amount more than my man (probably in the region of 28 pounds) and he looked across at me, instinctively knowing that I was going to find this embarrassing. His expression spoke volumes!
It wouldn’t have been so bad if we had not been climbing on the camels one couple at a time. The other tourists looked on with quiet bemusement and trepidation as they watched others mount the animals, perhaps searching for any tips they could adopt for when their turn finally came. Some stumbled a little, a few of the older ladies looked unsteady as they climbed on and there were a few stifled but jovial giggles eminating from the onlookers. The heavier person was supposed to sit on the right hand side whilst the lighter of the two took up residence on the left.
Our fellow holidaymakers would have immediately seen that I was heavier when I climbed into the right hand seat so my man did the chivalrous thing and saved my blushes by letting me sit on the left hand side, where he should have been. I guess we hoped, in vain, that the camel wouldn’t notice the weight distribution was completely off. So the journey commenced, me, the camel and my honey all trying to conduct a balancing act that was doomed to fail. The first 10 minutes were fine, the warm up period for my living, breathing taxi. I desperately tried to push my weight against the poor creature to alleviate some of the stress on its uneven load. I tried to look like I was having a good time but the fear must have been obvious from my nervous position and fake smile. All the camels were tied together and we had a couple of local men who were guiding and making sure that all was well.
Soon enough the fun began, intiailly our camel started to lurch its head up and grunt a little. As his peers walked silently on, he started to become noisier. I would not have felt so certain it was my fault had the other camels been doing the same thing. The guide noticed and said a few words in Spanish, something probably along the lines of ‘these damn overweight westerners should go on a diet!’ I thought that perhaps our camel was thirsty or was just hollering at his buddies that he was loving this particular ride. Sadly not it seemed as our travel companion then started to make quite dramatic jolting movements with its front legs and moaned some more. I was so embarrassed and could see the other holiday makers turning around to look at what was causing the commotion. I was like being part of some absurd circus balancing act, but we were not going to defeat the laws of gravity. This continued for the rest of the trip and I was absolutely relieved to get back to the parking area and disembark. If the camel could have understood me, I would have apologised profusely and explained my selfishness was due to my weight paranoia and saving face at the expense of his poor hump. Someone took a picture of us on the camel and my expression says it all, get me off!
Funny! There is a picture of me on the camel somewhere, I will have to dig it out. That poor creature, I bet it felt like it were being punished for something!
On that considerably lighter note, I bid you adieu! I just hope someone is reading this?
L x
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