A deflated epidermis; the dreaded loose skin

In earlier posts I have pertained to the pitfalls of being obese. As we all know, there are plenty to list. I thought it would be interesting to flip this on its head and offer some balance.

So I am about to summarise the one and only pitfall of my smaller body.

Loose skin

This next omission is hard for me, really hard.

Any person who has lost dramatic amounts of weight are prone to being left with loose skin. Skin is an incredible organ, we cut it and it heals, often without a scar. It comes in a range of shades and colours, all subtly different from the next. It is the largest organ on the human body, amounting to 16% of our body weight. It shields us from infection, protecting our internal organs and it purifies our systems by eliminating waste fluids. All in all, one clever design.

But one thing skin is not so successful at is shrinking back to it's original elasticity, especially if it is stretched drastically. I can liken this to when I borrowed my ex boyfriends tops when I was bigger. I had a penchant for preferring his clothes to mine as they proved to be baggier thus more comfortable. When he reclaimed his items from me, sometimes having to prise them off my back, there would be a distinctive amount of distortation and stretch where my ample chest had rested underneath. Not a good look for a flat chested bloke! An androginous image is not good for an alpha male so he eventually would hand the item down to me and I would go out and buy him a replacement garment to soften the blow.

What I am getting at is that there is only so much our biological shield can take. As skin stretches, the collagen is damaged as is the elastin that is normally used to small fluctuations in stretch. As a result of this and when a much larger person loses weight, those delicate strands do not retract back to their original tautness. This is not to say that there are some people who lose lots of weight and don't suffer with baggy thighs, boobs or tummies. I feel these people are in a very small minority and are not the general rule.

I do have some loose skin on my belly, having lost over 150 pounds and 82 inches off my body, I think it was unavoidable. I lathered on layers of vitamin E enriched cocoa butter whilst I was losing but the skin on my stomach did not respond as well as I would have liked. It is nothing too unpleasant and I don't think it warrants surgery in a doctors eyes but I do have a personal problem with it. Considering what my epidermis has gone through, my skin has proven pretty resilient! But that does not distract from the fact I look like I have already had kids, despite being childless. Bikinis are certainly a no no, as are mid riff bearing tops. I can live with stretch marks as they fade over time but I have had trouble adapting to this saggy belly.

Self sabotage

You know, that is the first time I have openly admitted I have loose skin to anyone bar the medical world. Blimey! Some of my closest friends are not even aware. I must admit, it has made me self conscious in a different way to when I was obese. Fully clothed you would never guess I had it but I am acutely aware of it hiding under there. It has had a negative impact on my body image which has, in turn, affected my ability to get into a relationship. The handful of relationships I have had post weight loss have all ended the same way. Initially, I go through the typical highs of meeting someone new but not wanting to rush into anything physical too soon. I do dread having to get naked, although there are some subtle tricks I have picked up to try and disguise my stomach. Sadly I think, I have so far managed to sabotage 3 blossoming relationships due to the paranoia about my stomach. Crazy eh?

I monitor any changes in behaviour towards me, believing these chaps are cooling off. I assume, if I think they have even had a glimpse of my saggy tummy, that they are disturbed and think me a freak. I am pretty sure that, if they did see the extent of it, they would not think it a big deal and if they really liked me, it would not even matter.
What I am really doing is reflecting my own dissatisfaction with my stomach and the subsequent insecurities that cultures on these men. It is not their behaviour that changes, it is mine. If I was fully open with these fellas and outlined what I had been through and my concerns about this excess skin, I am sure that would be be more productive than inadvertently destroying any potential relationship. I guess it is easier for me to reject them than it would be for them to reject me. In all honesty, any man who rejected me for that one reason alone would be a conceited idiot and not worth my time anyway.

But what I have done, thus far, is push any potential partner away. I have not mentioned my epic weight loss to any if them, if I am brutally honest that is because I am ashamed and feel like they may view me differently as a result. I should be proud of what I have achieved right? I am in many respects and I have overcome adversity and turned a potentially life threatening situation around. Perhaps I am underestimating these men and I should not be ashamed of something that is out of my control and perfectly natural in many ways, considering what this body has been through.

None of us are perfect, we all have physical flaws. My stomach pays testament to the challenge I have been through; you could refer to it as a battle wound. I realise that I need to address my own issues with it first before I can get into a serious relationship.

Surgery

To be honest, I would have surgery if it were available to me. I have looked into getting a tummy tuck but it is an expense procedure I cannot afford. I went to my doctors to see whether our national health service would fund the operation but they are very strict about the guidelines and consider it a cosmetic procedure so the answer was no.

Hey ho I know one thing, I would much rather a bit of loose skin than go back to being obese. The trade off is heavily weighted toward the former. I know there are other people who have done a fantastic job with losing massive amounts of weight who have excess skin
on their arms, thighs, backs, chests, stomachs so I think I got off lightly. I need to somehow overcome my issues with it otherwise I stand to remain single for the rest of my life. Get a grip girl!

That is me being REALLY open, my issues with this imperfection have been intensely personal and private for a few years now but there you go, for me that is one major pitfall of the monumental weight loss I have had.

L xx